Fragile
by Ramsay Fiction
Summary: Bella is trying her best to open up after living a closed off life, full of hate and anger. Forced to move to a new school, she tries to have a fresh start. What she didn't expect was the drama, lies, betrayal, hurt and maybe even love along the way. ExB
1. New Perspective

**Hey guys! New story and it's going to be awesome. Just so you know, it won't be like any of those other stories because when you read the summary it might sound the same. Don't worry; I've got a lot of unique ideas. For the chapters, I've added songs to listen to, to enhance your reading experience. :P I might not have one for every chapter, but I'll do my best. Anyway, go ahead and read.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. (The characters are just my little puppets!) **

_Summary:_

_Bella Swan enrols in the prestigious boarding school, River Heights Academy, after things stopped working at home. Carrying a hard past with her, Bella struggles to make new friends and fit in. Little does she know, running with the elite can have its drawbacks. Edward Cullen, the basketball star and biggest jerk on campus immediately sets eyes on her, causing much drama. How far will he go to change the 'frienemy' status Bella has with him? When will be enough? Will the parties, fun, friends, boys and, of course, healthy learning environments (sure…) be just what Bella needs? Or will the immature high school drama become too much for her to take? Learning to trust and love again will be harder than she ever imagined…_

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Song: Misguided Ghosts – Paramore

_ I am going away for a while but I'll be back_

_ Don't try and follow me 'cause I'll return as soon as possible_

_ See, I'm trying to find my place but it might not be here, where I feel safe_

_ And we all learn to make mistakes_

_ And run from them, from them _

_ With no direction_

_ We'll run from them, from them _

_ With no conviction_

Bella POV

I sighed again as we drove through the busy streets of Chicago, Illinois. A new place. Another one. It wasn't seeing new places that I was tired of, it was moving around, having to start over again and again. How tedious it could be.

My father, Charlie, is a big time movie director and wherever a new project takes him, we go. It used to be fun, exciting. I was good at making friends, always the popular one. I went on dates with all the hot guys. I hung out with my friends and had sleepovers all the time. Being rich really had its advantages.

Wherever we went, whatever we did, Daddy always made sure I had the best of the best. I was envied and respected by everyone. Yeah, it was great. Of course, that was before the kids…

Now, it all disgusts me. I can hardly stand Charlie buying me birthday gifts anymore.

Charlie had offered a limo to take me to my new school, but I declined right away. I know he was trying to be a good dad. He wants to make me happy, but doesn't know how. Not to mention, me being truly happy seems impossible at this point.

That's why they sent me here in the first place…

I used to live in Phoenix with my mother, Renée, after she divorced my dad when I was a baby. My dad visited, but because of his job, I didn't see him often.

When I was ten, I decided I wanted a change of scenery. I started living with Charlie. That was about the time when I became 'popular, rich girl'. Every school I went to, I was admired and well-liked. I knew that and took advantage of it. Charlie would even fly me out to Phoenix to visit Renée and her new husband, Phil - a minor league baseball player - as often as I wanted.

I lived untroubled and shallow with my dad until I was 15. That was when life became a nightmare.

My mother had a sister, Victoria. They were very close, best friends. One night, Victoria and her husband, James, were driving home from dinner. It was their anniversary. All of the sudden, a car from the opposite lane swerved onto their side. A drunk driver. James veered off the road, trying to avoid the intoxicated person. They ended up in a ditch and were killed instantly.

They had three kids waiting at home for them with a babysitter.

When I heard the news, I came home immediately to comfort my grieving mother.

But what I hadn't been told was that Renée was the children's godmother. They were under her care now.

I made the decision to stay in Phoenix to help in whatever way I could. It would be hard enough for her to handle three kids so young, even with Phil around. The oldest, Ashley was only 6, Katie, 4 and Anthony just 18 months when their parents passed away.

Even through her grieving, all through that summer, Renée did her best and took care of the kids with my help.

But when school started up again - I was enrolled in a high school in Phoenix, keeping my promise to stay – everything changed.

Things started to slack on Renée's part and I was stuck with extra responsibility, much more than usual. It happened more and more until I was basically all by myself. It was my job to take care of three kids when I was just a child myself. I did though, because I couldn't bear to see these mourning children being shipped off to live in a stranger's home. It wouldn't be fair. They deserved better than that when their entire lives had just been stripped from them.

But I had never felt more alone in my life.

I had to grow up so quickly that it was dizzying. I'd turned from happy and friendly to depressed and distant. I closed myself off from the world. Balancing 3 kids and school was hard enough. I didn't have time for friends.

Phil would help occasionally, when I look overworked or too stressed. But I couldn't always count on him being there.

It was hell, but with the love of those kids, and the bit of help once in a while, I could still somehow call it home.

But, by the time school ended, I had become hate-filled and bitter. I lashed out at Renée often, yelling a lot. It didn't matter that I still called the place I lived home, when I felt so unsafe and angry there all the time. I hated her for doing that to me. I didn't deserve a life like that. I still hate her for making me feel this way.

Apparently, she'd had enough of my behaviour. And when school did end, she made Charlie come and take me to live with him again, saying that I needed to learn some manners and how to be a better person.

Even though I fought it, I ended up living in Seattle with my dad. They'd intended for me to go to school there as well.

But things didn't work out with Charlie. I wasn't the same person anymore. I didn't want all the material things. I didn't want _anything_ from him. He took money for granted and I learned that everything is valuable. I'd been on my own for too long now. Taking help felt… weak.

I was depressed being away from the ones I really cared about. I was mad. My bouts of rebellion became too much for Charlie to handle. He concluded that I wouldn't be staying with him. I needed some time to myself.

That's what has brought me here today.

It was decided that I would attend River Heights Academy, a costly boarding school.

And, to my surprise, I almost wanted this. I hate being away from Phoenix for so long, but having the opportunity to be a girl, to be human again is too hard to pass up.

I want to know what it's like to have friends again. I want to have fun and be carefree. And that fact makes me feel extremely guilty.

I was scared about leaving the kids, but Phil had promised me they'd be taken care of. I guess I just have to trust him and have a little faith. My life is in his hands now… I hoped Renée had enough of a heart to look after them while Phil was playing away games.

"Well, Bells, here we are," Charlie said, breaking the long silence.

When we drove onto the campus, I gasped in shock. The school was huge and the campus was dotted with restaurants and stores. It was crowded with kids saying goodbye to loved ones, chatting with old friends and gaping at the massive school before them.

"Wow," I breathed. My stomach flipped when I thought actually having to live there.

"Yeah, it's something, isn't it?"

"It's amazing," I said.

He seemed delighted by my response.

"Glad you like it, kiddo. Now let's get your stuff," Charlie said, getting out of the car.

I didn't have too many suitcases. I told Charlie that I could carry them myself. Better to make a good impression with my peers sooner.

"You sure?" he asked. I nodded.

"Alright. Love you, kid," he said, pulling me into a hug.

"Love you, too, Dad." The words burned my throat as I said them. It was still hard to say that when I had felt so unloved in the past. He didn't seem to notice my struggle.

"Call me this weekend and tell me all about your new campus life." He grinned.

I smiled, too. "Sure thing, Dad."

"Bye, Bells."

"Bye." I waved. When his car disappeared around the corner, I looked the sheets with all my dorm information. I would be staying in room 146 with two other girls.

I took a deep breath, grabbed my luggage and headed toward the dorms.

A group of boys came from the building just as I was about to go in. One clearly wasn't watching where he was going and walked right into me.

"Hey!" I protested. I looked up at the tall form and gasped quietly.

He was, without a doubt, the most beautiful person I had ever seen. He had unruly bronze coloured hair. You could see the hard muscles under the black t-shirt he wore. Chiselled jaw and bright green eyes that you could get lost in.

Green eyes that, at first, filled with annoyance, then sparked with interest.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. His voice was beautiful, like velvet. "I wasn't watching where I was going. Please forgive me… I'm sorry, what's your name?"

"Bella Swan," I answered.

"Well, I'm sorry, Bella… You're new here, right?" he asked. I nodded.

"I thought so. I mean, if you were here last year, I'm sure I would've remembered you," he said, smiling crookedly. His smile was so breathtaking; it almost hurt to look at him.

I blushed at his comment and tried to regain my now scattered thoughts. I knew how to do this. It had just been a while.

"Look… um…"

"Edward."

"Okay, look Edward, I've got to go, but maybe I'll see you later." I started walking away.

"Bella!" he called, stopping me. I turned and he came to stand in front of me, much closer than I would've liked.

"Tell me something, Bella," he said seductively.

"What?" I asked unimpressed and uncomfortable.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" he asked me, smirking.

I processed what he was saying for a half second, then a fierce scowl lit my face.

"You are such a pig!" I hissed, pushing him away from me. I grabbed my things angrily and walked inside.

"Wait, Bella!" he yelled. I ignored him, leaving him and his laughing friends behind me.

If the first person I meet is such an egotistical jerk, that doesn't say much for the school.

I was at least hoping for decent roommates.

I passed the lounge, not stopping to admire it and took the elevator to the first floor of dorms.

I stopped when I got to 146 and stuck my key in the door.

It flew open and I was suddenly in the arms of a stranger. I cringed away from the thin arms that wrapped around me. Such closeness from a stranger made me extremely uneasy.

"Oh, sorry," a chipper voice apologized. I looked down to find the face that matched the high, soprano voice.

She was tiny, several inches shorter than me. She had inky, black hair that was cropped short and spiky and striking, blue eyes. There was a distinct pixie-like quality to all of her features that made her especially beautiful.

Now the girl was grinning madly at me.

"Calm down, Alice. You're going to freak her out," a voice came from inside the room. It was just as appealing as Edward's and the girl in front of me who I assumed was Alice.

Why did they all have to have such attractive voices, dammit?

"Uh, sorry," I said, finally speaking. "I'm just a bit… sorry." A faint blush filled my cheeks.

"No, it's okay. You're not the hugging type. I get it… But how about a handshake?" she proposed.

I smiled a bit ruefully. "Sure."

She held out a tiny, delicate hand.

"Hi, I'm Mary Alice Cullen, but I like Alice," she said, still beaming at me.

I shook her hand.

"It's nice to meet you, Alice. I'm Isabella Swan. Call me Bella."

"It's fantastic meeting you, Bella. Welcome to River Heights Academy. You're going to love it here. And I have a feeling we're going to be the best of friends!" she trilled excitedly.

I had to smile at her enthusiasm and energy.

"Here, let me get that for you," she said, grabbing a couple of my bags.

"Thanks." I realized we were still in the hallway and I had yet to see my new living quarters.

"They redid the entire place. It looks amazing," she told me.

I was stunned when I walked into my new home.

On the far right was a small kitchen, complete with a mini-fridge, microwave, and an island counter top.

It led straight into the living room area where one of my roommates had already taken the liberty of putting up a large flat screen television.

On the left were four doors, three leading to small bedrooms and one to a bathroom.

"This is unreal. No wonder it costs a fortune to get in this school," I mumbled in awe.

"Yeah," Alice agreed. Then she paused. "Wait. Bella _Swan._ As in, your dad's Charlie Swan? The movie director?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"Wow," she breathed, eyes wide. "Your dad is like a gazillionaire. No wonder you can afford this school."

Just then, another girl came from one of the bedrooms. To say she was pretty is a complete understatement. She had long gently waving golden hair, sharp blue eyes and a beautiful, statuesque figure.

Being in the room with the two made me feel like an absolute troll. My long brown hair looked like Medusa's snakes. My face looked to pale and washed out, almost sickly and my eyes were dull and boring in comparison.

"Hi," said the girl smiling kindly at me. "You must be Bella. I'm Rosalie Hale."

"Hi."

"Okay, okay, now everybody knows everybody and it's time to start unpacking!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands animatedly.

I sidestepped toward Rosalie and murmured, "Is she always like this?"

Rosalie laughed lightly.

"Pretty much."

Unpacking my things was easy with Alice whipping around like a tornado. That kind of energy is unnatural in someone so small. It confused me.

We talked while we worked and that made things go faster.

I'd learned that they'd been friends since they were young. They went to the same schools and when high school came, Alice, her two brothers, Rosalie and another friend, Jasper all came here. Alice was now dating Jasper and Rosalie, one of Alice's brothers.

I became a bit cautious when they asked me about my home. I only told them that my parents divorced. I had said that I lived in Phoenix, and then stayed with my dad for a while and ended up back with Renée and Phil again. I didn't give them any reasons as to why any of it happened, though. I needed to be able to trust them and know them before I told them anything about my real life. I could only imagine what would happen if that kind of information got into the wrong hands. They didn't seem to mind, though and didn't pry.

By the time we finished, it was nearly dinner time. Alice and Rosalie had made plans to meet up with their group and go to one of the restaurants on campus. They asked me to join them and I agreed. Things were happening so fast, but I was elated by the prospect of having two new friends on the first day.

"One more thing I wanna tell you," Alice said before we left.

"Go ahead," I encouraged.

"Well, there's this one person you should really stay away from. He's cruel and horrible and I don't want to see someone I care about get hurt."

"Alice. We've only known each other for a couple of hours," I said.

"Yes, I know that. But I also know that we're going to be really close. You're a great person, Bella." I could see no façade or lies in her genuine smile and my throat felt thick. I looked down as my stupid, uncontrollable blush crept up to my cheeks. My lips curved slightly upward. I hadn't, for the longest time, gotten a compliment like that. My own mother rarely said anything that kind to me anymore. This is what I had craved. This kind of human interaction is what I'd needed for so long.

"Thanks, Alice. That really means a lot to me," I murmured.

"Anytime, Bella."

"Anyway, back to this horrible someone… Does he happen to have a name?" I asked.

She sighed in defeat, her smile fading. "Edward Cullen."

Both the first and last name sounded familiar, but so much had occured today and I was a bit muddled.

"Edward," I repeated to myself. Then, the name clicked into place. I felt my face fall.

"This Edward… tall, bronze hair, obnoxious… does that fit his description?" I asked hesitantly.

Her eyes narrowed.

"That's him exactly. How do you know that?"

"Because," I sighed, "I had a nice little 'chat' with him already."

"WHAT?" she shrieked, making Rosalie and me cover our ears. "Ohmigod! Tell me _everything_!"

I went over my run-in with Edward Cullen. Their faces darkened simultaneously as I explained his actions.

"I swear to God, I am going to kick his ass," Rosalie hissed when I finished. Her beautiful face was distorted with rage.

Alice said nothing, for once. Her teeth were grinding together and she looked like she wanted to hit something… or someone. But behind the anger, there was ancient sadness in her deep blue eyes.

"You guys, it's no big deal," I said, trying to calm them. "I know how to handle him."

"You do." Rosalie's face had turned from angry to thoughtful. "I'm surprised. He usually doesn't take rejection."

"Yeah, well, I'm not about to fall for someone so repulsive and arrogant. Who would?"

"Just about every other girl in this school," Rosalie answered bleakly.

Finally Alice spoke, her voice dejected. "The thing is, Bella, he doesn't do that. I mean, he's not a player, man-whore… whatever you want to call it. It's an act. His image says, _'I'm better than you and this proves it'._ He gets everything he wants and thinks he can treat everyone else like shit because he's the best.

But he's really not a player. He doesn't go from girl to girl at all. Once in a while he'll pick up a girl. It's to keep up that image. Every girl is falling at his feet, begging for attention and he won't look twice at them. He can treat them like that and they don't even care. Then, a few weeks will go by and he'll pick a girl at random. They get with him without question."

Rosalie spoke up then. "After a while, he'll drop them and won't even think about it. But it's still all a part of his act. He thinks he's better than everyone because he's got girls dropping to their knees for him. He proves it because when he feels like dating, there's no question that he'll have the girl he wants in seconds."

"That is so… pathetic," I said. It was disgusting, awful and degrading. And he didn't see any of that.

"That is so Edward," Alice said, hopelessly. I wondered why she looked that way until finally I matched Edward's last name.

"Oh, Alice. Alice, please tell me Edward is not your brother," I begged, horrified.

"Well, he's really my cousin, but basically…"

"Your cousin?" I asked, confused and still appalled.

"I'm not really at liberty to explain. He might tell you, but you probably don't want to speak to him much."

"You've got that right."

"Uh, Bella… Edward is coming with us tonight…" Alice trailed off, waiting for my reaction.

"What?"

"He might not show," Alice said, a little sad. Rosalie nodded.

I sighed. I had really wanted this to be easy. I thought I'd already made two friends with no trouble along the way. Turns out, I was so wrong.

"I'm sorry, but I really don't want to take my chances," I said.

They nodded. "We get it," Rosalie said in understanding.

"Tell you what, tomorrow, if you're not busy, we'll spend the whole day together. No Edward." Alice tried to become more cheerful. I wasn't fooled.

I smiled. "Sure. Sounds fun. But can I ask something?"

"Yeah."

"_Why_ is he like that?" It made no sense to me. Why would someone choose to be that way?

Alice hesitated. "Only he can tell you. Sorry."

"S'okay," I said. I wasn't that curious. I wanted as little to do with Edward Cullen as possible. "You guys have fun."

"Are you sure? He might not come…" Rosalie persuaded.

"Completely. Just have fun. I wanted to check out the lounge anyway."

"'Kay. Bye, Bella," Alice said uncertainly. It cut at me slightly to see the sorrow and regret on her face.

They left and I slumped down on the couch sadly.

Alone. How fun…

I decided to go to the lounge anyway. Might as well have something to do. I picked up my Ipod and headed out the door.

When the elevator doors opened, I took in all of the glory that was the lounge. Leather couches, plasma televisions, a smoothie bar, pool tables. It had everything.

I decided on an empty couch in a secluded area, away from all the noise and people. I sat down and put in my earphones, switching to some Linkin Park. I closed my eyes and let the music take me…

I felt a tap on my arm and opened my eyes slowly. When I saw who was standing before me, I wanted to run and hide.

The infamous Edward Cullen.

He was smiling cheekily with one eyebrow raised. I turned off my music and glared at him.

"What?" I said angrily.

He didn't seem surprised by my tone. "We didn't get to finish our conversation earlier. You had somewhere to go…?"

"Yeah. Away from you."

"Oh come on, Bella. Be nice. Is this seat empty?" he asked.

"Yes, but this one will be if you sit down," I warned.

"Ooh, touchy, are we?"

I didn't answer, just continued to glower. His insolent tone was extremely aggravating.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" I hinted finally. I couldn't stand him any longer.

"Nope." He popped his lips on the 'p'. Ditching out on spending time with his family. How kind…

"Then, just let me be, Edward." I closed my eyes again.

Suddenly, I felt warm breath on my neck. My eyes flew open and I saw that Edward was no longer in front of me. I flinched away from his crouching figure behind me.

"You can't honestly say that you're not attracted to me, Bella," he whispered.

"Not in the least," I answered honestly.

"Well, I can fix that…"

I was facing him and once his fingers touched my face, I lost it.

"What kind of shit are you trying to pull here, Edward?" I said furiously, flinching away from his touch. "I'm not one of those girls begging for your attention. I just want to be away from you. Why can't you see that? Are you so blinded by your arrogance?"

"I just want-"

I cut him off. "No! I don't care what you want! _I _want _you_ gone! Okay?"

"Fine," his tone was rebellious. Then it changed. "I just wanted to know you."

I laughed bitterly. "I've been there, Edward. I know what you want."

He stared at me for long while. His furrowed brow slowly smoothed out. Then he turned silently and walked in the other direction.

I sat for a moment before getting up and walking to the elevator.

When I got to my hall, I ran to my room and threw open the door.

I dumped myself on the couch and felt the sobs rack through my chest. Would the pain, hurt and anger ever end? When would I get the life I wanted? Or had I already lived it?

It's so hard to find a place in this world. Somewhere where I actually fit in. It feels like it's a lost cause for me. I had been broken and battered so much.

But coming to River Heights Academy was supposed to be starting over for me. I was frail, but I was still changed and different. I had healed just a bit.

But I was still fragile, breakable. If anyone were to hurt me, handle me wrong, I might just shatter into a million pieces.

Rosalie and Alice were the first to receive me. They had been watchful. They made me feel welcome and happy.

Next to hold me was Edward Cullen.

And Edward had just given me my first crack.

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_ Would someone care to classify our broken hearts and twisted minds _

_ So I can find someone to rely on_

_ And run to them, to them f__ull speed ahead_

_ Oh, you are not useless_

_ We are just misguided ghosts travelin' endlessly_

_ The ones we trusted the most_

_ Pushed us far away_

_ And there's no one road and we should not be the same_

_ But I'm just a ghost a__nd still they echo me_

_ They echo me in circles

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**Okey dokey. First chapter is done! Review if you want it continued because I can always trash it if it's not good. There are a lot more twists to this story. You might really like it. **

**Review**

**~Kara**


	2. Escape: Edward POV

**HI. THERE WON'T BE MANY EDWARD POV'S , ONLY FOR CHAPTERS THAT I THINK ARE REALLY IMPORTANT. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE HIS POV TOO ONLY BECAUSE I CUT THIS CHAPTER IN HALF. BTW I'M NOT COMPUTER YELLING, I'M JUST TOO LAZY TO TURN OFF CAPS LOCK!**

**I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT.**

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Edward POV

"Have fun and _be good_," Esme said before drawing me into another hug as the tears streamed endlessly down her face.

"The second part of that may be a little difficult for me," I replied, grinning as she pulled back.

She sighed. "I know. But if I hear of any of you," she turned to look at the rest of the group, "causing any trouble up in that house, there will be hell to pay when you get back. Believe me, I won't forget." The small smile on her face lightened the threat, but we knew she was serious.

Emmett, Alice and I, along with our two best friends, Jasper Whitlock and Rosalie Hale were at the airport. Our families were there as well, saying goodbye. We were about to board the plane that would take us to Chicago, our home for the next 10 months.

We were all going to be attending River Heights Academy, a boarding school, when school started again in a few days. We were going a week early and staying at Esme and Carlisle's other house in Chicago. No parental supervision. Sweet.

River Heights Academy is like a dream to me. The five us had gone there last year and, let's just say, the year turned out pretty great for me. To everyone there, I'm like a god or something and, well, I'm not about to object.

"Good luck, Edward," Carlisle said, putting a hand on my shoulder. When he saw Alice squealing with excitement as she bounced past us, he laughed. "You're going to need it."

"Are you sure you don't have anything I could slip on her the plane? That regular doesn't work on her," I said uneasily as I watched my sister of sorts from the corner of my eye. Being a doctor, Carlisle could get his hands on any kind of medication. And I was desperately hoping for some kind of sleeping pill. Extra strength.

He chuckled again. "Nope, sorry. You'll just have to deal with her. My pockets are empty."

"Thanks anyway, Carlisle," I sighed.

"_Last call for flight 401 to Chicago,"_ a voice sounded from the intercom.

"Well, that's us," Alice said from behind me.

We all hugged each other one last time. Mrs. Whitlock and Mrs. Hale were crying just as much as Esme. Carlisle and Esme were the last to embrace me.

"Take care, Edward. We love you," Esme whispered. When I looked at their faces, the concern in their eyes – concern for my well-being – there was no way I could doubt that love. The love of my… parents.

I smiled gently. "Thanks. I… I love you, too."

They waved as we walked away.

"Aren't you excited, Eddiekins?" Emmett said cheerfully. "RHA. The best time of our lives."

"You know it, Em. And _don't_ start with the name thing." I glared. He grinned back cheekily.

Once the plane had taken off, I looked over the city. I would miss Seattle, but I needed a change.

I turned on my Ipod. Finally, I could relax. Then, I was drifting…

***

"_EDWARD!" he booms. I shrink deeper into my hiding space. I don't like it when he's mad. _

_I hear doors slamming and whimper quietly. I can't make any noise. I know that. He might hear me and know where I am. And Mommy's not here this time. She went out with her friends. _

_More yelling._

_Please don't let him find me._

_Why did she leave me with him? Why would she do that? I thought she loved me._

"_Come out here right now!" he yells. What do I do? I can't leave my spot. _

_The door is thrown open. Oh no. He's here._

_I see his silhouette in the door and bite down on my lip to keep from screaming._

_He paces around the small, dark room… searching._

_He pulls the closet door open and I'm shaking so hard that I'm sure he'll notice me right away._

_Boxes, clothes are thrown out of the way. He's found my hiding spot. There's no way to run. _

_He sees me now._

"There _you are!" he bellows. I can smell beer on his breath. It's making me sick._

_There is an angry smile on his face as he reaches for me._

_I squeeze my shut, waiting…_

***

I started awake, my eyes flying open. Holy shit.

Alice squeezed my arm from beside me. "You okay?" she whispered. Her worried and knowledgeable eyes bore into mine. I looked.

"Yeah," I said.

The rest of the four hour flight went by fairly smoothly with the exception of Emmett. First, he thought it would be hilarious to continually kick my chair. Then, he couldn't – for some unknown reason – get his bag of peanuts open. After that, he spilt his juice box on Jasper, splashing his white shirt with red. At least it's never boring when Emmett's around.

Finally, we landed in Chicago. After getting our luggage, we looked around for our ride to the house. As expected, a limo driver was holding a white sign with the name CULLEN printed neatly on it.

"Cullen… hmm. What, are Rose and I not good enough for you guys?" Jasper sniffed. I laughed.

"Y'know, Jazz, you're getting pretty good at the obnoxious snob stuff. You'll fit in well at RHA this year," I said, smirking.

"Yeah," Rosalie chimed in. "You just need to add something like, 'I'll just use Daddy's credit card and get my own limo.'" We all laughed at the thought.

We followed our driver outside where two cars were waiting for us, one for our luggage and the other to take us to the house. As we drove, I could feel my excitement level rising to Alice-like proportions. I tried to hide it, but was unsuccessful.

"Do you have to pee or something, Edward?" Jasper asked. "You look like a jackhammer."

I tried to stop moving. "I'm fine."

We pulled up to the house at last. Everyone scrambled out as fast as possible. One week with no parents, no one but us. Completely amazing.

It took about 20 trips to get everyone stuff inside. That's because Alice and Rosalie had to take everything they own with them. I know we'd be here for a long time, but the girls were known to shop every weekend. They never left without buying something, so bringing all this crap was pointless. Why do girls have to take so much stuff wherever they go? It makes no sense.

"What the hell is this?" Emmett asked when one Alice's 200 hair things fell on the floor.

"It's called a curling iron, Emmett," Rosalie answered, rolling her eyes.

"Well, why do you need it?" he asked stupidly.

"Um, I don't know, Emmett. Maybe to curl your hair?" Alice said, taking it from his hands.

The house was big enough that we all had our own rooms. I didn't feel the need to unpack very much. We'd be gone in a few days anyway.

"Let's play spin the bottle!" Emmett suggested when we were all in the living room, eating the pizza we had ordered.

We all stared at him dumbfounded. Finally, I spoke up.

"Emmett. If we played spin the bottle, other than Rose, you'd be kissing your sister, your cousin or Jasper. Not really great options."

"Oh, right." Emmett's not stupid. He just doesn't think things over before he says them.

Em, Jazz, and I ended playing some Xbox, while the girls… Well, I'm not sure what they did. Probably something girly.

The days passed by quickly in the same fashion. Our parents called daily to check on us and when Esme asked if we were behaving ourselves, mostly we just lied. For the most part we hung around in the house. There was an off day where we went shopping because we decided that wanted TV's in our dorms. Otherwise, it was eating, sleeping and watching the house get messier day by day.

I woke up early on Thursday. Tomorrow we would be heading off to RHA. I dug threw one of my bags and pulled out my dorm info and schedule. I was staying with Emmett and Jasper, of course. Rose and Alice were together as well, but there was one other person. Isabella, or something like that. I hope she's hot…

After I showered and dressed, I went downstairs, deciding to make breakfast for everyone. The days where I made breakfast were few and far between.

As the smell of pancakes, eggs and bacon wafted upstairs, one by one, they came downstairs. First, of course, was Emmett. He filled his plate without a word and started stuffing his face.

"Thanks," he mumbled around his food.

Jasper was much the same.

Only the girls were sceptical.

"Are you sure it's not poisoned?" Alice asked doubtfully as she stared at her plate.

"Thanks, Alice," I said sarcastically. "They're eating it and they're fine."

"Yeah, but you like them," she pointed out.

I grinned. "That's true."

"I hate you," she said. I knew she was only kidding

"Love you, too," I replied.

She stuck her tongue out at me and I ruffled her short hair.

After breakfast, Alice and Rosalie forced us to clean up the house. According to them, it was disgusting and we were pigs.

"Do we live in a barn or something?" Rosalie asked repulsed as she picked up a pair of boxers off the floor with a stick she found outside.

"Enough, Rose," I said, annoyed.

"Yeah," Emmett grumbled. "Esme says that to us all the time at home, anyway."

We spent the rest of the morning and half of the afternoon cleaning the house. Once we finished, I flopped onto the couch, exhausted.

"No, Edward!" Emmett screeched. "I just fixed those pillows!" He ran over, threw me off the couch and straightened the pillows. I stared wide eyed from the floor.

"There," he said, satisfied as he smoothed the fabric. I rolled my eyes.

We spent the rest of the afternoon shopping around for last minute things. I don't know how a karaoke machine is a 'last minute thing', but apparently we needed one for our dorm, according to Emmett.

When we got back, we basically acted like idiots for the rest of the evening. Emmett tested out the karaoke machine. Jasper fell asleep and Rosalie thought it would funny to paint his nails. So, she and Alice got to work on that catastrophe. As I watched the craziness around me, I thought of the words Emmett had said before we left Seattle. River Heights Academy wasn't going to be the best time of our lives. This was.

Finally, it was late enough to go to bed. As I walked by Alice's door, I heard a mumbling and picked up my name. Naturally, I stopped to listen.

"I don't want this to end," I heard Alice's voice say. I smiled.

"I know, Alice," Rosalie responded.

"I just… I miss him so much when he's gone. Nothing's ever the same. You saw him this morning… he's never like that with me at school," Alice said, miserably. My smile faded.

"But that's Edward."

"No it's not! He's not a jerk. I don't know why he's like this…"

"I'm sorry, Ali."

"I just don't want him to leave. I don't want this to end," she said again, but this time she sounded so heartbroken. I didn't want to listen anymore.

I went to bed thinking of Alice's words. I wanted to pretend know what she meant, but, really, it was all too clear.

I woke many times, unable to get comfortable. My mind was racing and I couldn't relax.

I was up early again, tired and miserable. I wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible. The idea of going to RHA was looking better by the minute.

Alice and Rose came just after I did, looking blissful. Or at least before they saw me. When Alice looked my way, her smile faded, all the happiness was gone. Then, she quickly composed herself.

"Good morning, Edward," she said, smiling brightly at me. It took her a lot of effort to put that smile there. I could tell how forced it was.

Once Emmett and Jasper - and his manicured, neon pink nails, complete with sparkles – came downstairs, we started putting our luggage in the jeep that had taken our things to the house. Of course, another limo would be coming to take us to the school… Wow, we are _really_ spoiled…

By the time we had finished, the limo pulled up and it was time to go. We shut off the lights as we left each room for good.

"Jazz, could you grab my purse?" Alice asked as she grabbed one more thing to put in the jeep. He picked up her purse and with the done up nails and bag slung over his shoulder, Jasper was looking more feminine by the second.

"Uh, Jazz? I don't think that's helping your situation," I said. As he realized what I meant, he flushed.

"Alice, could you get this shit off of me already?" he whined. Both the girls had hidden any remover so he had no options.

"Nope," she said. "Plus, pink is your colour, Jasper. And… you're not gonna ruin all my fun like that, are you?" Her lower lip jutted out slightly and he stopped complaining. That girl is pure evil.

"So, Jasper… you free tomorrow night?" Emmett asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Yeah, you're lookin' hot," I added.

"Enough," he said, exasperated.

Before we got into the car, Alice suddenly ran up and hugged me tightly. I was shocked. Her arms loosened after a bit and she stepped back, slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry… I-I just had to do that once…" she trailed off.

I nodded. "Bye, Alice," I said quietly so no one else could hear. Her eyes widened as she realized I had heard her conversation with Rosalie the night before. She opened her mouth to say something, but I smiled and shook my head.

"C'mon, we've gotta go," I said, guiding her to the car.

The car's atmosphere was completely uplifted. We were all looking out the windows, trying to get a first glimpse of the school, even when we were miles away. It wasn't long, though, until the campus and buildings came into view. The girls squealed while the guys hollered. I smiled to myself. Who knew going to school could be so exciting?

River Heights Academy, here we come.

* * *

**ANYWAY, I WILL BE UPDATING MORE SOON, I WAS JUST REALLY REALLY REALLY SICK AND BUSY AND STUFF SO... YEAH.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! THEY PUT A SMILE ON MY FACE!**

**~Kara **


	3. Charm: Edward POV

**Hey I know it's been a while again. Sorry.**

**I never have and never will own Twilight. Awww. :(**

* * *

**Song: She Hates Me - Puddle of Mud**

_Met a girl, thought she was grand_

_Fell in love, found out first hand_

_Went well for a week or two_

_Then it all came unglued_

_In a trap, trip I can't grip_

_Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip_

_Then I started to realize _

_I was living one big lie_

* * *

Edward POV

"Where should I put the karaoke machine?" Emmett asked.

"Throw it out the window," I replied, not turning from what I was doing.

"Aww, come on, Edward. That kind of attitude won't get you anywhere," he chided mockingly. I rolled my eyes.

"Come on, guys," Jasper interrupted. "Let's not start anything right now. RHA, remember? Whoo…" His awkward attempt at excitement made us burst into fits laughter.

"Okay, okay. Let's just get this done," I said after we were calmer.

After driving onto campus we had burst out of the car. Now, the five of us had settled into our dorms and were unpacking luggage. Emmett, Jasper and I were planning to meet up with Rose and Alice later for dinner.

I was just finishing throwing my clothes into the closet of my new room when I heard a few familiar voices.

"Jazz, hey, what's up, dude?" I walked into the living room to see what all the noise was about.

"Edward! Hey, man. How've you been?" Mason, one of my closest friends from last year came up to me grinning. Behind him, Jasper and Emmett were greeting Jacob Black and Tyler Crowley, all good buddies from our first year at River Heights.

"Good, good. Great to see you guys," I said back.

"Aww, man this year's gonna be sweet. You trying out for basketball again?" Mason asked.

"Yeah, since the coach practically put me on the team without a tryout," I answered. Jasper, Emmett, Jacob, Tyler, Mason and I were all on the team last year and we were unstoppable. This year would be no different.

"So, do you guys wanna go walk around or something? Y'know, see if there's anyone else we know around?" Tyler asked.

Jacob rolled his eyes. "You mean see if there are any new hot girls for you to get with." Tyler was a known player, the big flirt. If he saw any girl that looked interesting, he was all over her in a second. The rest of us had a little more dignity and respect than that.

"Same thing," he muttered back. Mason elbowed him. "Hey!" he yelled, rubbing the spot he was hit. I chuckled at the antics of my old pals.

"Okay, are we going or not?" Jasper said, smiling at the trio as well.

"Yeah, come on." Emmett said impatiently, shoving us out the door.

We walked through the lounge where people were mingling and talking. Every girl watched us as we passed by. It's true, along with being the jocks and basketball hot-shots we're the school eye candy. Not that I mind it or anything.

"Oh my god. Hottie alert," one girl whispered to her friends. Mason snickered and nudged me.

"Just like old times, eh, Cullen?" he said.

"Yup."

"And who's gonna be your pick of the litter this year?" Jacob asked.

I looked around at all of the girls. Too preppy. Too full of herself. Too weird. Insane. Complete stalker. I frowned. None of them were quite right. This would be tougher than I thought.

"I don't know, Jake. There's not much to choose from," I answered.

"I have to disagree," Tyler said, licking his lips in a weird kind of perverted way.

I was never looking for a relationship with someone, but y'know, guys have needs and if I ever needed to have those needs fulfilled, I had to have my girl picked out beforehand. Really, it's a very difficult process and to be the chosen girl is a huge honour. I mean, it _is _me.

"Tyler, you're kinda creeping me out, man," I said truthfully. He glared at me. I shrugged. "Just being honest."

"Let's go outside, then," Mason suggested. "There's more to see." He raised an eyebrow at me suggestively. I laughed.

The six of us walked towards the door joking and laughing. Just as I was stepping outside, a small figure smacked into me.

"Hey!" I heard a protest and looked down in annoyance.

I was just about to yell at the idiot for not watching where they were going when I saw the person standing before me. The girl stood there, the anger falling from her features. She was beautiful. Flowing brown hair, deep brown eyes. She was pale, but the blush that filled her cheeks made up for that. She was petite and looked very delicate, breakable almost. She took my breath away. I couldn't believe I was about to scream at this stunning, innocent girl.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly. "I wasn't watching where I was going. Please forgive me… I'm sorry, what's your name?" I needed to know this girl.

"Bella Swan," she answered. Her voice was soft and quiet. She looked vulnerable, like she needed a friend…

"Well, I'm sorry, Bella… You're new here right?" he asked. She nodded. This was going to work. She would be throwing herself at me in seconds.

"I thought so," I replied. "I mean, if you were here last year, I'm sure I would've remembered you." I smiled. The blush that refilled her cheeks told me that she was weakening.

"Look… um…" I realized I hadn't told her my name.

"Edward."

"Okay, look Edward, I've got to go, but maybe I'll see you later." She turned and started walking away from me. Mason walked up quickly behind me.

"Come on, Edward!" he whispered harshly. "Don't let her go! That's a First Class Hottie right there and if you let her walk away right now she'll be taken. Go!" He shoved me forward.

"Bella!" I called as I ran after her. Luckily, she turned and I stood in front of her, only inches away. "Tell me something, Bella."

"What?" Her tone surprised me. She didn't seem at all intrigued. That bothered me a little, but I kept my cool.

"If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" My best pick-up line. I smirked. Girls would be melting by now.

But not Bella. Disgust and anger lit up her face. She looked about ready to kill me.

"You are such a pig." The venom her voice was enough to make me want to crawl away. She shoved me back and, after grabbing her things, stomped inside.

"Wait, Bella!" I yelled, but she ignored me.

Man, did I screw thing up. Hoots of laughter came from behind me. I had forgotten that the guys had all been witnesses of my humiliation. I turned back, glaring.

"Shut the hell up," I growled. That just made them laugh harder.

"Tough break, Edward," Emmett said between laughing fits.

"Fuck you," I shot back.

"No really, Cullen, sorry," Mason, said finally calm. He put a hand on my shoulder. "That Bella chick was gold. Too bad she's not as easy as all the other girls here," he joked.

"Yeah, that's really a shame," I said sarcastically. Bella Swan was a challenge. And I've always liked a challenge.

We walked around the entire campus, talking, but my mind was far away. I was interested in Bella. There was something about her that made her stand out. She seemed so pure, so good, but I somehow got the feeling that isn't exactly the case.

"So, Edward, you coming to dinner?" Jasper asked.

"Umm, maybe. I'm not sure yet." I answered.

"But you already said you would," Emmett whined.

"Yeah and now I'm not sure, okay?" I said crossly.

He held up hands up, surprised by my tone. "Okay, sorry. I was just saying."

"Well, yeah, we'll see you guys later," Jacob said.

"'Kay. Bye," I said. Mason, Tyler and Jake walked off toward their dorm.

"Well, we're gonna head to the restaurant. You coming?" Jasper asked.

"Not right now. I'll meet you guys there a little later," I said.

"That means he's not coming," Emmett stage-whispered to Jasper. I shoved him playfully.

"Don't worry about it. I may or may not be there. I've still got to hunt down a girl."

"You mean, Bella." Jasper corrected. "Face it, Edward, you're already hooked." I just shrugged.

"See you later." I waved as I walked off.

As evening came, students were heading inside, to the dorms, to the restaurants that dotted the campus grounds. I passed by Alice and Rosalie on my walk and they both shot me death glares. I couldn't imagine what they were so upset about and they stomped away without giving me the chance to ask.

I gave the girls who were still outside a treat by walking around out there for another 20 or so minutes before heading to the lounge. It was my turn to be treated then because who was seated on a couch looking as hot as ever? None other than Bella Swan.

I walked over and stood in front of her, grinning. Her eyes were closed so I tapped her arm gently and waited. The expression on her face when she saw me was not a good one.

"What?" She looked livid, but I wasn't too surprised.

"We didn't get to finish our conversation earlier. You had somewhere to go…?" I smiled. This was going to be fun.

"Yeah. Away from you." Ouch.

"Oh, come on, Bella. Be nice. Is this seat empty?" I asked. Maybe sitting and getting talking would make things better.

"Yes, but this one will be if you sit down," she said glowering. Or maybe not.

"Ooh, touchy, are we?" It might be annoying her, but she was kinda fun to argue with. She didn't answer me, though and held a steady glare.

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" she asked after a while.

"Nope." She seemed even more aggravated by my answer.

"Then just let me be, Edward." She closed her eyes again so I found my opportunity to get a little closer. I crept behind the couch and leaned close to her. Her eyes flew open and she flinched away when she saw me.

"You can't honestly say that you're not attracted to me, Bella," I whispered, trying to draw her in.

"Not in the least." Her voice was cold.

I smiled slightly. "Well, I can fix that…" I let my hand move forward, but when I touched her soft cheek, she exploded.

"What kind of shit are you trying to pull here, Edward?" she shrieked, flinching away from my touch. "I'm not one of those girls begging for your attention. I just want to be away from you. Why can't you see that? Are you so blinded by your arrogance?"

I was stunned. "I just want-"

"No! I don't care what you want! _I _want _you_ gone! Okay?"

"Fine," I snapped. Everything she had said made me want to know her even more. "I just wanted to know you," I said quietly.

Her laugh was bitter and harsh. "I've been there, Edward. I know what you want." I was confused. What did she mean? This girl posed so many questions. I wanted her around, but she obviously didn't want me. I turned and walked away without another word.

I went back to my dorm and sat, staring at a blank wall. When Emmett and Jasper walked in, I realized how long I had just been sitting there.

"Hey, Edward," Jasper said.

"Hey guys. Yeah, sorry for not showing up tonight… Something came up."

"No problem. Don't worry about it," Emmett said.

"I'm gonna go over to the girl's dorm and say goodnight, apologize and stuff." I got up and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Jasper called. "Wanna hear something?"

"What?"

"Alice and Rose's roommate is Bella fucking Swan!" Emmett finished proudly. My face fell.

"Shit," I said quietly. I walked out, preparing myself for the glares and angry words that were sure to come.

Once I was outside room 146, I heard the unmistakable sound of a girl sobbing and my heart dropped to the floor. Just then, Alice opened the door and stepped into the hall closing it behind her. Her face was dead, haunted. It scared me. There was no life in her usually bright eyes.

She took a step back like I was poisonous, her head shaking slowly from side to side.

"I hate you," she whispered. Her voice wasn't as dead as her eyes. The pain in it was palpable. The words were nothing like that playful morning at the house. These were real.

"Alice what-" I tried to ask, but she kept shaking her head, moving away.

"Just stay away from her, Edward. Stay away from all of us." Tears filled her eyes and she went inside her room, slamming the door in my face. I caught a glimpse of a figure huddled on the couch while Rosalie tried to calm her.

I slumped against a wall and slid down to the floor. _What have I done?_ was all I could think. And how come I had such a huge effect on someone? This was seriously fucked up. I would fix it, though. I had to. I can't afford a bad reputation.

And if I was being honest with myself, I can't stand the thought of never speaking to Bella Swan again. I've never met anyone like her and the fact that she's hot is a huge bonus. I _have _to fix it.

Because right now, she fucking hates me.

* * *

_That's my story, as you see_

_Learned my lesson and so did she_

_Now it's over and I'm glad_

_'Cause I'm a fool for all I've said_

_She fucking hates me_

_Trust_

_She fucking hates me_

_La la la love_

_I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none_

_And ripped them away_

* * *

**Good? Crap? Review and let me know! :) I've got a good feeling about this story. :):):):)**

**~Kara**


	4. Second Chances

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight *dies a little***

* * *

**Song: It's A Girl Thing - Jesse Lee**

_You think roses are a waste of time_

_'Cause in three days they just wilt up and die_

_We want 'em anyway_

_Hey, it's a girl thing_

_You think we're pretty at the break of dawn_

_When we wake up without our makeup on_

_We turn the other way_

_Hey, it's a girl thing_

* * *

Bella POV

"Bella!" I shot up, my eyes flying open in shock at the sudden shout. "Good morning, sunshine." Alice stood in my bedroom doorway, smiling sweetly. "Now get your pretty, little butt out of bed. We've got a busy day ahead of us!"

I glanced at the alarm clock on my nightstand, rubbing my eyes sleepily.

"Aww, come on, Alice," I whined, flopping back down onto my bed. "It's 6 a.m. On a Saturday," I added before pulling the covers over my head.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," she said. I could just hear her eyes rolling. "But, as I said, we have a busy day. So I need you to get up and shower. Oh! I picked up the cutest, little thing last night and…" I had basically tuned her out by that point. My eyes were closing and I could feel myself drifting… off… slowly…

"Isabella Swan!" Alice shrieked, making me jump again. "Are you even listening?"

"No," I said childishly, my voice muffled by my blanket. "Go away."

"Bella, don't make me come over there," Alice warned.

"I suggest you do as she says, Bells," Rosalie called, picking up my nickname quickly.

I ignored them both and burrowed deeper under my covers. Alice waited a moment more.

"Fine, be that way." I heard her footsteps faded as she walked away. I allowed myself a small smile of victory before sighing contently and getting back to some much needed sleep.

Suddenly, my blankets were ripped off me and a pair of thin arms picked me up, cradling me roughly. I thrashed around but Alice is insanely strong for someone so tiny. I knew where I was being carried and shrieked.

"I warned you!" Rose yelled from the living room, extremely amused.

Alice kicked the bathroom door open and dumped me into the running shower, pyjamas and all.

The water was _freezing._

"Alice!" I screamed, soaked and shivering.

"I'll leave out something for you to wear." She smiled angelically and closed the door.

Muttering profanities all the way through, I removed my sodden pyjamas, turned on the hot water and took a calming shower.

I wrapped a towel around myself and stomped to my room. Now that she'd woken me up, Alice would have to deal with "Grouchy Bella" all day. I walked into my room to find an outfit laid out on my bed, ready to be worn. I also noticed that the clothes didn't even belong to me. I put them on anyway, knowing Alice would force me to go back and change if I didn't.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Alice had put me in dark skinnies and a deep blue, v-neck top. The style was tight fitting but they fit on me perfectly. It wasn't something I would normally wear, but I had to admit that I did look good.

I walked into the kitchen where my two roommates sat eating breakfast.

"So, how was your shower?" Alice asked, politely smiling, though her eyes danced wickedly. "Was the water warm enough for you?" Both girls giggled.

"Just perfect," I spat, glaring at them. I waited for the laughter to quiet before continuing. "Alice? I'm curious… Where'd you get these clothes? I haven't even been here a day." We hadn't gone shopping and I couldn't think of a time between last night and now that she could've snuck out for an evening shopping spree.

"Well, after dinner, Rose and I went for a quick look around and I saw this," she answered, gesturing to my outfit. "I knew it would look perfect on you and I'm pretty good at guessing sizes so…" she trailed off beaming. Then her smiled faded. "Had I known you were here all alone, so upset , we wouldn't have stayed, but-"

"It's okay, Alice. Really," I said firmly.

"Doesn't change how sorry we are, though," Rose said.

I sighed, smiling slightly to let them know I was okay. "I know."

"After my breakdown the night before, all the secrets I had withheld were out the window now. I had told them everything, from my snobby years to becoming a teenage "parent". They knew about my parents, all about the kids. All my dirty little secrets. And, for some reason, that didn't bother me. I had given these two strangers all I had, every part of me. But I knew already that they wouldn't betray me.

And the best part: they don't treat me differently. Alice proved that this morning.

"So," Rose started, changing the topic, "Alice and I went through your clothes earlier and, no offense, Bella, but your wardrobe is just _awful._"

I blushed, looking down. "Thanks," I muttered sarcastically. "Well," I said, looking at her again, "I didn't have much cause to look good when I never went out."

Now it was Rose's turn to blush. "Right. Sorry."

I just shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I honestly don't care."

"Alright then!" Alice chirped. "It's settled. Bells, you're coming shopping with Rose and me and we're going to buy a whole new wardrobe for you!" The girls squealed excitedly as I groaned.

"Do I even get a say in this?" I moaned unhappily. Their smiles turned devilish as they looked at me.

"No."

"Come on, Bella! We're gonna be late!"

"Alice! There isn't a time you _have_ to be at the mall. It doesn't even open until nine and it's," I glanced at the clock. "8:15!"

"Yes, but don't you want a tour of the campus? It's early so there will be barely anyone around and I'm sure you haven't seen much," Rose said.

"Fine, I sighed. I guess it would be helpful to know where I'm living for the next however many months.

I went outside the dorm to wait for Alice and Rose, rolling my eyes as they talked about fashion and what would look best on me. It all seemed absurd. Suddenly, I tripped over something and went sprawling onto the floor.

"Owww," I said quietly.

"Mmmph uhhhhhh….." I heard close to me.

"What the hell?" I turned over and sat up to see what that sound was coming from. There, half-sitting, half-laying in the hallway, rubbing his eyes was Edward Cullen. He moved his hands from his face.

"Bella?" He shook his head and rubbed his eyes once more as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"Bella?" another voice called. Rosalie came into the hall, followed by Alice. They looked down at me still on the floor. "What are you doing?" Rose asked. Then she noticed Edward and her face twisted. "What are you doing here?" she hissed.

"Did you… did you sleep here?" Alice asked quietly. She didn't look at him. The pain and guilt that showed on his face when he heard Alice speak was almost too much to watch. He looked down, avoiding our gazes.

"Yeah. Uh, I guess I did…" he answered quietly.

"Well now you can leave," Rose said harshly.

He looked up finally and stared at me. "Can I just talk to you for a minute?"

"No," Rosalie and Alice answered for me. "Now let's go, Bella," Alice urged. "Get up."

I scrutinized the look on Edward's face for a moment. He looked upset and strangely vulnerable. I sighed, deciding to give him a minute of my time. I just hoped it would be worth it in the end.

"Can you guys give me a second?" I asked, glancing up at them. They looked ready to object. "Please."

"Fine," Rose finally answered. "But we won't be far." Her warning was clear. They turned and walked down the long hall, glancing back at us every so often. I waited until they were out of sight before facing Edward.

He was already standing, offering a hand to help me. I ignored him and got up on my own.

"What? I asked, crossing my arms and looking him straight in the eye. He seemed flustered by my confidence and attitude.

"Look, Bella… I'm an asshole."

"I agree."

He rubbed his forehead as he thought. "I'm trying to find the right words to fix all this, but that's probably not possible," he sighed.

"You're right."

"I know. So, I'm just going to tell you that I'm sorry. You don't know how sorry. Really. I'm such a jerk." He paused. "But I know I can change. I can be a better person… if you're willing to let me hang around a little longer."

"Look… Edward… I don't know you. I don't know if the person I met yesterday is really who you are or if there's something more behind that asshole." That made him crack a smile, but my next words made it fade just as quickly. "But, living the life I have, I learned not to give second chances." I looked down as I thought. "Because giving a second chance is just letting that person fail you – hurt you – again. That's just the way it is…" I looked up. "So, I'm really hoping you're an exception to that rule."

His eyes were hopeful. "What are you saying then, Bella?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm saying I'll give you another opportunity to show me you aren't the big jerk I think you are. For Alice and Rose's sake, of course. I don't want to be the source of any family issues. She shouldn't hate you because of what you did to me."

He seemed like he was in awe. "Thanks, Bella. So," he stuck out a hand for me to shake, "friends?"

I looked down at his hand then back up at him. "No."

"What?"

"Just because I'm giving you a second chance, doesn't mean we're automatically friends. It means I don't hate you. I mean, I don't like you… but I don't hate you."

He rolled his eyes. "Great."

I beamed at him. "I know it is! Well I've gotta go. Those two are probably going crazy right now," I said, gesturing down the hall.

He smiled. "Right. Well, bye. And thanks."

I nodded. "See ya." I started down the hall.

"By the way, Bella… You look amazing," he called. I stopped and a smile spread across my face.

I looked over my shoulder, back at him. "I know."

Then I turned and made my way down the hall without looking back.

"Aw, aren't we done yet?" I whined.

"Not yet!" Alice sang happily as she dance toward me with another armful of clothing. I rolled my eyes and huffed as I followed her to the change rooms yet again. She and Rosalie had been picking out clothes for me to try on and critiquing every little detail before saying yes or no to it.

I had already gotten quite a few things, but apparently it still wasn't enough. I stepped out of the change room wearing one of Alice's picks.

"Bella, you're looking hot, girl," Rose exclaimed. I wasn't even aware of what I was wearing and, at that point, I didn't care.

"Remind me why we're doing this again," I said. We'd been here for hours and I was exhausted.

"Because," Alice said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world," it's what we girls do. We shop, we have sleepovers, we share secrets. We just _be girls_."

"Well I guess I'm not a girl because I don't do any of those things," I challenged.

"Bells, look where we are. The mall. Think of what we're doing. Shopping. That's one. Remember what you told Rose and me last night? Your secrets. That's two. And, well, for number three, we'll just have to do something special for tonight!"

"Oh, God no," I moaned.

We paid for our things and grabbed the bags.

"Do you guys wanna grab something to eat?" I asked. "Put down all this stuff for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure," Alice answered. "But let's call the boys and have them join us." She whipped out her phone and dialled a number. "Hey, Jazz. Yeah, we're at the mall… You guys wanna come get something to eat? Yeah… mhmm… okay. Thanks Jasper. I love you…. Bye."

"I'm guessing they're coming?" I asked.

"Yup. And you'll get to meet Emmett and Jasper," she said. I realized I still had no clue who Emmett and Jasper were since I hadn't come to dinner the night before.

"Oh, yeah. Cool." I smiled.

The girls waved down the boys when they arrived since I had no idea who to look for. There were more than just the two, though. It was a whole group and I recognized Edward in the middle.

Alice smiled. "Good. You brought back-up 'cause we've got a lot of shit," she said, handing the bags off to a handsome blond with blue eyes.

"Hey, Hey! I though this was about food!" Another boy complained. He was a giant. He had massive muscles and was huge, but the pouting expression on his face looked funny compared with the rest of him.

"It is," Rosalie said. "For carrying our bags, you get rewarded with food." Grumbles passed through the group as they took our bags. Then Alice started rattling off names for me.

"Bella, this is Jasper," the tall, handsome blonde, "Emmett," the burly one. I saw he was grinning at me and his dimples made him look very good looking as well. "You already know that one," she said passing over Edward. He sulked and I grinned at him. "This is Mason," she said. He was very handsome also, with a bright smile. "And this is-"

"Jacob?" I whispered, stunned.

"Bella." He grinned. "Long time no see, Tiny. Wow. Small world."

Jacob Black was a boy I had met back when I was a "daddy's girl". The one guy I was able to be friends with and not need any more than that. We had dated at one point, but then both of us agreed we were better off as friends. We were very close until I moved away with Charlie. That was the only time moving was hard for me. It was very difficult saying goodbye to Jacob.

"Jacob!" I said again, with more enthusiasm this time and ran into his arms. Warm and familiar.

"Oh, so you won't hug me, but you'll hug this goof." Alice stood there, eyebrow raised, arms crossed and toe tapping, expecting an answer.

"I'm sorry, Ali. But I actually _know _Jacob," I said as I released him.

"Fine," she said, and then went on putting. I ignored her drama.

"So, how are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm good. A little hurt that you didn't notice me outside with these guys yesterday. You were too busy talking to Edward. Typical." I shoved him playfully. He was just as dramatic as Alice.

"You were there?" I asked, trying to remember seeing him.

"Yup. I was one of the friends laughing their asses off when you rejected him." He smiled at the memory.

"Yeah. Some friend," Edward muttered. I smiled at the both of them.

Our group went to go get some food and Jacob and I caught up. Edward and I were civil and I couldn't help but think that maybe things wouldn't be so bad.

"So what do you need all this stuff for anyway?" Emmett asked, looking at all the bags surrounding us as we sat in the food court. His tough looks were nothing close to who he was. He was funny, adorable and it was hard not to like him.

"It's a girl thing, apparently," I said. "It's what we do, I guess. We shop… we tell secrets…?"

He laughed loudly. "You seem unsure."

I blushed and shrugged. He continued to laugh.

"Oh, and sleepovers," I added. "We have sleepovers."

"With pillow fights?" Emmett asked eagerly, hopefully. I looked around the table to see that all the boys had the same expression on their faces. Hoping that this little "fantasy" was true.

Rosalie leaned over to whisper in my ear. "Don't say no. They'd be absolutely crushed." I could tell she was trying hard to hold back her laughter.

I looked around the table again and into the eyes of all the guys surrounding me. When my eyes met Edward's, I raised an eyebrow at him. His cheeks turned a light pink colour and he looked away, but I could tell he was still listening.

Finally I nodded. "Yes, Emmett. With pillow fights."

* * *

_We're impulsive, but you think it's cute_

_'Cause the last thing we need is a new pair of shoes_

_We've got a closet full_

_Yeah, it's a girl thing_

_We love romance and candle light_

_You like a cold beer, we like a fine wine_

_You hardly talk, we can talk all night_

_You wanna fix it. We just wanna cry_

_Yeah, it's a girl thing_

* * *

**So there you go! I really have a good feeling about this fanfic so I'd appreciate as many reviews as possible. Even if you don't usually, try it! I appreciate every single review soo much. You have no idea.**

**K thanks guys! Love you all!**

**~Kara **


	5. Competition

**Hi again. I know I'm a few days late on my update, but at least it's finished! You can skip the rest of this Author's note if you want because none of it is really important.**

**Anyway, I had to change my Pen name for different reasons but it doesn't matter. I'm now Ramsay Fiction. **

**I've been sick lately so I've been pretty slow on the updates and I have just acquired some new infection as I'm writing this right now. Yipee... I'm going to try to keep updating as much as possible though. I'll do my best.**

**Also, have you read any good books lately? If you have, I would love to read it. Yeah I'm pretty boring. So, if you want to share any good books with me, just leave the name and author in your review or PM me. Either one is good. Same with songs and music. I have jam packed my iPod with any song you can imagine, but I would love more. Just leave the name and artist!**

**So who saw Eclipse? I did! I loved it. The best one yet. Tell me what you thought.**

**I think that's about it so read on!  
**

* * *

**Song: Who You Are Without Me - Kate Voegele **

* * *

_Put me up on a pedestal_

_I've got nowhere to go but down_

_Well you tell me I'm beautiful_

_It feels empty and I don't know why_

_But it seems that you're searching me _

_For something you're not gonna find_

_I'm not your anchor, so don't hold on_

_I'm not the answer, you've got me wrong_

_I'm not your savior, save your energy_

_And find out who you are, who you are without me_

* * *

Bella POV

I tried my best to take deep, calming breaths as I sat on the couch. First day of school had really gotten to me.

"I don't think I can do this," I said quietly, my voice quivering.

"Why not, Bella?" Alice asked. "You've already been here for almost three days now. You'll do just fine."

"No, I won't, Alice. Because I don't belong here. Sure, I have money, but that doesn't make me automatically fit in. I'm not one of those girls who just uses Daddy's credit card to buy whatever I desire. And I know you guys aren't like that, but you're pretty and popular. Everyone likes you." I sighed, overwhelmed. "I shouldn't have come here in the first place. This was all a mistake." I was on the verge of tears now.

"Hey, no crying. You'll ruin your make up and I spent a long time on that," she said sternly. I cracked a smile and her expression softened a bit.

"Really, Bella, you've got at least one person you know in all of your classes," Rosalie added. "We're all looking out for you and you'll make friends. You'll like it here. Just give it a chance."

It was true. I did know someone in all of my classes. In my schedule that consisted of English, Art, Spanish, Math, Biology and Gym, there was always someone I had met over the past couple of days in my class. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were all seniors so I didn't have any classes with them and sadly I didn't see Jacob during the day either. But I did have two classes with Alice, three with Mason – whose company I was starting to enjoy – and, unfortunately, four classes with Edward.

"Now stop sniffling. The boys will be here any minute and we'll have to go," Alice said, standing up and brushing off her clothes.

"Okay," I took a deep breath, "Let's do this then, I guess."

Alice smiled. "That's my girl!"

There was a knock at the door and Edward, Emmett and Jasper let themselves in.

"Mornin' ladies," Jasper said, bowing politely.

"Hey Jazz!" Alice bounced excitedly into his arms. She always seemed unbelievably happy when she was with him.

"So, Bella, you ready for your first day?" Emmett asked.

"Nope," Rosalie answered for me, moving to Emmett. "She's scared shitless." His booming laugh filled the room, but I could still barely force a smile.

"Well, let's just get it over with then," Jasper said, smiling kindly at me. His charm and smoothness made me a little better. He had a way with people.

Jasper left with Alice, followed by Rose and Emmett, leaving me with Edward.

Awkward.

He cleared his throat. "You, uh… you coming?"

I took one more deep breath. "Yeah, let's go."

The walk to our first class was nerve wracking to say the least. When the others said their goodbyes and it was just Edward and me, I was near hyperventilation. We had English as the first of our four classes together, but I wasn't sure I'd make it inside.

"Bella, relax. I don't even know why you're so worried. You'll be fine. Trust me," Edward said softly. He gently placed a hand on the small of my back, guiding me inside.

"Uh, I don't think that's such a good idea," I said, removing his hand. A group of girls stood watching as Edward and I walked to our first class. Well, maybe glaring is the right word.

"Why not?" He grinned as he looked down at me. "I thought you didn't hate me."

"I don't but that could change so watch yourself." I glanced over at the girls again. "Plus, it looks like your little fan club over there isn't too fond of you touching me." And honestly, I wasn't too fond of him touching me either.

He shrugged. "Why should I care?"

"You don't have to care. But I'd rather not get bitched at by some snob on the _first _day of school." I explained.

"Why not? That happened to me… but then again the snob was my girlfriend at the time… and she caught me making out with another girl… hmmm…"

"You are disgusting," I muttered.

"Yeah… I deserved it," he admitted.

My conversation – and annoyance – with Edward had made me forget about my nerves. So when I got into class and sat in an open desk at the back of the class, I wasn't even worried.

The two desks on either side of me were taken, I noticed with delight as I saw Edward trying to find a seat. He saw this too. He stood for a moment and then smirked at me.

"Ahem," Edward cleared his throat and waited for the boy occupying the desk to my right to look up.

"Oh, hi," said the boy. He looked slightly intimidated. "Was there something you wanted?"

Edward didn't respond. Instead, he looked at the boy, then pointedly at the desk in which he was seated.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't know…" The boy scrambled to gather up his things and nearly ran from the seat.

I stared in shock as Edward grinned and took his seat, putting his feet up on the desk and leaning back leisurely against the wall.

"What?" he asked after catching me gaping at him.

"What the hell was that? You can't just kick him out of his seat!" I said angrily. He was so rude and disrespectful.

"Uh, yeah, I can."

"Oh, and why is that? Does he owe you or something?" I spat back.

"No," he shrugged. "I'm just better than everybody else. Jeez, Bella, get a clue. I'm Edward. Fucking. Cullen," he emphasized.

"Hey guys! Bella, I didn't know you were in…" Mason trailed off, assessing the situation. "Oooh, I came at a bad time, didn't I…" He sighed, his face scrunched in embarrassment. "Well… this is awkward…"

"Settle down, class. In your seats." Mr. Clark, our English teacher, quieted us and began his lesson.

About half-way through class, I realized Mason – who had taken a seat right in front of me – kept glancing back at me and then smiling at Edward. And then the whispers began.

"Hey, man, if you don't, I will," Mason whispered to Edward. I saw his eyes dart to me and away.

Edward snorted. "I'd like to see you even try."

"Like I said, if you don't, I will," he repeated.

"Will you two please just shut up?" I hissed.

"Excuse me, Miss Swan? Is there a problem? Because I don't remember letting any of my students talk while I was teaching," Mr. Clark said sternly.

"Ooooh," Mason and Edward chorused. I glared.

"Mr. Cullen. Mr. Alden. I also don't recall this being an elementary school. Could you_ please _at least try to act your age?"

"Sure thing, Big C," Edward said, smirking.

"Your behaviour is very unacceptable, Mr. Cullen. If you can't control yourself then I suggest you leave." Mr. Clark's gaze was cold.

"No, no. It's all good. Please continue." I could tell Edward was trying to hold back laughter. Class continued and I tried my best to concentrate.

"Seriously man," Mason said quietly, "I'll give you a week. Then it's my turn."

"A week? That's not enough. She can't stand me, remember?" Edward reminded him, annoyed.

Finally it clicked. "Are you two talking about me?" I asked, disgusted.

Their eyes were wide and innocent. "No, never."

"Okay, whatever game you guys are playing here, it can end now. You both lose."

Edward seemed to find a challenge in my words. "We'll see about that."

Art went by in the same fashion. Edward forced himself beside me even if I moved and we had hissed arguments throughout the class. On the plus side, Alice was there and she made it a bit easier.

"What class do you have next?" I asked Alice as the bell rang.

"We both have Spanish with Mrs. Goff," she answered.

"Aw, that sucks," Edward whined. "My first Bella-free class."

"It really is such a shame," I said sarcastically. "I know you love me."

He grinned. "You've got that right."

I turned to Alice. "Can we go?" She nodded and I could hear Edward laughing as we walked away.

"So, how horrible was it?" Alice asked.

"Are you referring to Edward bothering me all morning, him and Mason talking about me while I'm sitting right there, the glares of jealous snobs or just the first day of school in general?" I asked.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but things will pick up, I'm sure."

"I doubt that," I muttered.

Spanish was a fairly basic class and I concluded that I wouldn't have much trouble. When class ended, I sighed sadly. That was my last one with Alice and now I was just stuck with Mason and Edward for the rest of the day.

"See you at lunch," Alice called, waving.

"Bye," I said quietly.

Mr. Donnelly, my math teacher, stood at his door, greeting students and asking for names as they came into class.

"Bella!" Mason called waving at me from his seat. Oh joy, I have math with him… I ignored him and found a seat far from where he was. He came up and flopped down next to me.

"What is with you guys and insisting to sit near me?" I asked, frustrated.

"What's the matter Bella? Boy trouble?" He grinned cheekily.

"Don't start with me, Mason. You are just like Edward. And that's definitely not a compliment."

He sighed. "Okay, sorry. Honestly, we're just goofing off. It's what we do. No disrespect."

"Well, then you don't need to involve me in any of it."

"It's hard not to. See, everything's been about you lately because Cullen's got a little crush. Well, more like a huge crush," he admitted. "And I honestly don't blame him," he added, looking me over.

"Stop it. I'm still mad," I said trying to look annoyed. But the blush on my face made that impossible. Thankfully, class started then and I turned my focus to Mr. Donnelly gratefully.

Suddenly, I felt a folded piece of paper being slipped under my hand on the desk. I opened it carefully.

_So what are you gonna do now that you know how he feels?_ Mason had scrawled, barely legible.

_Who? Edward? _I flipped the note onto his desk. He read it and sighed dramatically before scribbling a quick message.

_Who else?_

_Well there's no need for the attitude. And I'm not going to do anything. We're not even friends. We can't go a minute without fighting. He is the last person I'd be in a relationship with._

Mason took the note. He sighed quietly and shook his head.

"He won't be happy once he finds out that there's no chance for him," Mason told me. We were walking to the cafeteria after math.

"And I'm supposed to care?" I retorted. "There are hundreds of other girls he can screw around with and screw over, but not me. He was the one who messed up in the first place anyway."

"Yeah, well he does that a lot," Mason admitted.

"I can imagine."

"Yeah but it'll still upset him. He doesn't take rejection well," Mason continued.

"Again, Mason, I don't care. He was the jerk. Plus, I think I'd rather date _you._" My nose wrinkled in distaste at the thought.

"Well there's an idea," he purred, slipping an arm around my waist. I pulled away.

"Don't even think about it," I warned him. "I don't date."

"Okay, okay." He held his hands up in surrender.

When we arrived in the lunch room, I was introduced to Tyler Crowley. A little strange, but he seemed nice enough. After a while, I noticed Edward watching Mason and me very closely. Apparently, Mason saw this as well and he scooted closer to me. Edward's eyes zeroed in on the 3 inch space between us.

"I'm not even touching you and he's practically pissing himself," Mason whispered to me, his lips just brushing my ear. I looked down, letting my hair fall in front of my face to hide my smile.

It wasn't easy for me to break out of my shell and converse with these people I hardly knew, but I was getting better at it. And I felt like I wasn't drowning anymore. I was floating.

Mason walked me to Biology after lunch with Edward trailing behind us. Just before we reached my classroom, Mason linked his fingers with mine.

"Mason, what are you doing?" I asked, pulling him to a halt. I wasn't mad, just confused. I cursed under my breath as I realized Edward must have seen us holding hands. Then, it wasn't Edward I was worried about. Everywhere I looked, people were staring. Jeez, didn't they anything better to do?

"Just bugging Cullen." He smiled widely, nodding to the right of us where Edward must have been watching. I didn't follow his gaze.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I can't," I pulled my hand gently from his. I half smiled. "People might get the wrong idea."

"I get it. Can I at least give the nice lady a hug?" he asked. I was unsure.

He used my uncertainty as his opportunity and pulled me into a tight hug.

"See you later Bells," he said releasing me and quickly looking over my head with a smile before skipping off to his next class. My face burned as people stared at me.

I cringed as I turned around. I didn't want to see who I knew I would see standing there. Edward was leaning against the wall staring at me. There was no emotion in his face as he watched me.

"What do you want Edward?"

"I really just wanted to know…" he pushed himself from the wall. "What the hell was that?"

"What?" I asked innocently, playing with him.

"Oh, come on! Mason? Really? He's worse than me!"

"How is my personal life any of your business?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, uh, I guess it's not… but still…" His pleading eyes bore into mine.

"Relax Edward. Mason and I are friends… sort of. Unlike you and me, though."

"And when do you think _we_ will become friends?" He stepped closer to me, a small smile gracing his lips.

"I don't know, but from the way things have been going lately, I'm thinking never. You have to earn that right, and so far you haven't done that. Now, we're late for class. Come on." I grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward our classroom door.

I stood in the doorway looking abashed with Edward at my side. Mr. Banner, our Bio teacher, gave us a very dirty look.

"Not a very good way to start off the year, you two. Names?" he said harshly.

"Um, Isabella Swan," I said quietly, my face obviously red.

I felt something squeeze my hand and at that moment I realized my hand wasn't where it should have been. Edward had somehow worked his hand into the one that held his wrist without me noticing. Did he want everyone to hate me on the first day of school? I ripped my hand from his and elbowed him. Hard.

"Ow!" he hissed. "Fuck, Bella!"

A few snickers ran through the class and Mr. Banner cleared his throat to get our attention.

"I asked for your name, young man." Mr. Banner was even more annoyed.

"Edward Cullen," he answered with a grin.

"Fine then. Edward, Isabella, here's your seat. You will be lab partners for this year." He pointed to a lab table at the back of the room.

_You have got to be shitting me! Him? The whole year? _I thought.

"Miss Swan!" Mr. Banner yelled as laughter filled the class. Did I say that out loud? "That language is unacceptable in my classroom!" I guess I did. "Now I suggest you take your seat before I kick you out of my class for good," he threatened.

"I'm sorry, sir," I said quietly, shrinking away from his hard eyes as I made my way to the back of the class. I kept my eyes down, avoiding the gazes of my peers. If anyone had noticed – and I'm sure they did – me holding hands with Edward and Mason just moments before, they would probably get the wrong idea about me. Edward followed closely behind, but when I sat down, I ignored him. I was sure that if I simply looked at him, I would either start crying or screaming at him. I didn't want to risk doing either.

Biology ticked by slowly and at the class I apologized to Mr. Banner once more. He seemed pleased and I hoped it would help his impression of me. Edward waited for me by the door and I stalked by him without a word. In Gym, Coach Reed introduced himself and talked about regulations and expectations of the students. Mason sat by me with Edward on his other side. They waited to walk me to my dorm after school and I rolled my eyes at the pair. It was humorous at the same time as it was annoying. I would have to deal with them.

"A word with you two?" I said sharply.

"Yes, Bella?" Mason asked politely.

"Cut the crap, Mason. You two are getting on my nerves."

"How so?" Edward asked in the same tone Mason had used.

"Well, you, for starters." I faced Edward's best friend." You trying to piss Edward off is getting old. And you," my eyes darted to Edward. "That little hand holding thing was not funny. Did you ever think of how your pranks might affect me? People are going to start talking when I'm all over the place with you guys. And you're making it worse. Just tone it down. Please." I exhaled after my lecture. The boys were looking down, shuffling their feet.

"Sorry Bella," they mumbled.

"Good. Now, let's go."

The rest of the week went by faster than I expected. I was getting used to the teachers and classes. Students were another matter altogether, though. With Mason and Edward hanging around me all the time, other guys were afraid to come up to me. I didn't mind since I'm not planning to date, but I was trying to meet new people and they were making it very difficult. I was taking a huge risk in putting myself out there, but they just kept pulling me back in. And even when I didn't speak to either of them, Edward and Mason would hang around me like bodyguards.

I wasn't the only one not appreciating the attention. Everywhere I went, girls shot me death glares. Now, I was so afraid of having a conflict with someone, I would walk with my hood up and head down, especially when I wasn't with Mason and Edward or any of my slightly scary friends. I stayed quiet in school and didn't speak unless spoken to.

Finally I'd had enough.

Edward showed up at my dorm Friday after school. Rosalie and Alice had stepped out for a quick shopping trip so I had the whole place to myself.

"Hey." He stood awkwardly in the doorway.

I smiled slightly. "Hi."

"So I was wondering if you wanted to go hang out in the lounge or watch a movie or something…?"

I sighed. "Um, not really, no."

He seemed upset. "Why not?"

"I don't know. Because I just don't want to."

"You never want to do anything, Bella!" he complained. "You said I had to earn it if I want to be your friend. And I do, believe me; I want to be your friend. But you won't let me!"

I turned my back on him so I wouldn't have to see his face. "I don't know what you want from me, Edward." I took a couple steps inside, still not facing him. "I'm doing all I can."

"No you're not." He followed me inside and I heard the door close. I finally looked at him. "What happened to my second chance, Bella? The one you promised me for Rose and Alice."

I was silent.

He sat down on the couch and stared at me. "Bella, you've been treating me like shit and you know it. I wasn't going to say anything, but I'm fed up. I don't deserve this, especially when you said I could try again."

"Well maybe I don't want you to try again, Edward!" I finally burst. "Maybe I don't want you around! Maybe you need to go your own way. Maybe I don't want to give you everything you want from me. Maybe I'm afraid."

My last statement caught his attention. "What are you afraid of?" he asked quietly.

"I'm afraid I'll regret our friendship and…" My voice quieted. "And I'm afraid you'll hurt me again."

"Bella," he whispered. I just shook my head, avoiding his compelling eyes.

It was quiet for a few moments.

So what do we do now?" he asked.

When I looked at him again, I smiled gently. "I have no idea."

I don't know how long we stayed like that, just watching each other, but Alice and Rosalie came bursting through the door soon enough. I probably jumped a foot in the air out of shock. They stopped dead in their tracks when they saw Edward sitting there with me.

"What are you doing? Alice asked, thoroughly confused.

"Uh, I was just leaving," Edward stood and walked to the door. "Bye."

I gave a small wave. "Bye Edward."

"What was that all about?" Rose asked once he left.

"I don't know for sure," I answered. I thought back to our argument. He wanted some sort of commitment from me that I couldn't give. We had come to no resolution. But even though neither of us said anything, something had definitely changed. "But I think it was the start of… something."

* * *

_I'm not a mirror, look inside yourself_

_I'm not a hero you know too well_

_I'm not your saviour, save your energy_

_To find out who you are_

_Yeah, who you are without me_

* * *

**So what'd you think? A review would be very very nice! Thanks!**

**~Kara**


	6. Keeping Quiet

**Another chapter for your enjoyment!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

**

* * *

**

**Song: Lies - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova**

* * *

_I think it's time we give it up_

_And figure out what's stopping us_

_From breathing easy and talking straight_

_Little cracks, they escalated_

_Before you know it was too late_

_For making circles _

_And telling lies_

* * *

"Hey, Bella?" Edward and I were walking to English together and he seemed especially fidgety that morning.

"Yeah?" I was a bit nervous about what he was going to ask. Normally Edward was never this awkward. He was straight forward and to the point because that's who Edward Cullen always was.

"Well, we haven't really gotten to know each other that well and I just thought that I should learn more about who my family spends time with." He smirked. After our strange reconciliation a couple of weeks ago, Edward and I still hadn't gotten the chance to talk and be alone. We were always busy with something or someone.

"You say it like I'm some kind of criminal." I pointed out, a little annoyed.

"No, I'm just curious about you. Who is Isabella Swan?" he mused. If I told you, you'd run away. Screaming.

I sighed. "What do you wanna know?"

He shook his head, a stupid smile plastered on his face. "Not now. There's not enough time for the giant list of questions I have ready for you to be answered."

I looked at him suspiciously. "Then what do you have in mind, exactly?"

"Nothing special. Just grab some dinner or order a pizza and just... talk." He looked at me hopefully.

I was still skeptical. "Not like a date, right?"

"Not if you don't want that."

I shook my head before speaking again. "I'm just not really..."

He cut me off. "You don't have to explain. I get it. Just friends. But I still want to know you better."

"Okay," I finally agreed. "But I don't really feel like going out. People are already making different assumptions and I can't deal with anymore right now." I don't know when it was that I went from hating conflict and drama to being so scared of it that I might just have a panic attack or something. When had I become this person who couldn't deal with anger or hate? Why did I have to be like this? Who was I anymore? This wasn't the Bella I knew, the Bella I used to be.

He stared at me for a minute, searching for something. Searching for my secret. I became closed off and distant under his gaze. He couldn't know. Ever.

"That's fine, Bella. There's no point in making you uncomfortable." Uncomfortable? What an understatement. "We can just order pizza, hang out in my dorm. I can kick Em and Jazz out pretty easily."

I let out a shaky breath. It was better than anything else I could come up with. "Sounds great."

School was moving to quickly for my liking. Usually, I found school a tad dull, but not today. Deep down, I was dreading my "date" with Edward. As much as I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling that becoming close to him would be a huge mistake. He seemed honest and remorseful, though and it would be cruel of me to just blow him off again again, especially when he was putting in such an effort to make amends with me. But there was something that made me unsure. I didn't feel unsafe around him, just unsure. In the end I just didn't know what to expect.

Lunch rolled around and Alice's expression brightened when she saw me walking in with Mason and Edward coming toward the table as well. It was a usual lunch with a number of us crowded around the small table. I was squished between Edward and Mason while the joked and laughed rowdily. I mostly faded into the backround, content with watching everybody having a good time.

Alice was unusually quiet during lunch. She seemed to be thinking hard about something and every time she looked my way, which was often, her expression looked grateful. I was thoroughly confused, but I decided not to ask. She would probably tell me later anyway.

Instead, my thoughts drifted to my kids. I missed Ashley, Katie and Anthony so much that I was in physical pain. I never quite understood a mother's love for her children until I was burdened and blessed with my own. It was so strong and completely indescribable. I would give my life for any one of them in a heartbeat. I didn't ever think I would really want children in my life, but something about those three kids had changed my perspective on everything.

I phoned my mother and Phil almost everyday. Only Phil ever answered when they saw it was me. It hurt me that my own mother wouldn't want to even speak to me, to see how I was in my new school was. But I'd been disconnected from her for so long now that it didn't bother me as much.

Phil always gave me an update on how everybody was. He let me speak to the kids all the time and the girls described their days to me. Even the most mundane details were important to me. I wanted to still be there for them. I didn't want them to think I'd abandoned them.

It was hardest with Anthony, though. When I was taking care of them, he had begun to call me mommy. At first I thought he was looking for Victoria, but when he started asking for things as best as he could while calling me mommy, I knew. My heart broke the first time I'd realized what he was saying. He knew very well that I wasn't actually his mother, but the transition just seemed right to him, so it stuck. I didn't want to feel like his mommy had left him a second time., though. And in a weird way, I felt guilty, like I was making him forget about Victoria, but he wouldn't change his ways. Even Katie had gotten into the habit of calling me that every once in a while, but I knew that once she got older, she would probably stop.

Phil assured me that they were all fine, but they did miss me. Anthony often woke in the night, crying for me and they had trouble calming him down. It killed me to hear that. He said, other than that, they were fairly happy and they were well taken care of by both him and my mother. That fact relaxed me a bit, but I never went more than a couple of days without phoning to check in again. My phone bill would be through the roof, but Charlie paid for it and he had a little to spare. Cue the eye roll.

"Hey, B, lunch is over. Come on." I felt myself being rattled gently and felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched out from under it and glanced up to see Edward standing there with a guarded expression on his face.

I blinked a couple times, coming back into the present. "Sorry." I quickly got up. "Let's go." Then, realizing what he had just called me, I slowly raised an eyebrow at him. "B?"

His skin turned a light pink and he shrugged with a small smile. Wow, Edward Cullen was blushing too. What an odd day.

But I looked at him seriously. "Never again. No 'B' ever."

He laughed. "Okay, okay," he said, still chuckling.

Biology was just some dull video on cells. But, for some reason, Edward couldn't stop moving and shuffling around. Finally it was just annoying.

"Would you just calm the fuck down?" I hissed in the dark. "Are you trying to be annoying?" I never snapped like that except for when I was around Edward. For some reason, he seemed to bring it out in me.

"Well excuse me for wanting to relax." He slumped down against the lab table. I didn't appreciate his tone.

"Take a Xanax or something, asshat."

"Well aren't you just a peach today," he observed.

"I try."

He rolled his eyes and went back to watching the video.

Gym was a nightmare. I was no good at volleyball and it made me look like one of those idiotic girls who were to lazy to even touch the ball. I tried, but it most likely would've been better if I hadn't. I couldn't wait for basketball. The one sport I was half decent at. The one unit in gym class that I was actually excited about and that I enjoyed.

When I came out of the change room, my boys were waiting to walk me to my dorm. Edward seemed to be having some kind of argument with Mason.

"What's up you guys," I greeted them, interrupting whatever Mason was about to say.

"Not much. Mason was just leaving."

"I was?" Mason said back, challenging Edward.

"Oh, shut up both of you," I finally said. "Mason, Edward and I are hanging out today, just the two of us, so no you can't be there." Edward smiled victoriously. "But, Edward, Mason and I will be spending time together tomorrow and you are not invited." I wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea of hanging out with Mason too, but it was all I could come up with.

Mason grinned cheekily at his best friend. Before Edward had time to object, I continued. "And if I hear any objections then the whole thing is cancelled! Now let's go Edward, before I change my mind." I started walking away and Edward followed.

After a few minutes, I noticed that he was staring incredulously at me. "What?"

He blinked. "Where the hell did that do-what-I-say, no nonsense Bella come from?"

I beamed at him. "I guess you and Mason only get my good side."

"Alright. So where to, Miss Boss Lady?"

I rolled my eyes. "Why don't we just go to your place now?"

"Fantastic."

We walked to his dorm and I kept my eyes down, away from the sharp gazes of my peers. It had been three weeks and Edward Cullen walking somewhere with some girl was still the talk of the school. These people really did need to get out more.

Edward unlocked the door to his room, mumbling something about Emmett and Jasper hanging out with the girls so they wouldn't be home. He swung open the door and ushered me inside.

I had been in the boys' dorm a couple of times, but not often or long enough to see what it was really like. I walked around the room, running my hands along the shelves stocked with more CDs than a music store. A flat screen, giant speakers, video games. The while place was neat and organized, nothing like I expected.

"Alice and Rose make us keep the place clean. They can't stand mess," Edward told me from across the room.

"I see. At our place, there's never a thing out of its spot." I was as much of a neat freak as my roommates so I appreciated the fact that they made Edward, Emmett and Jasper keep their place in order as well.

In the corner, a guitar was leaning against an empty space on the wall. I walked up to it, letting my fingers caress the strings. It made me a remember a time when I might've been holding that guitar, strumming some unknown melody and letting myself fall into the music.

"Do you play?" Edward was watching my actions, still keeping his distance.

I shook my head. Not an entire lie. I did at one point, but not anymore. "You?"

"Nah. I just like to carry the guitar around to make me look musical. Makes getting girls so easy," he joked. I knew that there was the truth was probably just about to come so I flopped down on the black leather couch and waited. He sighed. "Actually, my music's kind of my own personal thing. I mainly do it for myself, but I've kind of just lost it for a while now." He sank onto the couch as well, letting his arm fall against the headrest.

I scooched back a little bit. I didn't feel comfortable being quite so close. He watched me quizzically. "Why do you do that?" he finally asked.

"Do what?"

"Move away from me like I'm poisonous or something. It's weird. First you get all confident and shit and put me in my place like nothing. And the next thing I know, you're flinching everytime I move an inch."

"I don't know," I answered, not looking at him. "It just happens. I only 'get all confident and shit' when you and Mason start arguing over me. It's ridiculous and stupid and I hate it." I took a deep breath. "But, otherwise, I sometimes find it hard to be... I don't know, open and talkative like everyone else."

"Why is that?" His voice was soft and kind, but it made me upset. I felt like he was just using me to get information.

My eyes were hard as I took in the expression that matched his voice. "I don't know why, Edward. But I don't want to talk about this anymore so can we just drop it?"

"Sure. Whatever you want," he said cautiously.

"Thank you," I sighed.

"Okay then, since I'm still trying to get to know you, why don't we start with something easy?" I nodded in assent. He grinned. "What's your favourite colour?"

"It changes, depending on how I feel," I said, answering his smile with my own.

"How are you feeling today then?"

I thought for a moment. "I'm feeling like I like yellow today."

He nodded. "Yellow's nice."

"Yeah. But not that ugly, rotten banana type yellow. Bright yellow, like the sun or a flower."

He chuckled. "Alright, what kind of music do you like?"

"I have more eclectic tastes. I prefer indie music and some semi popular bands over any of the music that's been coming out these days."

"Same. I mean Lady Gaga? Justin Bieber?" He shuddered. "Seriously, how old is that kid? He's either ten years old or a girl. There's no way he could be a teenager. It's not possible. And what the hell is Ke$ha? She doesn't even sing. It's like talking in a screwed up voice," he complained.

I laughed. "Thank you. Finally, someone who gets it. Alice loves all that crap and I can't stand it."

"Come on! Miley Cyrus? She's become so slutty, it's disgusting. Oh, and all those Disney princesses who act and, oh look, isn't it convenient that they sing too? That's horseshit! Plus, all of those god awful singers who think that they can just jump into acting and be great at it? Yuck. And don't even get me started with the Jonas brothers!" By the end of his rant, Edward had me doubled over in laughter.

"Please stop! Please. I can't take anymore!" Tears rolled down my cheeks from laughing so hard.

"Alright, so when's your birthday, Bella?" he asked seriously.

Once I calmed down a bit, I answered. "September thirteenth. How about yours?"

"June twentieth."

We talked a lot more and, after having pizza, I helped Edward clean up the mess we had somehow made. It was odd to learn that we had quite a bit in common. It made me happy in a way, but another part of me still disliked him and hated that we were getting along.

"So," I said, sitting back down, "what's your story?"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you do before coming here? Why did you want to come here? Who is Edward Cullen?" I mimicked his earlier musings.

He hesitated. "Uh, well, I live with my aunt and uncle, Esme and Carlisle with Emmett and Alice. We're from Seattle and when Carlisle heard about this school from a colleague - he's a doctor - he thought it would be a good idea to enroll us. Jasper and Rosalie were sent here too and that's about it." That wasn't it. I knew that much.

"What happened to your parents?" I asked quietly.

"My father was nonexistent in my life and my mother passed away when I was young," he said, very matter-of-factly.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

He shrugged. "I'm over it. Carlisle and Esme are my parents now."

I didn't have anything to say after that. I was still thinking about what Edward had said. I wanted the whole story, but I knew it would be a long time if I ever did actually get it.

"And what's your story?" He knew he was asking the question I didn't want to have to answer.

So, I gave him the explanation I had first given Alice and Rosalie. "My parents got divorced when I was a baby. I've lived off and on with my mom and her new husband, Phil. I lived with my dad too, but he worked a lot because he's a director. We had to move quite a bit because he liked to be wherever his work was. I didn't like it too much." Lie. I wonder if he could tell. "So, when I was fifteen, I moved back to Phoenix with my mom and Phil. I went to school there that year, and my dad moved to Seattle. He said he'd be staying there for a while and wanted me to live with him again." Another lie. He knew something was off. "So, I was supposed to go to school in Seattle this year, but when Charlie heard about River Heights Academy, he wanted me to go. And here I am." I smiled meekly.

"Well, I'm very glad you are here, Isabella."

"Um... Thanks?"

He rolled his. I took out my phone, glancing at the time. "It's late and I have homework." Not to mention I had to call Phil. "I should go."

He stood. "Okay. I'll walk you."

It was darker out so I didn't have to worry about prying eyes while Edward and I walked, keeping up a quiet chatter. When we arrived outside my room, I paused, unsure of what to do. I didn't want to hug him, but I felt like it would be rude if I didn't.

"Thanks for today, Edward. That was surprisingly fun. I didn't think you could be so..." I was at a loss for words.

"Kind? Honest? Not dickish?" he offered.

I laughed. "Yeah, that."

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed my company for once."

"Me too."

"Goodnight, Bella." He leaned down quickly and kissed my cheek, before grinning and starting towards the elevator. I was stunned for a second, then got myself together.

"Edward?" I called after him sweetly.

He turned around. "Yeah?"

My smile was warm. "If you value the option of ever having kids, then I suggest you don't do that again." My voice was still awfully sweet, adding to the threat.

He laughed, but took my warning seriously. "Gotcha."

"Goodnight Edward."

He mimicked my tone. "Goodnight Bella."

I went inside and was ambushed by Alice demanding to know where I was.

"Relax, Alice. I was just with Edward. I'm trying very, very hard to let him show me that he's not all bad," I explained as I sat down on our long, white couch.

She still didn't calm down. "And?" she asked rigidly.

"And everything was fine. He's actually a decent guys, sort of."

She giggled. "Good to know." Then she became more serious. "And thanks for putting up with him. I know how he can be at times. I really appreciate what you've done for me."

I was confused. "What have I done for you?"

"Well, I wasn't expecting to have him around this long."

"I'm still not following."

"Usually after around the first week, Edward kind of drifts away from us. He turns into Snotward, a rude and terrible person who takes everything he was given for granted. He basically ignores us and it really hurts, Bella." She seemed extremely bothered.

"Oh, Alice." I swallowed back my discomfort and leaned in to give her a hug. "I'm sorry." I paused. "But Snotward?"

She snickered. "Yeah, I know. But he hasn't been like that. He's been sitting with us at lunch and talking to me everyday. And I think it's because of you."

I pulled back. "Me? Why? What have I done?"

"I don't know, but whatever it is, he's changing a little bit. It's nothing big, but it means something. I guess he just likes being around you and since you're around us..." She shrugged.

I grimaced. "But why? I'm nothing special."

"To him, I guess you are." I blushed. "Maybe it's because you're untouchable. He's so used to having girls in a second, but you're not like that. Maybe it intrigues him."

"But I'm not some challenge or game."

"I know, Bella. I know, but he wants to be your friend and that makes me so happy. He's never even tried to get to know a girl before. I don't know. Maybe I'm just talking crazy right now, but whatever. I'm super grateful and I'm going to thank you in the perfect way!"

"How?" I asked warily.

"When's your birthday again?" she inquired.

I groaned. I knew where this was going. "September thirteenth."

"Hmm. I think if I really push myself, I'll have enough time. We're going to throw you the greatest party ever!" she jumped up, dancing around excitedly.

"Awww, Alice I-"

"Nope. Not a word, Bella. This is my gift to you and you'd better enjoy it."

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, letting Alice plan and just hoping that she didn't have anything too crazy up her sleeve.

I thought my day with Edward. I had enjoyed it, but there were so many things that I couldn't say. He wasn't ready to tell any of his obvious secrets and I definitely wasn't willing to share any of mine. I probably wouldn't ever be willing. So I had to stop and think about what I was doing. Could we really base our relationship on lies?

* * *

_You're moving too fast for me and I_

_I can't keep up with you_

_Maybe if you slowed down for me I_

_Could see you're only telling lies, lies, lies_

_Breaking us down with your lies, lies, lies_

_When will you learn?_

* * *

**There we go! Thoughts? Just so you all know, Bella won't be falling into Edward's arms right away, because I think that's a bit ridiculous. But the way I've been writing it, there will be enough Edward Bella moments that even though they aren't together at the moment, it will be just as nice. :) **

**A few things:**

**1. For readers of my other fanfic, unfortunately it got deleted, not by me. Even more unfortunately, as i mentioned earlier, my computer is a butthole and won't load any of my backups. My Word documents are stupid and dont open and I didn't have back ups for all the chapters. But don't be discouraged because I am going to repost the story. It will just be modified and quite a bit different. Same storyline, just differently told. And I've learned my lesson. Now I have two backups for each chapter.**

**2. My updates will be a lot quicker as I have found an easier way to finish chapters in record time. This one only took a couple of hours so I'm happy. And if you read 1. then I'm happy to inform you that the first chapter to 'Califorks redone' will be posted tomorrow or Thursday.**

**3. Don't forget to leave a review!**

**~Kara**


	7. Whole

**Enjoy this next chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine... sigh**

* * *

**Song: Hand Grenade - Hedley**

_Baby's got blue eyes and she's wanting to stay_

_But I am running out of time with nothing to say_

_So it's that kinda night when the beers are gone_

_Now I'm all alone, man there's something wrong_

_And this is not the first time and I'm sorry to say_

_But when it comes to pretty girls, I fall apart on the way_

_So it's that kinda night when the beers are gone_

_Now I'm all alone, man there's something wrong_

* * *

Bella POV

"Alice, this insane," I complained, sitting cross-legged on the floor of the giant hall that Alice had booked for my party. "I don't need all this. It's just a birthday."

She dropped the decorations she was putting up and whipped around, staring at me in horror. "_Just_ a birthday? Bella, this is the only day it gets to be all about you. You have to make it count."

I sighed and laid down on the hard floor. Alice and Rosalie had worked their butts off to prepare for this soirée. It was lucky that there was a cancellation a few days ago so that the hall that students and adults can use on campus for various events was free. Otherwise, the party been would've been small. Gasp. Oh, the horror.

"She's still going at it?" I heard a familiar voice ask. Edward watched Alice dance around as she set up more junk. Then he laid down next to me. He frowned. "Well, this isn't that comfortable."

I smiled. "It's preferable to my place where Rosalie is tearing her hair out and chewing everyone's ass off to start doing something."

He raised his eyebrows. "I see."

"They won't even let me help, not that I really want to. But it feels rude to just sit around while everyone's so busy. Apparently, the birthday girl isn't supposed to do any work."

"Happy birthday, by the way."

I rolled my eyes, but smiled at him sincerely. "Thanks. So how come you're not doing anything?"

He grinned. "I'm on break. Don't worry, Alice distributed walkie-talkies to all of us so I won't be slacking off."

"Good. You should get off your lazy ass and start doing something for once."

"Like you should be talking," he laughed, standing up. "See you  
around, Bella."

"Bye."

After about fifteen minutes of me being incredibly busy with nothing, I left Alice to her work, passing by Rosalie who was just coming in to help.

"Have fun!" I called, walking out.

Unsure of what I really wanted to do, I wandered around aimlessly for a while.

"Bella!" I heard someone call and I whipped my head around in the direction of the sound. I was hoping for Jacob, Emmett, Jasper, Mason or even Edward to be calling my name. My face fell when I saw Mike  
Newton running toward me.

Mike was a nice guy, good looking. He had spiky blond hair and blue eyes. He was a bit baby faced, but not much and it added to his looks. He was kind and respectful. The only problem with Mike is that he's  
persistent. He couldn't take a hint and it was pretty annoying.

"Hi, Mike," I said brightly, not wanting to be rude.

"Bella." He was a little out of breath. "I saw you walking and I thought we could talk." Correction. He saw me walking without my little entourage. No one approached me when I was with Edward and Mason. Even Emmett, Jake and Jasper liked to tag along now and then. It was a bit ridiculous.

"Oh. So what's up?" I asked, not really interested in his answer.

"Not much. Hey, I can't wait for your party. Thanks for the invite."

I shrugged. "No problem. As many people as possible."

"So," he purred, "do you have any birthday wishes that you want to come true." I barely stopped myself from gagging when I heard the double meaning.

"Nothing comes to mind at the moment," I said, my voice strained.

"Well, just let me know. See you tonight." He stroked my cheek and walked away.

I had sort of gotten used the idea of being close to people, but I couldn't help the violent shudders that ran through me after being touched by Mike. I walked quickly back home so that I wouldn't have any more unfortunate encounters with the opposite sex.

"There you are!" Alice said, relief clear in her high voice. "We have to start getting you ready!"

My roommates were armed and ready with hair supplies, clothing and makeup.

"Sweet baby Jesus," I breathed, sinking unsteadily into a chair.

Hours filled with pampering, pulling and prodding later, Alice and Rosalie had finally gotten me dressed and Rosalie was touching up my makeup as Alice curled my hair. I was wearing dark skinny jeans with a wide black belt. They had put me in a low-cut white top that had a scribble of words written all over it in black and red. Over top was a dark grey fitted vest. Luckily, I wasn't being forced into heels or anything stupid like that. They were letting me wear my black Converse and I was glad that they were nice enough to let me choose what I put on my feet. I looked good. My whole makeover reminded me of a care free, younger version of myself. A time when I was just as popular as Edward Cullen and every guy wanted to be with me while every girl wanted to be me. I sighed, wishing I could find that girl all over again.

"What's the matter?" Alice asked. "Don't you like it?" Her black eyebrows pulled up in the middle over her round, blue eyes in worry and hurt.

"No Alice. I love it. Thank you so much for all of this," I said smiling at her in the mirror.

"Hold still. I'm almost finished." Rosalie was busy putting some gloss on my lips and when she finished, I thanked her too.

"Anything for our best friend," she said, hugging me tightly. My face turned a light pink. She laughed. "I knew I wouldn't need any blush on you."

Alice curled the last strand of my hair and I looked myself over. Tonight, I would push myself. I wasn't going to pull away anymore.

Alice and Rosalie got ready quickly and we were ready to leave.

"Wow, you guys look amazing," I told them truthfully. Alice was wearing a pair of tight, white jeans along with a light pink tank top that flowed out around her and silver flats. Rosalie wore light wash jeans and a red v-neck top that showed off her beautiful figure. It had specs of gold in it that went with her metallic pumps.

"Thanks. Now let's go!" Alice squealed excitedly as she and Rosalie linked their arms with mine.

Edward, Jasper and Emmett were already there, setting up food and drinks. I was shocked at the transformation from the sparsely decorated hall this morning to a full blown dance-night club type thing. My eyes were wide as I took in every detail.

"Oh, Alice." Tears filled my eyes. They did this all for me. "Rosalie. Thank you. So much." My own mother gave me a card for my last birthday. This was beyond words.

They hugged me tightly and I tried my best to force back tears.

Emmett was next to talk to me. "Happy birthday, Belly bear." he picked me up and spun me around. I let myself laugh and hug him back.

"Thanks, Emmy Poo."

"Aw, shucks." He pinched my cheek before skipping off. I hugged Jasper next, and the girls pulled him away afterwards to finish setting up. But when it came to Edward, I still felt a bit awkward.

"Really? Everyone gets a hug, but poor old me. How very unfair, Isabella." He stood there pouting.

"You're such a jerk," I said, wrapping my arms around him. His arms slipped around me and he held me there.

"But you still love me," he teased.

I smiled into his shirt. "Not exactly. But I'm glad you're around."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah. Despite what happened the first day, you've still been one of the kindest, sweetest people I've met since coming here. And I'm so grateful for that."

...

Edward POV

Bella Swan thinks I'm kind. And sweet. She's grateful for having me around.

I didn't think I could feel any better than I did at the moment, my arms wrapped around Bella in a way I didn't think would ever be possible. But her compliments and the intimacy of the moment was just perfect.

"Bella!" I heard my squeaky little cousin call. "We need you at the door!"

"I guess I have to go..." Bella let go of me and I reluctantly let my arms slide away.

"Fine." I was probably being too whiny, but I didn't care.

Bella was quiet for a moment, as if deciding something. Then, she quickly lifted herself up on her toes and let her lips touch my cheek for a second. I stared at her in shock and she just smirked before skipping off to meet Alice.

I watched her walk away and held my hand against where she had kissed my cheek. She was so fucking cute, skipping over to her friends and swinging her arms around happily.

"Ogling Bella again, Edward?" Jasper's voice snapped me out of my trance.

"You look like a goober when you stare at her like that," Emmett said, laughing.

"Shut up." I left them standing there laughing and went to go find something that would keep my mind off Bella.

Soon enough, people began to fill the place and I was distracted enough talking and mingling.

I saw Mason come in and he started toward me, but his eyes were trained on Bella across the room, standing there laughing with a group of people. When he faced me, his eyes were wide.

"Holy shit."

I nodded. "Fucking hot, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"And it's still my turn," I told him.

He smirked. "You sure about that there, Cullen?"

"Oh, definitely."

It got later and people were starting to get into the party. Some were starting to dance and I watched, smiling, as Alice tried to convince Bella to join them on the dance floor. She gave in eventually and let Alice tow her to the middle of the room.

"Edward Cullen." I turned to the sound of my name and Tanya Denali stood there, batting her lashes furiously at me. Her smile was inviting and warm. Her long strawberry blond hair hung in waves around her, framing her face.

I smiled at her. "Well, hello Tanya." I moved in, making the distance between us smaller.

"Great party, right?" Ever so gently, she let her finger move up and down my chest playing with one of the buttons on my shirt. She looked up at me through her long, blonde lashes.

"Yeah, it's fantastic." I rested my hand gently on her side, making circles with my thumb.

She put both her hands against my chest, leaning in. "So what's the deal with you and that Swan girl. I mean, she seems nice, but I didn't know she was really your type," she said honestly. It wasn't in a rude way, she was mostly just curious.

"We're just friends," I told her. Even if I wanted that to change, Bella didn't.

She considered this for a moment. "Oh, well I've been looking for a friend as well," she said seductively. I raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"What a coincidence. I'm always in need of a new friend. Do you know anyone who might be up for the task?" I winked at her.

She giggled. "I'll be sure to let you know."

...

Bella POV

For some reason I had let Alice convince me to dance and I was actually glad she did. I let myself move to the beat, natural and fun. We laughed as different people showed off their moves. Emmett presented some of his own, too, but what he was doing, you couldn't really call it dancing. I danced with Jacob for a bit and then he went to get some refreshments. By the way some people were acting, I assumed someone had spiked the punch and was glad that I didn't have any in he first place.

I kept swaying and moving to the music until I felt a clammy hand touch my bare arm. Mike stood there smiling at me.

"Nice moves, Bella."

I smiled hesitantly. "Thanks."

"Wanna dance?"

"Umm, actually I was just going to get something to drink," I lied. Anything to get his hand off of me.

"Come on, Bella. Just one dance." He wrapped his hand around my arm and pulled me closer to his body.

"Really, Mike. I don't want to." My voice was getting weak and I could feel my breathing becoming rapid.

"Don't be silly, hun. Don't think about it. Just dance." He started moving his body against mine. I faced away from him, still as stone, my hands in tight fists. He didn't stop. His hands were on my shoulders, holding me there, pulling me closer when I tried to move.

"Please. Stop." My voice was quivering and I was on the verge of tears. In all of the chaos around us, no one noticed me and my unwelcome dance partner.

"Loosen up a little." He began rubbing my shoulders. "This is supposed to be fun, Bella." His hands slid from my shoulder to around my waist where they rested on my stomach. As he kept dancing against me, his  
hands began to move down...

I forced my hands out of the fists and locked them around Mike's wrists. "Stop it, Mike. Now." My voice wasn't any stronger, but my grip on him seemed to get the message across. I spun around to face him, still fighting tears.

He still grinned at me. It took all I had not to gag. "Have a little fun, Bella. This is your birthday!"

"She told you to stop, Newton." A smooth, murderously angry voice made us both turn. Edward stood there, with a look so full of hatred that I was shocked and even frightened. "When a girl says no, she means no, you fucking pervert!"

Mike glared back. "Maybe I couldn't hear her. If she doesn't speak then how am I supposed to know what she wants?"

"Bullshit! She wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole! Is that what you do? Take advantage of girls and claim they didn't refuse. You're a sick fucking bastard."

Mike was about to say something, but Emmett, Jasper, Mason and Jacob came up behind Edward, flanking him, daring Mike to say one more word.

"Here's what's gonna happen," Edward continued. "You are going to leave. Now. Never again will you touch this girl without her permission. You will not even speak to her without her consent. If you think I'm kidding, then go ahead. Pull this again. And see what happens."

Everything was quiet as Mike departed. Every person had been a witness to the tense stand off.

I tentatively looked back at Edward, afraid to see that horrid anger in his eyes. But his expression was soft, gentle. He watched me, concerned.

I took a shaky step forward. He quickly closed the distance between us and wrapped me in his arms, holding me tightly to his chest. His face was in my hair and I freed the sobs that threatened to choke me.  
People actually started clapping and I couldn't help the laugh that made it's way out of me.

I looked up at him. "My hero."

The party continued and Edward took me to an empty corridor that lead to the bathrooms.

"You okay?" He was so worried about me and I was truly touched.

"Yeah." I let a shudder run through me. "For a second, I thought I would either pass out or throw up on Mike."

"I would've liked to have seen that." His eyes were hard.

I put my hand gently on his arm. "I'm fine, Edward. Let's just forget about it and enjoy the rest of the party."

He sighed. "Fine."

Rosalie and Alice were upset when I came back out, but I assured them I was alright and they could still enjoy the party.

"Let's just have fun," I said. "It's my birthday, after all."

We danced, we sang, we laughed. It was one of the most amazing nights of my life. To know that someone cared this much, that they'd put all this together for me, it was unreal.

There's usually a time where everyone has to be in their dorm, but somehow, my friends had pulled some strings and made the authorities overlook that rule for one night. So at around 2:30 in the morning, people were stumbling back to their places. Luckily, it was a Saturday so we had time to recover before school again.

As the place emptied, the mess that was left became much more obvious. I gaped.

"Uhhh." Alice was just as shocked as I was. "We can take care of this tomorrow..."

Jacob laughed. "Have fun with that, Alice. Well, I'm off." He gave me a one-armed hug. "Happy birthday, Tiny."

"Thanks Jake." He gave a small wave to everybody before leaving. Mason left just after him, hugging me as well.

"Can we have a sleepover?" Emmett asked suddenly. All of us gave him a strange look. "Just an idea."

"Em, you know girls can't sleep in the guys' dorms. We can't stay at their place either," Jasper reminded him patiently.

"Yeah, well no one has to know."

"Actually, can we?" I asked. I was in the mood for more fun, too keyed up to sleep.

"You really want to?" Jasper seemed doubtful.

"Yes, I really want to. I've got a lot of energy right now."

Emmett jumped up and down, squealing happily.

Rosalie rolled her eyes at her boyfriend. "Alice is rubbing off on you too much."

"Aww, baby, you know I'm still manly." He threw an arm around her waist and planted a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Rose, just wait until you see his new pink bunny slippers," Edward said.

I giggled and pushed Edward gently. As we walked to the boys' dorm, he stared at me with an unfathomable expression.

"What?" I asked.

"Look at you. Confident, happy, laughing. You've never been so free before." He smiled and I felt my face heat up. We fell back a bit so no one would hear.

"Yeah, well, all of you doing this for me, it's so incredible. I've never felt so good."

He cocked his head to the side. "Not even at home?"

"No... But let's not talk about that now." I had gotten a call from my father today, wishing me a happy birthday, but nothing from my mother.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

I just shrugged and we caught up with the rest of the group.

"I have sleeping bags!" Emmett yelled as he came out in his bunny slippers, holding the rolled up bundles.

"No beds?" Rose whined. Emmett shook his head, grinning.

"Birthday gets the couch," I called, flopping down on the giant sofa.

"Technically, it's not your birthday anymore, Bells," Edward said, sitting next to me. "So..." He pushed me and I fell onto the floor. I stared at him, disbelieving.

"Edward Cullen, you will regret that decision," I said darkly, smacking him wih a pillow. He raised his eyebrows at me before lifting up a pillow of his own. Before he had the chance to hit me, Emmett popped up behind the couch and hit him in the side of the head with a cushion of his own.

"Pillow fight!"

I couldn't hold in the laughter that shook through me as it turned into a full-out brawl with pillows. Once it ended, the place was a mess and everyone was bursting into random fits of laughter.

Finally, once we calmed ourselves, I checked the time. It was 4:15.

"Maybe we should try to get some sleep now," I suggested. I don't understand why, but that brought on another round of laughter.

Edward lent me an old shirt and a pair shorts to wear to bed. It was a little weird to be wearing his clothes, but I was thankful that I wouldn't be sleeping in skinny jeans.

We crawled into our sleeping bags scattered around the room and sleep came quickly.

A sharp rapping at the door made me start awake. Too early. Edward was roused as well, but no one else got up and he didn't seem to notice me. He opened the door and I peeked up to see Mason standing there, not even attempting a friendly face.

"Hey," Edward said, rubbing his eyes. "What's up?"

"I just wanted to speak to you about something." Mason's voice was cold.

"Okay. Go ahead."

"I want you to know that you're screwing things up already."

Edward was taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"With Bella. I saw you chatting up Tanya last night. You barely noticed Bella. Only when it was your chance to swoop in and save the day, did you even speak to her."

My ears perked up at this new information. Interesting. I didn't really care about another girl in Edward's life, but apparently Mason did. It didn't lessen my gratitude for what Edward did, either, but it seemed he had another motive for doing it.

"I don't think what I do is any of your business." Edward's tone wasn't kind either.

Mason sighed. "Look, I know you've been trying to get close to Bella. If you really care about her, then go for it. Be what she needs. But you can't be trying to get your 'line up' ready for the year at the  
same time. It doesn't work like that. It's either all those girls or her."

Edward ran a hand through his unruly hair. "What do you want from me then, Mason?"

"I want you to think about what you're doing this time. Because Bella Swan is actually worth it."

The conversation ended then and I rolled over and closed my eyes, hoping Edward didn't see me watching. He didn't.

I contemplated what I had just heard. I thought Edward had given up on the idea of us being a couple. I frowned. I would have to be more careful about what I said and did. If he only did all that just to make me like him, then I really didn't know what to think. I wasn't going to be another one of his girls for when he's bored.

I let myself drift back to sleep, worrying over my situation with Edward.

When I woke up again, everyone was slowly getting up too.

"That was insane," Alice moaned, rubbing her eyes.

"And we still have a huge mess to clean up," I reminded her.

"Aw shit." Jasper threw himself back down and pulled up his sleeping bag.

Alice kissed his cheek. "Come on. It'll be over before you know it." He threw her a look that said, 'yeah right'.

I got up and went into the pocket of my jeans, pulling out my phone. I noted the time - early afternoon - and found that I had a new voicemail. I held the phone to my ear, listening for my message. Instead, I was rewarded with the voices of my family in Phoenix singing me 'Happy Birthday'. Ashley, Katie, Anthony, Phil and even Renée sang, their voices full of life and love.

"Happy birthday, Momma!" Anthony's little voice called out at the end. I small sound escaped from my throat, somewhere between a sob and a sigh of happiness.

I shook my head slowly as I put my phone down, a small smile playing on the edges of my lips.

Even when I was worry-free and innocent, I had never been as happy as I was right now. I had the love and support of my family, my friends. A group of people who would never let me fall. No matter what their real intentions were, I knew now that I could trust these people. They would never hurt me purposely.

And with their help, I might just be whole again.

* * *

_But if it's going to be this way, here I come to save the day_

_And while I'm at it, throw a hand grenade_

_On everything good around_

_Here to stay_

_To make a mess of all the plans we made_

_And everything good around here_

_And if you wanna see me, see me out the door, girl_

_I need you to believe me_

_'Cause I don't wanna hurt you_

_And if you really need me_

_I'm only gonna let you down_

* * *

**A/N: Wow, I'm getting pretty quick with these updates.**

**Nothing really to say except REVEIEW!**

**~Kara**


	8. Baggage Claim

****

**Boy, it's been awhile... Well, that's life for you! Read on my lovelies!**

* * *

Song: Broken - Lifehouse

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight_

_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time_

_And I am here still waiting, though I still have my doubts_

_I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart tha's still beating_

_In the pain there is healing_

_In your name, I find meaning_

**

* * *

**

**Bella POV**

Basketball. Throwing a ball into a hoop. Simple game, simple rules. Well, simple when you don't have a bunch of whiny drama queens on your team.

"Jeez, Swan! What do you expect me to do with this?" Lauren Mallory screeched after I passed her the ball in gym class.

"Hmm. I don't know, Lauren. But instead of complaining to me, you could actually turn around and attempt to throw the ball into the hoop. Because that's how you play the game." I made sure to say the words slow so she could understand.

"Don't push me, Swan. I'm literally this close to shoving my foot up your a-"

"Hey, hey, hey!" Tanya Denali interjected just before Lauren could finish. "Let's not get too riled up here. It's just a game, you guys. No need for a fight." She stepped back, shooting me a smile and patting my arm before returning to her position on the court.

After my party, I had gotten to know Tanya a little. Not enough to call her a friend, but we did talk in gym a bit. I wasn't completely sure why we were getting to know each other. She was tall, blonde, and beautiful and I... Well I wasn't. It didn't really make sense that someone as perfect as her would want to have anything to do with me, but wasn't that the case with almost all my friends?

Maybe it was Edward. I knew she liked him and she knew that he and I were friends. Maybe she just wanted to get closer to him through me. Either way, I didn't care. We weren't really friends and people had used me in the past so why was now so different?

"Okay!" Coach Clapp called. "We're done for today. Nice work gentlemen. Ladies, you could try a little harder." I sighed and headed for the change room.

"Bella!" I turned around to see Edward, Jacob, Mason, Emmett and Jasper walking in, Mason with a basketball under his arm. I smiled and started towards them.

"Hey guys."

"We saw you playing out there," Jasper said smoothly.

"And bitching at Lauren Mallory," Emmett added with a laugh.

"But you're not half bad at the game, Tiny." Jacob grinned.

"And there are only five of us," Mason joined in.

"So we could use an extra player," Edward finished.

"You in?" they all asked at once.

I stared at them. "...Did you guys practice that or something? 'Cause that was really weird..."

Edward chuckled and grabbed my arm, dragging be back onto the court. "Just come play."

People who had been on their way out of the gym, stopped and went back to take a seat on the bleachers. I blushed and kept my head down.

For our first game, I was teamed up with Mason and Edward. I was excited to be able to run and sweat again, two things that didn't happen in the girls' games.

Jasper, Emmett and Jake started with the ball. Edward stole it away swiftly and scored our first point. I had to admit, I was impressed.

I tried to include myself in the game as much as possible, but Edward and Mason had a way of playing together that couldn't be changed. The way they worked together and almost knew what the other was going to do without having to use words was really something else. I had to push myself to keep up, but I thought I did a pretty decent job. Needless to say, though, I was red and out of breath by the time we scored our 30th point. The other team decided to stop there.

"Jesus, Swan," Emmett said, leaning forward with his hands on his knees. "You're better than I thought."

"I didn't really do much," I mumbled. Then I spoke up. "Team switch. Me, Mason and Jacob against you three."

Edward grinned crookedly. "Prepare to lose, Swan."

"We'll see," I said slyly before taking my position on the court.

People in the bleachers were talking and probably about me. What would they think of me? Whore for trying to get all the guys? Tomboy?

As soon as I really got into the game, though, I forgot about the audience around us. As it turned out, Edward was just as good without Mason on his team which was frustrating. He was fast and had great control of the ball. It seemed as though there was no chance for our team. Their score just climbed and climbed.

We got the ball after Jasper scored another point. Mason brought the ball up while Jacob and I moved ahead. Jasper and Edward switched places and Edward was covering me in an instant. Emmett was over on Jacob while Jasper moved down on Mason. The ball shot out from Mason's hands toward me and I caught it, pivoting around to face Edward.

I dribbled the ball slowly, trying to find a way around him. I looked around nervously. Mason and Jake were completely covered.

Edward smiled. "Sucks for you right now, doesn't it? I told you you'd lose."

"You're right. And I said we'll see." I smirked at him as I saw my opportunity. I quickly bounced the ball between his legs and ducked around his arm, regaining the ball on his other side.

He stood there stunned as I did a lay-up and got it in the basket. I spun around and grinned. "What was that you were saying, Edward?"

All of the boys stood there, their mouths gaping and their eyes wide. The blush that filled my face was probably less noticeable as I was sure my face was already red.

"...The fuck?" Emmett's voice went up as he cursed and I giggled. Behind me, I could hear cheering and hollering. I smiled in satisfaction as I threw the ball into Edward's hands and skipped back on the court.

I guess Edward's team was more than just a little surprised because the next thing I knew, Jacob, Mason and I were flying ahead, scoring point after point. And within the next seven minutes, Mason, Jacob and I had won the game. Emmett cursed, Jasper frowned and his shoulders slumped and Edward just stood there, staring at nothing.

"What's his problem?" I asked Mason, jabbing my thumb at Edward.

Mason laughed. "Don't mind him. He's just getting over the shock of it all." He walked off chuckling to himself.

I bounced over to Edward, feeling surprisingly light and happy. "Great game, huh?" I said, a goofy smile on my face.

"I've never lost before."

"Well, I guess Edward Cullen, the basketball star isn't as good as he once thought." I beamed at him before going over to Tanya and Angela Weber, another sweet girl who I'd been getting to know, who were waving me over.

"Bella, you were amazing!" Tanya gushed.

"Yeah, really great job out there," Angela added.

"Thanks," I said shyly. "You guys didn't have to stay."

"We wanted to. Watching Edward Cullen get beat in basketball was hilarious," Angela laughed as Tanya nodded in agreement.

"Well, then I'm glad you stayed. I'll see you around."

They just nodded and waved as I left in a fantastic mood. As I left the school, I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and gasped, spinning around. I was met with a pair of soft, grey eyes and a warm smile.

"Mason," I breathed shakily. "You scared the shit out of me!" I smacked his arm.

"Sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean to. I just wanted to catch you before you got too far."

"Okay, you caught me. What do you need?"

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight." He looked down at me hopefully.

"Aw, I don't know, Mas. I have to go home and shower and then I have to-"

He put his hand over my mouth, stopping the flow of excuses. "Hey, hey, hey. Remember you already promised to spend a day with me. You cancelled on me the last time so you gotta make it up now."

I sighed and removed his hand from my face. "Fine. But I am going home to shower first."

"Okay. Me too. But I'll be knocking on your door in twenty minutes so you better hurry." He spun me around pushed me gently toward my dorm. I jogged there and threw my door open.

"Wow, what's with you?" Alice asked as I walked past her and Rose on the couch and went straight to my room.

"Can't talk. Must shower," I said robotically, going through my things to find something clean to wear. I opted for a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, knowing that we wouldn't be doing anything fancy.

"Where were you?" Rosalie demanded, storming into my room. "We were worried."

I brushed past her and started toward the bathroom. "Sorry Mom. I was playing basketball against the boys. And now I'm going to be going back out very soon so if you'll excuse me..." I was already in the bathroom and turned to close the door. Her hand shot out and stopped me and I saw Alice's small figure peeking over Rosalie's shoulder.

"Going out? With who? And in those?" She looked at my sweat pants in horror.

"Mason. And yes in these. Now if you would just let me-"

"Mason Alden?" Alice squeaked.

"Why Bella? Why would you be going out with him? He's as bad as Edward!" Rose complained. Alice shot her a glare that Rose didn't see.

"First of all, Mason is not as bad as Edward. Second of all, Edward is getting better now. And thirdly, we are going as friends. I hung out with Edward and it really helped our relationship," I pointed out.

"Well, I think it's a good idea," Alice piped up.

I smiled at her. "Thank you, Ali. And as much as I'd like to stand here and wallow in my own filth, I really feel like a shower is in order." I closed the door on Rosalie's shocked face and could hear an argument brewing between them already. I rolled my eyes and hopped into the shower, letting the warm water relax my over-worked muscles.

Finally, I realized that Mason would be at my door at any minute and got out. I quickly dried off and threw on the outfit I had picked out. I pulled a brush through my wet hair and let it hang to dry.

When I stepped into the front room, I was met with three pairs of eyes looking back at me. Mason lounged comfortably on one of our chairs as if he had been there a million times.

"You ready?" he asked, standing up. His brown hair was damp from a recent shower and he had thrown on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a leather jacket over top. Just like Edward, I had to admit that even in his casual clothing, Mason looked good.

I nodded.

"You kids have fun!" Alice called after us. "And be safe!"

Mason and I walked quietly down the hall. It was awkward. Very awkward.

"So," he began, his voice breaking. I snickered. "So, uh," he tried again, making his voice deeper than usual, "where to?"

"Lounge?" I suggested.

"Sure."

I waved him forward. "Lead the way."

Mason took me downstairs to the lounge. But instead of sitting on a couch or in a booth, he walked up to the counter and gave the girl working there a pointed look. She nodded at him cautiously and glanced at me, raising one eyebrow as if asking a silent question. Mason nodded this time and I rolled my eyes at the ridiculous exchange. The girl stepped out from behind the counter and took us to a door far in the back of the lounge where no one else seemed to be. She opened the door and inside was a medium sized room complete with couches, TV's, guitars and an electric piano lining the far wall and a large collection of CD's. There was also mini fridge in the corner and my eyes widened at the modern and stylish room.

Mason grinned at me. "So, you like?"

"It's amazing. Why doesn't everybody spend their time in here?"

"It's sort of an exclusive thing," he confessed.

"Ah. I should have known RHA would have a VIP list."

"Hey," he said as he sat down and patted the empty space next to him. I joined him. "We're not that snooty. Me and the guys found this room that's been here we've since the school was built. It was practically empty and looked like no one had touched it or cleaned it in years." He looked around the place with a faraway look in his eyes. "So we cleaned it, painted it, decked it out and now it's basically our hang out place."

"So you just game it in the exclusive room all day?"

"It's called 'The Hole' by the way and it's more like a getaway space. Cullen likes to write his music in here and junk." He shrugged.

My eyes shot up to his face. "Edward writes music?"

Mason chuckled. "I thought you two were friends. You sure don't know a lot about him."

"Well, I guess he sort of mentioned it but I never really thought about it, you know? Come on, Edward writing music? That just seems crazy," I laughed.

Mason didn't even crack a smile. His usually soft, grey eyes were piercing, searching for some sort of answer. "Yeah, Cullen's sort of a private guy. He doesn't share a lot of things. He's got issues, ya know?"

I nodded. "I kind of guessed as much. So what's up with him?"

"Hey, come on Bells, he's my best friend. I'm not gonna share that kind of information with you just because I like you." He winked at me and I blushed. Then the smile fell from his face. "But he's got issues." That searching gaze came back again. "Kind of like you do."

I looked down into my lap and I could feel the heat quickly rise to my face. "Wow, Mason. You sure know how to charm a girl."

"I can see it, Bella. I know how damaged you are. There's something you're hiding."

Tears welled in my eyes. How could he say such things, even if he was right? "I don't know what you're talking about."

I don't know how long we both stayed quiet as the tears fell into my lap.

"When I was twelve," he began then stopped suddenly. I peeked up at him and saw as he struggled to keep his breathing steady. "When I was twelve, my brother killed himself."

I gave him my full attention then, wiping the tears from my face. "What? Mason I'm so sorry."

He laughed bitterly. "Yeah everyone is... He was my hero, Bella. I looked up to him and every day I thought there couldn't be a cooler guy in the world. I didn't know what he was going through. I didn't know how much people tortured and tormented him every day. He never talked about it. He only showed me his best. And I never thought to ask." He cut off abruptly again. I reached out and grabbed his hand and held it firmly in my own.

"It's not your fault. How were you supposed to know?"

"I wasn't but that doesn't mean I don't feel guilty as hell every time I think about him. He had such great plans for himself. I wanted to be like him so badly. I remember writing a paper about who our idol was and why. I wrote about him and got an A. I ran home that day to show him and tell him all about it. I found him unconscious on the bathroom floor. And I knew, I just knew before I even took my first step toward him, that he was gone."

I knew it was awful to ask but I couldn't help it. "How... How did he..."

Mason knew what I was getting at. "He overdosed on heroin. None of us knew he was even using. Maybe he wasn't and had just used it that one time. Either way, his body couldn't handle it."

"I'm so s-"

"You mentioned that." He smiled slightly and I could see the light of his old self back in his eyes.

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"And that's my baggage, Miss Swan. This is why you belong in our group so what's yours?"

"What do you mean, 'this is why you belong in our group?'"

He sighed before explaining. "When I came here, I had major baggage. It was hard for me because I didn't ever get over the shit with my brother. I just carried it with me all bottled up. It felt like I was the only one going through any pain and I felt so messed up and out of place. And it was hard.

And then I met Edward. And I was like, 'hey, this guy's as fucked up as me!' Even if they hide it really well, when you're around someone who's like that, you can kinda just tell, ya know? And we became friends. And that's how it is with our whole group. People see us as the popular, pretty people of River Heights Academy, but that's not really it. We're just a bunch of kids who needed someone to relate to. We needed to feel like we're not the only ones in a shitty situation. And the rest just kind of happened. When you actually know the story behind our group, it's pretty dark. But as fucked up as it seems, it works for us." He shrugged.

My lips turned up at the corners. "You just said his name."

"What?"

"Edward. You just said his name. You always call him Cullen."

He sat back dramatically. "So after talking to you for a hell of a long time about all this, all you can take from it is that I said Edward once? And I have said his first name before. Cheesus, Bella!"

"I'm sorry. It's great, what you all have. But how do you trust each other that much? How do you know they're not gonna say anything to anyone?"

"You just have to put your faith in a stranger sometimes. I mean, we're all in the same boat anyway so why would we tell anyone? It would be stupid. We just talk and work through it together. And that's where you fit into this story. What's holding you back? What's making you feel... bad?" He was dead serious and I couldn't utter a single word. My mouth was dry, my neck was clammy.

He squeezed the hand that held mine on the seat, encouraging me to talk.

"I was like every other baggage-less girl in this school. Shallow, pretentious and happy. My parents were divorced but hey, what did I care? Two houses, two Christmases, two birthdays. Yeah, I was that bad," I admitted when his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "So everything was great... until my aunt and uncle got into a car accident. They were killed and had three kids waiting at home for them."

And I told him my whole story, internally cringing at what he might do with the information I was giving him. But he had shared probably the worst time in his life with me so I would have to do the same.

"That sucks," was all he could say after I'd finished.

"I know."

"Don't worry though. We've heard worse, I think." I liked the way he said we. It was like a family with these people.

"Edward?" I guessed. He nodded. "I thought so… And you're not going to tell me what's up with him."

"No. I'm not. It's not fair for anybody to be sharing things that aren't yours to share, even within the group. We base all of our relationships on trust. If anyone breaks that, who knows what might happen. And with Edward, it's terrible. Even someone you hate, someone who is just a completely awful person doesn't deserve to go through what he's gone through. It's difficult for him and he'll tell you when he's ready, Bells."

I thought about that for a minute. "All right. Thanks for tonight, though Mason. You don't know how much it means to me." As I stood up, I didn't release his hand and we left The Hole together that way.

Mason led me to the counter again where the same girl he had spoken to earlier was working. "Kate," he called her over. "Kate, this is Bella Swan. I want you to know that she is to be allowed in The Hole whenever she likes. Alert the staff." He grinned and winked at me.

Kate noted our intertwined fingers and shot me an extremely fake smile. "Of course. Nice to meet you, Bella."

I tried to pull away as Mason walked me to my dorm, but he wouldn't let me. "Don't. You need this just as much as I do right now." And it was true. I stopped resisting and walked with him quietly, my hand in his. Barely anyone was around to notice anyway.

"Have a good night, Bella. I'm glad you finally let me in."

"Me too."

He gave me a one-armed hug and walked off, leaving me standing just outside my door. I watched him as he rounded the corner and disappeared.

At the moment, I was confused, tired, worn out and a little scared. What had I gotten myself into here? Was this group of people that I wanted to call my friends, just here to burden me with everything they have? And expect me to do the same? It frightened me and made me nervous, but deep down, I was relaxed and maybe even happy. Someone finally got it. They knew me inside and out because they were dealing with something that was destroying them inside too. But they were healing together and they were learning together and enjoying life again together. And maybe, someday soon, I could do the same. The thought made me feel warmth inside and a small smile lit my face. I leaned against the door and thought about everything that had happened in the past two months here.

Then, I turned and unlocked the door. I opened it slowly and stepped inside. Jasper, Alice, Rosalie and Emmett all sat on our couches, their faces turning toward me as I walked in.

I stopped and smiled at them.

I took a deep breath.

"So, what's your baggage?"

* * *

_I'm hanging on another day_

_Just to see what you will throw my way_

_And I'm hanging on to the words you say_

_You said that I would, would be okay_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

_In the pain, there is healing. In your name, I find meaning_

_So I'm holding on, I'm holding on_

_I'm holding on_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

A/N: So that's that. And in case you're wondering there probably won't be any romance between Mason and Bella. This IS and E/B fanfic but we'll see how everything goes...

Well, for once there's not much to say except follow me on twitter: shouldbekara

Please review for faster updates! and if you're new to Fragile, go back and review on earlier chapters. I don't mind!

~Kara


	9. Ben and Jerry

**Hey... yeah I know how long it's been. Things have been pretty tough on me lately, though. I lost two people very close to me and I really haven't been able to write with everything going on and life getting in the way. I didn't actually think I'd be able to update right now because I'm in New York at the moment, but this is how much I love my readers! **

**I won't bore you any more. Read on!**

**Song: Coldplay - Fix You**

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse? _

Bella POV

When you're feeling really low, there's nothing better than a tub of your favourite Ben & Jerry's and a few friends to cheer you up.

But when your friends are just as down as you are, you need about 20 tubs of Ben & Jerry's, especially when one of your friends is Emmett Cullen.

"Thanks, Bella," Rose said sarcastically as she looked sadly into her almost empty container of ice cream. "And I was having such a nice night, too."

"Yeah Bella, way to bum us out," Jasper complained. Alice curled into Jasper's side to comfort him.

I sighed as I pushed around my ice cream with a spoon. "Sorry. I was just... I don't know. I just needed to talk."

"Don't be sorry, Bella," Alice said softly. "Don't be sorry for needing your friends."

The night had been extremely eye opening for me. I had learned things about my friends, things that gave me a new appreciation for the life I had, even if it wasn't easy.

_"So, what's your baggage?"_

Those four little words I had uttered after Mason left had turned into long stories of tears, laughter and everything in between.

Rosalie had begun, trying to stay strong and not tear up, but in the end her emotions won out and tears rolled silently down her cheeks as she spoke. Rosalie, who was so put together, who seemed like the world had given her everything, had a terrible secret. As a child, Rosalie had been sexually abused constantly by a close family friend. Finally, she told her parents, but it was too late; the damage had been done.

"It took a long time before Emmett and I could be together. I wouldn't even let him touch me," she'd admitted to me. "But he waited." She looked at him lovingly. "And that meant the world to me."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I barely had time to compose myself before Jasper had started telling me about his relationship with drugs, his horrid life on the streets while his parents sat in their huge house, with their shiny cars, not even caring when he was gone for days at a time.

"I was just a kid and I had no one. And I did some pretty bad stuff. Like really bad. After being caught by the police a few times, I was forced into youth help groups and rehabilitation, but right after I got out, I was back into the same shit. It's amazing that I wasn't taken from my parents," Jasper had said, a wondering look in his eyes.

"What changed?" I'd asked, my voice barely a whisper.

"Well, like I said, I was in and out of these centers like crazy. I didn't ever plan on changing. I was like that for years. Nobody gave a shit about me, so what was the point in trying to be better?" He said, staring at me intently. "Then, as I got older, my relationship with Alice started to change. We became closer and I thought, 'hey, this person might actually care if I overdose in an alley and die.' I had to change, for Ali especially. I knew she had gone through some rough stuff and I needed to be strong and sober standing by her."

"It's nice that you got that happy ending." I said with a small smile.

"Well, my parents only pretend to care when there are people around. I probably won't even get so much as a call from either of them for the year, but what the hell! As long as I have you guys, I'm okay." He threw his arm around Alice's shoulder with a quivering smile. No matter how nonchalant he acted, I knew this had been hard for him.

"And I guess that leaves us," Alice had muttered, looking down at her feet.

"Hey, you don't have to-"

"It's okay, Bells," Emmett said. "We will."

And they told me about a "loving" relative who would come over and spend time with a young Alice and Emmett. They idolized him, thinking he was the coolest person to walk this planet.

That was, until the beating started.

They would often sleep over at his house and that kind, cool relative turned into a relentless, cursing, abusive monster.

"He said if we told anyone, he'd kill us," Emmett explained quietly.

"But we were dying inside already, having to take the abuse and hide the bruises from our own parents," Alice whispered, a sadness in her eyes.

"Then, for no reason at all, when we were staying over, he set the house on fire," Emmett continued. "We both got burned pretty bad and were in the hospital for a while. But then finally our parents knew and we didn't have to deal with him anymore. In a sick way, I'm kind of glad it happened."

I was trying to think of something to say when Alice jumped in again. "But then we also had to deal with a whole new nightmare Edward had to live through. But he's probably had it the worst."

I'd forgotten that Edward was also a part of their family and wondered how difficult all this must have been for him.

"I had no idea... I'm so sorry..." I didn't know what to say. I slumped back into my seat, defeated and empty.

It was silent for a long time.

Eventually, Alice got up and went to our freezer. She opened it and took as many tubs of ice cream as her small arms could handle. She passed them out without a word as I wondered where we had gotten it all.

"For times such as these," she'd finally said, tossing me a spoon.

And here we were, eating ice cream and moping. It made me feel even more depressed knowing that I was the odd one out here, the fifth wheel. Not that I was looking for a relationship right now, but I didn't enjoy the fact that I was alone being shoved in my face.

"Where's Edward tonight?" I asked suddenly.

Emmett smirked. "Building up the balls to ask you to the Snow Ball."

The four of them chuckled and immediately, the dark mood that surrounded our group was lifted.

"Shut up. He is not!" I exclaimed, blushing a little.

The Winter Snow Ball was one of River Heights Academy's most important dances. A formal event that, to me, just seemed like a way to show whose daddy had the most money by buying ridiculously expensive dresses; but apparently, it was a fun night and one of the most talked about of the year.

"Aww, Bella, stop kidding yourself," Jasper laughed. "He's probably in our dorm preparing a speech."

"You guys!" I whined childishly. "And it doesn't matter anyway. I'm not going."

All the laughter stopped then.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Rosalie said, slightly taken aback, "Of course you're going."

"Everybody goes," Alice told me. "It's the most important night of the year!"

"Well it's not that important to me." I shrugged.

"You're going," Rosalie stated firmly.

"No I'm n-"

"You're going." Alice cut me off.

"Oh man, they've got that look in their eyes." Emmett turned to me. "Bella, I hate to tell you this, but you're going."

"And we are going shopping this weekend for dresses and it'll be great. No complaining or else." Alice glared to get the point across.

"You're so unfair." I got up and stomped to my room.

"How mature!" Rosalie called after me as I slammed the door.

I threw myself on the bed and rubbed my face with my hands. The evening had been draining and school would be hell tomorrow. I got up and changed into my pajamas and slipped out into the hall to the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth and washing my face. As I went back to my room, I heard Emmett and Jasper saying goodbye to the girls.

When I got back to my room, my phone was on my nightstand, buzzing away. I picked it up to see a text from an unfamiliar number.

**Still can't believe you beat me in basketball.**

I smiled. It was Edward. I quickly typed a response.

**It was just too easy... How did you get my number?  
**  
His response was fast.

**Alice of course :p**

I sighed. She would do that, wouldn't she?

**Of course.**

**Yup. How was your evening with Mason, by the way?  
**  
**It was interesting to say the least. Why? Jealous?**

Smirking, I hit send. His reply was slower this time.

**Of course not. Edward Cullen does not get jealous.**

I decided to play with him a little bit.

**Suuure. We did have a great time, though. I think I might really like him 3**

I waited ten minutes for a response.

**...I'm not sure I approve...  
**  
I laughed and typed another message.

**I'm kidding, Edward. Mason's a nice guy, but just not my type.**

**Oh, well then who is your type, Miss Swan?**

Yikes. Needed to steer clear of that topic.

**Sorry. I think I'm just too tired to get into this conversation  
now...**

**Hmm... Well I guess I'll have to remember to ask you again in the  
morning. Hey, do you wanna meet for coffee before school? Starbucks?  
My treat ;)**

I thought for a moment. What harm could it do?

**Sure, sounds fun. I'll meet you at 7:30. Goodnight Edward.**

His response was quick.

**Fantastic. Sweet dreams Bella.**

I smiled at the last message and put my phone aside. The day had left me emotionally and physically drained and I knew a good night's rest was in order. I quickly dozed off into a well needed sleep.

The sound of my phone buzzing wildly awoke me and I rubbed my eyes as I checked the message.

**I never thought of you to be the kind to stand someone up. My poor, poor heart! I am hurt! Where is my Bella?**

Damn it. Edward. I checked the time. It was nearly eight. I jumped out of bed and started getting ready, typing a message as I raced around.

**Crap. So sorry. I'll be there in ten. Sorry.**

I threw on the first outfit I got my hands on, not caring what it looked like. Luckily, my shopping trip with Alice and Rose had left me with the best clothes so, unless I wore the few clothes I had brought to Chicago, I could never look like a shmuck. I tore a brush through my hair and furiously brushed my teeth. I grabbed my bag, phone and slipped on some shoes as I went out the door.

The place was quiet so I assumed Alice and Rosalie were already gone. How kind of them to wake me...

Fortunately, Starbucks was close by and I made it there just after eight.

Edward was sitting down at a table. He stood when he saw me rush in.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I overslept and I was trying to make it down here as fast as I could," I tried to explain, panting.

"Bella." He stopped and smiled at me. "You're wearing two different shoes."

I looked down at my feet and sure enough, Edward was right. On my left foot, I had a blue shoe with colourful laces and on my right was a white shoe with black and blue scribbles all over it. I sighed and felt a blush creep up into my cheeks.

"Of course I would do that. And I don't even have time to go back and change," I mumbled still looking down.

"Don't worry. It's cute." I glanced up to see his warm smile. "Very cute."

"Thanks, I guess."

"Uh, here." He thrust a cup of Starbucks in front of me. "It's cold now, but whatever." He looked slightly embarrassed as I took the cup from his hand and opened the lid. It was a Cinnamon Dolce Latte, exactly what I loved to have.

"How did you know what I like?"

He looked even more embarrassed. "Just observant, I guess."

"Well thank you... I feel like I need to make this up to you..."

"Bella, it's not a big deal. You overslept. It happens."

He was so understanding and it made me feel even worse. He was doing everything right and I was just taking it. I thought about what I could do, automatically gnawing on my bottom lip.

"Do you want to skip English?"

His eyebrow shot up. "Skip? Isabella Swan, you rebel."

I grinned and took his hand without thinking. "Come on." We raced out the door. I precariously balanced my drink in one hand as I tugged him along.

"Where are we going?" he called as I kept on running, towing him along behind me.

"I don't know!"

People were giving us strange looks as we ran wildly through the crowds of students going to class. Many recognized Edward and called after him. He didn't answer; he just went on running and laughing with me. I don't know what had put me in such a silly mood but it felt good to breaking the rules for a little while.

We finally stopped running when we came to a small park just off campus. We stepped through a thin layer of fresh snow as I searched for a spot to sit. The air was cool, but felt good on my heated face. Eventually, I found the perfect place.

There was a swinging bench with a small overhang shielding it from the light snowfall above. I pulled him over and we sat down. It was quiet because there was no one around this early. I sighed happily and shot him a huge grin.

He looked slightly out of breath. "Well, that was interesting. You are so odd, Bella."

"Why thank you. And I could say the same for you. That text this morning? 'My poor, poor heart. I am hurt. Where is my Bella?' Really?" It was the 'my Bella' part that I really didn't like.

"What? You didn't like it?" He winked at me grinning cheekily. I pushed him lightly.

"No, Romeo, I didn't... Why do you do that, though? Every time I feel like we're really becoming friends, you do something that makes it obvious that you want us to be more than that. It makes uncomfortable and you know I don't want a relationship right now. I told you that."

He sighed. "I know. I just don't understand why we couldn't ever be together. Maybe not right now, but sometime in the future? C'mon, Bella, doesn't something about this," he motioned his hand between us, "just feel right?"

I contemplated that for a moment. "It feels right to be sitting here with you..." I began slowly. "And it feels right to be talking to you. It feels right for us to be close, for us to even be best friends. But that's it, Edward. For me anyway."

His brow furrowed in curiosity. I could tell he was trying to hide his sadness. "Why is that?"

I looked down at the drink in my hands, playing with the lid as I tried to put words to how I was feeling. "Because I just _can't_right now, Edward. At the end of the year, I'll have to go back to Phoenix and you'll go back to Seattle. Leaving the best friends I've ever had will be hard enough. But if we were to become more than that... If we were to last that long... Edward, I wouldn't be able deal with that, with leaving you."

He closed his eyes and sat silently for a moment. "I understand." He looked at me, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "Plus, I heard you were getting cozy enough with Mason last night."

"I already told you I don't feel that way about him. I just needed a friend. Don't be stupid." I shoved him again. Suddenly, he picked me up swiftly and dropped me into the snow. I looked at him, shocked. He just grinned triumphantly.

"You spilled my latte," I said, horrified as I looked at the brown mess in the snow. His smile didn't falter. "Oh, you're going to get it now." The snow wasn't sticky enough for snowballs so I just took a handful and threw it in his face. He looked ridiculous with the icy mess all over him. He came at me in revenge and I stuck my foot out, tripping him. Edward fell flat on his face into the snow, spilling his coffee as well and I started laughing so hard that I couldn't keep myself sitting up.

"You are pure evil," he said, wiping snow from his eyes which made me laugh even harder.

Finally, I calmed down enough to notice our surroundings. A few parents with small children and elderly folks were beginning to wander through the park, looking at us as they went. Some smiled at our antics, others were extremely disapproving. My blush probably wasn't noticeable under my already rosy cheeks.

Edward propped himself up on his elbow and looked at me. His pink cheeks and silly smile made him look so young and happy. "I want to ask you something and based on the conversation we had earlier, you'll probably say no. But just hear me out, okay?"

"Alright," I said cautiously.

"Okay. So the Snow Ball is coming up." Uh-oh. Emmett was right. Right away, I opened my mouth to protest. He held up his free hand. "Hey, you said you'd hear me out." I sighed and waited for him to continue. "Thank you. Anyway, the Snow Ball is coming up and I know Ali and Rose are forcing you to go. So maybe you'd like some company?"

"Look, Edward, I-"

"I'm not finished yet. You don't have to. I'm just asking. But we would just go as friends. I won't ask you to dance and I'll keep all the creeps who are bound to show up away from you."

"Aren't there a hundred other girls who would be fighting for the chance to go with you?" I asked.

"True. But there is only one girl that I am fighting to go with." He winked.

I looked away from him. "Just friends?" I made sure.

"Nothing more, nothing less."

I thought about it. He wouldn't force me to dance and he'd be turning away all the Mike Newtons... It was an offer I couldn't pass up.

"Sure. I'll go with you."

The smile that lit his face made me happy. "Really?" I nodded and he sat up to pull me into a hug. "Thanks, Bella."

I laughed into his damp jacket. "Anytime."

He let go of me and laid back into the soft snow, making sure to avoid the coffee mess we had made. I laid beside him, not caring how cold or wet I was. I don't know how long we stayed there, but I didn't care. For me, this was happiness.

After a while, Edward pulled out his phone. He frowned. "Were we planning on skipping the whole day? It's almost lunch."

I sat up. "Maybe we should go..." I was starting to feel how soaked through my clothes were and my teeth began chattering. It seemed that Edward was in the same boat. "We need to change still."

He agreed and helped me up. We walked quietly back toward the school.

"What's your middle name?" he asked suddenly.

"Marie. Why?"

"Just curious. Marie's a nice name. It suits you." He smiled down at me.

"Thanks... What's yours?"

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Anthony."

My breath hitched and I could hardly hold back the tears that began to cloud my eyes. Edward watched me, concern written all over his face. "Bella, what's wrong?"

I shook my head. I couldn't tell him why his middle name nearly brought me to tears. That would be revealing my darkest secret, a secret I wasn't ready to share with him yet.

"Nothing," I finally choked out. "I'm fine. And Anthony is a beautiful name, by the way. Embrace it."

His concern turned to confusion, but he decided not to ask any more questions which suited me just fine. We walked in silence for the rest of the way. When we got to the lounge, he stopped me.

"Meet you back here in twenty minutes?" he asked. I nodded and we both went up to our dorms.

I kicked off my mismatched shoes robotically and found a dry set of clothes, unable to shake the tension I was feeling. Pure coincidence that Edward's middle name is Anthony. Pure coincidence... But why did it feel like more than that? I pushed that thought to the back of my mind as I continued getting ready.

I combed through my damp hair after I dressed and gathered my things. I made sure I was wearing a proper pair of shoes as I went out the door.

Edward was waiting in the lounge as planned and he smiled when he saw me. I answered with a smile of my own and we started walking toward the school. I began to feel the tension coming back in the silence as we walked.

"I want to say something without you getting upset or uncomfortable," Edward said quietly as we moved toward our destination.

"Okay." I couldn't help but be wary when he started a conversation like this.

He took a deep breath. "Okay, here it goes. I just want to tell you that I like seeing you like this. Really happy. Not that fake smile you used to put on your face, claiming you were fine. I'm glad that you're not afraid anymore. Before, no one could even touch you without you flinching or freaking out. I don't know what it was that made you so sad and I'm sorry that it ever happened to you. You never deserved it. But I'm glad you seem to be getting better.

"It's nice to have real conversations with you now. It's something I've wanted for a long time, but things were just so strained... I guess what I'm getting at is I'm happy that you're becoming more... normal. And I'm happy that you're happy now."

Maybe some would be offended by his choice of words, but I was glad because he was making me realize these things about myself. I was becoming more content here.

"Thank you, Edward. I'm glad I'm becoming more normal, too." I giggled and bumped him gently. "I'm also happy that we can finally talk. I like talking to you."

We were in the school now and almost at the cafeteria. I didn't mind the eyes on us as we walked through the throngs of students. I decided that if I really wanted to be friends with Edward, I could bear to sacrifice a few things like a little privacy.

I spotted Emmett and the rest of them sitting at their usual table. A few weeks after school began, some people, like Tyler and Jacob had drifted away from us at lunch and sat at their own table. I still said hi to them in the halls and talked to them in the classes we had together, but even with Jacob things felt different and we weren't as close.

"And what were you two up to all morning?" Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"We went to the park, dumbass," Edward told him.

"Oh, 'the park'. Is that what you kids are calling it these days?"

Edward cuffed his cousin on the side of his head while everyone chuckled. I took a seat beside Edward and noticed there was an extra person sitting around our table. Beside Mason was a small, pretty girl with long, dark curls and hazel coloured eyes. She smiled brightly at me. I smiled back politely.

"Oh, Bella, this is Jessica Stanley. She's new here so I'm showing her around," Mason told me.

My smile was more genuine now. "Nice to meet you, Jessica. I'm Bella Swan," I said.

"Thanks, Bella. It's nice to meet you too." She flipped her hair back and smiled warmly. Her eyes flickered to Edward sitting next to me a few times.

He lazily threw his arm over my shoulder as he introduced himself. "Edward Cullen. Welcome to River Heights, Jessica." He grinned at her.

She flipped her hair again and looked him up and down. "Thanks Edward. It's nice to be here." Her voice was just too sweet.

Mason distracted her then and she talked to him happily. Every time he glanced my way, I gave him a pointed look, wondering what was going on between him and Jessica. He ignored me, appearing embarrassed. Alice then began discussing dresses with me so I had to stay focused on her.

"I would love to see in you in red or pink," Alice cooed as she looked me over. "Or yellow..." She turned to Rosalie. "Orange?" she asked, unsure.

Rose shrugged as I looked in horror. "I don't know," she began, "but we also need to try some purple. Darker colours would look great against her complexion."

I sighed as Alice and Rose chatted animatedly about fashion. Edward chuckled at my lack of knowledge on the subject and squeezed my shoulder. He then started talking to Emmett and Jasper about something sports related. I tuned that out and watched Mason and Jessica flirting shamelessly. I smiled at the cuteness of it all.

Soon enough, lunch was over and Edward walked with me to Biology. We were continuing work on a lab so after Mr. Banner quieted the class down, Edward and I got started on the written portion.

"Here, you're just ruining it," Edward complained. He took the sheet out from under my hands. "Just let me do it."

"I was doing just fine," I insisted.

"If fine means shitty, then yes you were doing perfectly fine."

"Go to hell, Edward." I hunched over, crossing my arms and stared angrily at anywhere, but him.

Even though we were great friends everywhere else, inside the classroom, we could never seem to get along. We were both too strong-headed and picky about what we wanted; it led to frequent arguments.

I sat there pouting as he finished up our written lab. When he tried to start conversation, I ignored him.

"Aww, Bella. You know how I am about my work." He grabbed my wrist, trying to get me to look at him, but I pulled away. "Bella? ..."

He continued with the long drawn out vowel until I got fed up. It seemed as though he would never run out of breath.

"What Edward?"

The class went silent and heads turned in our direction. My eyes darted nervously and I let my hair fall in front of my face. I stayed looking down for what seemed like forever until a pair of lips was at my ear.

"Don't worry. No one's staring at you anymore," Edward said softly and I peeked around to make sure he was telling the truth. He was. I looked at him shyly and he grinned, patting my knee.

"You are so strange. You looked a little silly sitting there when everyone was staring at you."

"Thank you so much. That is truly comforting," I said dryly.

The rest of Biology went by with us bickering every so often, but we both knew it wasn't serious. Class ended and he walked with me to gym class. It was strange how easy things were between us now. One day I hate him and the next he's probably my best friend. I mean, I loved Alice and Rose to death, but there was something with Edward, some sort of connection that we only seemed to have.

He squeezed my arm with a smile before he left to go to the boys' change room. I couldn't help but smile as I walked into the change room. I received some glares in return.

Lauren Mallory gathered with a few girls - her minions obviously - and they began whispering and peeking back at me every so often. I rolled my eyes and went to change. As I was leaving I felt a tap on my shoulder. As I turned around, I expected to see Lauren's makeup caked face to be sneering at me.

But it was Tanya standing there, a shy smile on her face instead of an inch of cover-up.

"Oh hi Tanya," I said, taken aback.

"Hi, Bella. How are you?" She seemed slightly nervous and I didn't understand why.

"I'm great. Thanks for asking. How about you?" I asked, wondering where this conversation was going.

"I'm good, thanks... Do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead," I said, slightly cautious.

"Well, it's just that I see you and Edward together a lot and I was just wondering... Is there anything going on between you two? I mean, I'm totally fine with that if there is. I'm just curious..."

I smiled kindly at her. "We're just friends, Tanya. We don't see each other that way." Okay so that wasn't completely true for Edward, but she didn't have to know. "So if you like him, go for it... Just be careful..."

She frowned slightly, trying to figure something out. "Thanks, Bella. That means a lot to me."

"Sure, Tanya."

I went to leave, but remembered something. "Oh, Tanya?

"Yeah?"

"Edward and I are going to the Snow Ball together." Her face fell. "But we're just going as friends," I assured her. "I just thought you should know."

She tried to hide her devastation. "Yeah, um, thanks for telling me."

I immediately felt horrible. "I can tell him no, you know. I don't want to hurt your feelings..."

"It's completely fine. You don't have to do that."

"Are you sure?" She nodded and I half-smiled. "I'll let you steal as many dances as you'd like."

"Thanks, Bella."

I went to join the rest of the class, waving at Mason and Edward as they stretched. And then it was on to another game of basketball. Or what nearly every other girl called, "touch the ball as little as possible."

After class, the guys tried to get me to play another game of basketball with them, saying they needed to warm up before their first official basketball practice. I declined knowing Alice and Rosalie were waiting to take me shopping.

I made my way home quickly, hoping that the sooner I got home, the sooner this whole experience would be over. The girls were waiting for me when I walked in.

"Ready to go?" Alice chirped excitedly. I sighed and nodded. I had just enough time to dump my books before they pulled me back out the door.

We took the Cullens' jeep to the mall and I was thrust into a world of dresses and shoes, bewildered and unprepared.

I was shoved into change rooms with 50 dresses thrown at me. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even focus on which dress I had put on. Though I distinctly recall cringing as I tried on an orange dress Alice had picked out. She and Rose had the same reaction.

"So orange is a no," Alice mumbled to herself as she passed me more dresses in darker colours. "Try these instead. I really like the blue, purple and black ones."

I was torn between two. First, I tried on a simple black dress that ended around my thigh. It had a modest sweetheart neckline and thin spaghetti straps that crisscrossed at the back. It was finished off with a thin, diamond belt. The second dress I couldn't decide on was a deep purple that also ended at my thigh. There was a beaded trim that went over one shoulder. The rest of the dress flowed away delicately.

"They're both so pretty, Bells," Rose said and I had to agree. I bit my lip trying to decide.

"Well, while you're trying to pick, you might as well try on that blue one I gave you. It's the last one and I do wanna see it," Alice told me. I nodded and went back in to change.

Once I pulled, it on, I immediately forgot about the two other dresses. I smiled and knew that the girls would call the other dresses trash compared to this one. It was a midnight blue tiered dress that went just above my knee. It had thin spaghetti straps and beautiful embellishments. I may not know much about fashion, but I knew this dress was gorgeous.

The smiles on their faces when they saw me were euphoric. You'd think I was trying on a wedding dress the way they reacted. I laughed when they both applauded, encouraging me to spin around.

"That's a total yes," Rose said with a grin and Alice nodded excitedly in agreement.

I got back into my regular clothes and grimaced when I looked at the price tag on the dress. Of course I could easily afford it, but I still wasn't used to buying non-essentials.

I paid for the dress, trying not to make a face as I handed my card over to the sales clerk.

"Edward is going to love that dress," Rosalie laughed. I blushed.

"Shut up, Rose. I don't care what he thinks," I grumbled.

"Suuuuure, Bella."

Alice was surprisingly quiet all of the sudden and I looked over to see what was on her mind. She was looking away, staring at the sky as we walked to the jeep.

"Something wrong, Alice?" I asked.

She didn't answer for a minute. Then she smiled at me, but the sadness was in her eyes. "I'm so glad I know you, Bella."

I was puzzled. "I'm glad I know you too, Alice..."

"I'm glad you know Edward. I'm glad you two are friends. More than glad, really. There aren't words."

"What's on your mind, Alice?" I asked, looking to Rosalie. She seemed just as confused as I was.

"I'm just remembering some stuff. You know, Edward said goodbye to me the day we were coming to River Heights. I remember crying to Rose the night before we were to leave. I didn't want him to 'go'. I told you before how he just... fades from us at school. And this year he hasn't. And he actually _wants_to spend time with us. And he actually tries to see us as much as possible...I know I've told you this before, but I just can't get over it." She stops and looks me straight in the eye. "The effect you have had on us - on him - is amazing. I'm so grateful to you. I'm so happy you could bring us back together again."

My eyes stay on the ground. I'm embarrassed and quite confused. "I didn't do anything though..."

"You're right," Rose agreed. "You're just you and that means so much."

And that uneasy feeling, that tension was back inside me. "His middle name's Anthony," I whispered, more to myself than anything. "Just like..."

Alice nodded. "It's funny how things turn out, isn't it?"

The way back was quiet and I couldn't quite wrap my head around what they had been telling me. We went upstairs and tried to figure out what we would do for the rest of the evening, seeing that the boys were at practice.

"Let's bake cookies!" Alice suggested, back into her usual chipper mood. "Then we can sit around, watch terrible movies and eat cookies and the thirty tons of ice cream we have in our freezer."

"That sounds... fun," I allowed.

Luckily we had all the ingredients so the three of us went about whipping up some chocolate chip cookies. It was a mess while we did our best to make them and I'd never had such a good time in the kitchen before. We finally got a batch in the oven when Alice started sneaking spoonfuls of cookie dough.

"So good," she said between mouthfuls of the sweet treat.

"Alice!" Rose smacked her hand as she went to take another spoonful. "There won't be enough to make cookies."

I grabbed the biggest spoon I could find. "To hell with it, Rose." I went in for some of my own. Delicious.

She couldn't keep the disapproving look on her face for long and she just had to have some too.

As it turned out, we only made about 12 cookies, but I always thought the dough tasted better anyway.

We watched movies, laughing at all the wrong parts and sometimes dubbing over it with lines of our own. It was the most fun I'd had in a while.

Soon, I was tired enough to go to bed. I took a warm shower, using my favourite strawberry shampoo. I changed into my comfiest sweats and t-shirt, brushed my teeth and hair and climbed into bed.

I pulled out my phone, suddenly wanting to talk to Edward.

**How was practice?**

His response was quick. **Easy. Our team is going to dominate this year.  
How was your evening?  
**  
**Great. Got my dress, made cookies, watched crappy rom-coms. The whole  
thing.  
**  
**Sounds like a party ;)**

I grinned. **Sure was. Sad you missed it. Anyway, just wanted to say  
good night.  
**  
**That's very kind of you, Bella. I'm glad I'm worthy of your nighttime wishes.**

Well, you should be. It's a tough list to get on to.

**I'll be sure to remember that :) Goodnight Bella. Sweet dreams.  
**  
**You better. Goodnight Edward.  
**  
I settled back into bed and closed my eyes. I was nearly asleep when the buzzing of my phone startled me back into consciousness. I was annoyed, ready to give Edward a piece of my mind when I saw it wasn't Edward's number.

It was Phil.

**Just thought you should know how they're doing.**

Attached was a picture of Ashley, Katie, Anthony and my mother all smiling like it had just been the best day of their lives. It brought tears to my eyes.

I stared at the picture for a long time before settling back into my bed. I closed my eyes and sighed contently.

Yes, it truly had been the perfect day.

_Tears stream down your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down your face_

_And I..._

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

**There you go! Tell me what you think. Next update will be sometime after I get back from New York. Also, the link to Bella's dress is on my profile!**

**Thanks! Please review!**

**~Kara**


	10. Breakdown

**Ugh. Kind of embarrassed about how long this update took. It's been done for a while. I just never got around to posting it. Well… enjoy.**

**P.S. If you're looking for something new to read, check out my new story, HICMA: The 5 Steps to Winning Edward Cullen's Heart. It's a funny one and a little silly, but hopefully you'll like it. Fingers crossed!**

**P.P.S. I don't own Twilight **

**Song: Jon McLaughlin – So Close**

**Bella POV**

"Excited about the dance tomorrow?" Edward asked as he picked around on his guitar while we sat in The Hole. I was on the couch, pretending to do Pre-cal, but really watching him. He was fascinating when he played.

"I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm excited, but I'm not dreading it," I clarified.

"I don't believe that. I bet the teenager inside of you is screaming, 'Oh my God! I'm going to the dance with Edward Cullen!'"

I laughed at the squeaky voice he used to mock me. "Don't flatter yourself, Edward. The only reason I'm going with you is because you promised to create a Mike Newton-free zone."

"Is that all I'm good for now? Protecting you from scum?"

I smirked at him. "That's all you were ever good for."

"Thank you, Bella," he replied sarcastically. "That makes me feel so good."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Just keep playing, Edward."

A mischievous glint came into his eyes as he grinned. "Why, so you can ogle me some more?"

I flushed, my eyes gluing themselves to the floor. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on, Bella. I'm not completely clueless. I saw you checking me out. And, well, I don't blame you," he said with a wink.

I gave him my best disapproving face. "You know, arrogance won't get you anywhere."

He got up from his stool and plopped down beside me. "I have to disagree. Look at me, the most popular guy in school."

"That doesn't stem from arrogance," I argued.

"You didn't know me last year. I could've been a bigger asshole than I am now and yet I am still popular."

I frowned. "You're not an asshole. You're Edward." I looked him in the eye. "You're my best friend."

His expression was carefully masked as his deep green eyes assessed me. I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. "Yeah," was all he said. He put his arm around me and I sighed as I lay my head on his shoulder. He gently rested his head on mine and we sat there in silence.

"Edward! Jazz says that h-... Oh my." Emmett came barging in, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw us together. Edward and I jumped away from each other, knocking our heads together in the process.

"Hell, Em, what do you want?" Edward's tone was fierce. I put a hand on his leg, trying to calm him. My other hand was rubbing the spot on my forehead where we had hit.

Emmett put his hands up, trying to look innocent. "Hey, hey. I'm sorry man. I didn't mean to interrupt." He couldn't keep the innocent exterior for long and broke out into a grin, wiggling his dark eyebrows.

"Stop being such an idiot, Emmett," I said, annoyed. "Now, what do you want?"

"Yeesh, Bella. At least give me a warning when it's your time of the month. Then I'll know to stay away," Emmett said, snickering.

"Emmett tell us what you want or get the hell out of here!" Edward ran a hand through his hair, frustrated.

Emmett looked between us. "You spend so much time together, you must be synchronized. Yikes."

"Emmett!" we both shouted.

"Okay, okay. Edward, Jasper and I are debating whether ACME - you know, from Roadrunner - is a trustworthy, reliable corporation and we need your opinion."

And there's the inevitable facepalm.

"Emmett. Please," Edward said tiredly. "Just go."

"But this debate is getting pretty heated and we could really use some help settling it," he whined.

"Go."

"Fine, whatever man," Emmett huffed as he turned to leave. "No need to be so grouchy just 'cause I interrupted your canoodling."

Edward rolled his eyes as Emmett left. I didn't move back near him, but picked up my notebook and continued with my pre-calculus. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Edward run a hand through his hair roughly and sit back.

I didn't look at him. I kept my eyes trained on my paper and hideous scrawl. He sighed, obviously frustrated and stood up.

"What is the matter, Edward?" I asked, annoyed, finally giving him my attention.

"Nothing, Bella! Nothing is the fucking matter! I'm super, fan-fucking- tastic!"

I shrank away from his sudden outburst. "What's wrong? Why are you being like this?"

"What? I'm not allowed to be angry? I'm not allowed to be pissed at you for having such a shitty personality and being such a tease?" He loomed over me, practically spitting the words in my face.

I was shocked and hurt by his words. But most of all, I was frightened beyond belief. I stared blankly, unable to speak or move.

"One minute you don't give a fuck what everyone thinks and the next, you're pushing me away! For God sakes, if you're uncomfortable with Emmett seeing us close, then what does that mean for everyone else? You're pulling me around and I don't know what to think anymore! What do you want from me? Just being friends with you is a constant battle. Everyday is something different, a new attitude I have to be prepared for. I'm starting to wonder if it's even worth it."

"At the park," I mumbled. "I didn't care about people seeing us at the park."

He huffed impatiently. "There was no one we knew at the park."

Finding my courage, I stood. He still towered over me, but suddenly he backed away as if I was the menacing one.

"Look, Edward, I realize I haven't always been fair to you. I haven't been very open with you. And I'm not used to being noticed by everyone yet. I'll admit that. But calling me a tease? Saying I have shitty personality? You have no right to say those things about me!"

I was getting angry to the point of tears and there was no stopping the words flying out of my mouth. "Look at yourself before you say anything like that! The way you expect girls to drop at your feet, how half the time you don't even give a shit about your own family! It's disgusting, Edward."

He watched me as I ranted on, his eyes becoming darker with each word. I had never feared for my life more than in this moment. His voice was low and smooth, yet terrifying. "You. Don't. Know. Me. So don't go on about things you have no clue about, Isabella. You'll regret it."

The use of my full name made me step back. It was surprisingly terrifying. "You know, the only thing I'm regretting right now is our friendship," I whispered.

He stared back coldly. "That makes two of us."

I tried to blink back the moisture in my eyes, but my efforts were futile. I took a shaky breath and looked him in the eye. "I vowed I wouldn't cry over you again. I put my trust in you that I wouldn't need to. I hate you for this." Tears began streaming down my face and I saw his face crumple in pain. Too much. It was all just too much to handle right now. I had to leave. I couldn't stand to be there any longer. I stumbled blindly out the door leaving Edward alone in that horrid room.

I tried not to make eye contact with anyone as I went to the stairwell. I really wasn't in the mood to be stuck in an elevator with people staring at my puffy red face.

I threw open my door and Alice and Rose were there with various hair and makeup items laid out everywhere.

"Oh good Bella, you're here. We're testing hair and makeup for the dance tomo- Oh my gosh, Bells, what's wrong?" Alice jumped up and rushed over to me.

I brushed off the hand she put on my shoulder. "I'm not going to that stupid dance," I said, wiping my eyes. I went straight to my room without stopping.

"I'm going to kill him," Rosalie hissed, kicking the wall. I shut my door and leaned against it for a moment. I was so upset with him. The things he had said were uncalled for and extremely hurtful. I hated him saying such things... But I hated that we fought in the first place even more.

After my tears dried, I sat on my bed holding my phone. Maybe he would text and apologize. I waited an hour. Two. Three. Four. Nothing. I cried myself to sleep that night.

I dragged myself out of bad at around ten the next morning. Because of the dance, there were no scheduled classes and it was nice to have a long weekend. My eyes were puffy, red and sore. My cheeks were tear- stained and patchy. I shrugged. Nothing could be done about that. I checked my phone to see if there were any messages from him during the night. Nothing.

I walked sluggishly to the kitchen in my dead state. Alice and Rosalie were leaning against the counters when I came in and both looked extremely concerned and apologetic.

"Don't say anything," I muttered. "You know I'll tell you 'I'm fine' no matter what you say."

"You don't look fine," Rosalie pointed out.

"You think I don't know that?" I snapped back.

"Hey, I'm just saying..."

"And I'm saying I'm fine."

"Well if you're fine," Alice began, "then you won't mind if we start getting you ready for the dance."

My jaw tightened and I tried to keep my lip from quivering. "I told you I'm not going," I said through clenched teeth.

"But if you're fine then why wouldn't you wanna go? You seemed sort of excited the other day."

"Stop it, Alice." I was nearing my breaking point.

She put a hand on mine. "Don't let him get to you, Bells. He's just a stupid boy with a bad attitude. Show him that you don't need him there to have a good time."

"Alice-" I began.

"Just try. Please. You'll regret it if you don't. I promise you'll have a good time."

I nodded solemnly.

A huge smile broke out across her face and she hugged me to her tiny frame. Rose laughed at her enthusiasm and I had to join in.

After that, it was down to serious business as the girls looked over their various hair and makeup products, discussing which would be best to use.

I went out for a walk that morning, taking advantage of the couple of hours I had before Rosalie and Alice would sit me down in their chair and poke and pluck me endlessly. The air was cool and I hugged myself tightly. The walk wasn't relaxing or enjoyable, but it was a chance to think about how quickly the night before had escalated.

In a way, I understood why he was so upset. I was pulling him around. Confused about my feelings toward him and all the attention, I couldn't ever bring myself to feel comfortable when it came down to the staring and the sneering.

But he didn't see my point at all. He was mad about not getting something exactly the way he wanted and didn't care how it affected me. The venom in his voice, the rage in his eyes... He didn't stop the angry words that poured out of him and in the end, we were both hurting.

I made my way back upstairs and took a quick shower before the girls got started. Once I sat down in the torture chair, Alice and Rosalie pounced like predators. They tugged on my hair, blow drying and spraying who knows what into it. I looked over my face in the mirror and grimaced.

"Good luck fixing this," I muttered. "I'm a mess."

"It happens to the best of us, Bells," Rosalie said in comfort. "Every girl looks a little gross after a good cry."

Alice nodded in agreement and I just shook my head. I looked down in my lap where my phone sat and checked it again. No messages.

A little later I checked once more. No messages. In fact, I could hardly concentrate and the beautification going on because I was too distracted with thoughts of Edward and what he might be up to.

"Jesus, Bella if you look at that phone one more time, I will rip it from your hands and smash it," Rose fumed.

I clutched it closer. "Relax, Rose. I was just," quick peek. Nothing, "looking to see if I had any messages."

"From Edward?" Alice cocked an eyebrow at me. I tried to look unaffected, but I couldn't help the slight blush on my cheeks.

"Who else?" Rosalie muttered. I glared at her.

"Well, I'd like to think I deserve an apology," I shot back.

"What actually happened between you two? We called the guys, but Jasper said that Edward just stormed in and slammed the door and he wouldn't come out of his room for the rest of the night. And he was gone before anyone got up this morning."

"Well, so much for that apology," I muttered. Taking a deep breath and willing away the tears that threatened to make an appearance, I told them about Emmett unwelcome interruption, Edward's sudden outburst and the harsh words that followed.

Once I finished, they were quietly putting my hair up in rollers and taking in my words.

"This is getting more complicated than I thought," Alice said softly. I shot her a questioning look in the mirror, but she just shook her head.

Soon they finished and I frowned at how ridiculous I looked. My hair was all pinned up in giant rollers, pulling almost painfully, but I didn't dare touch it.

It was just getting into the afternoon and Alice and Rosalie shoved me into the living room to watch TV while they started getting ready. I was about to sit down when something caught my eye. It was a crisp white envelope that had been slid under the door. I picked it up carefully, afraid to mark it in any way.

My name was written across the front in careful calligraphy. Frowning, I opened the envelope and pulled out a crisp letter. Edward's telltale scrawl filled the page.

_Bella_, it read.

_For a long time now, I've been the type of guy who couldn't care less about anyone. Horribly enough, even my family was never that important. I was... empty. I was lifeless. And I thought I would stay that way._

That hasn't happened. Your very presence has changed me significantly. It's everything about you, your smile, your laugh, the way you have with words; all of that has changed me and is still changing me. I'm trying because of you. Things that have been long dormant have finally begun to stir. You've brought me out of a darkness that I couldn't escape on my own. You've brought me strength. You've brought me freedom from my own personal hell.

It makes me uneasy to know that I might have risked a friendship I so desperately need. I want to be part of your life, whatever the role may be. I want to be there for you the way you've been here for me.

Please give me the chance to explain things. And please find it in your beautiful heart to forgive me.

I'm sorry.

Edward.  
  
I wiped away the tears that rolled down my cheeks, silently thanking the girls for not putting on my makeup yet.

Unable to think about anything at the moment, I folded the letter and put it in my room. I then flipped on the television and stared blankly as Friends marathon came on. I wasn't sure how many episodes I had watched before Alice was shaking my shoulder in an attempt to get my attention.

"Bella? Earth to Bella!" My eyes snapped to her bright questioning ones. "Where'd you go there?"

I shook my head, smiling slightly. "I don't know. Sorry."

"Well, come on silly. We've gotta finish getting you ready. It's going to be time to go soon."

I stood up and actually noticed how both the girls were dressed. I gasped at their beauty.

Alice wore a strapless, purple dress with a cute sweetheart neckline. The dress ended mid-thigh in a ruffled bubble hem. Her hair was flat and feathered back. Her makeup was light, the soft shades bringing out her eyes. There was no other way to describe it; the whole look was just so very Alice.

Rosalie was a complete opposite. While Alice's outfit gave off an innocent and incredibly sweet vibe, Rose went all out on her blonde bombshell look. Her platinum, shimmering dress hugged her figure tightly. It was short with a deep V-neckline. Her hair hung in waves and was swept to one side. A large feather earring hung from the other, touching her bare neck. Her makeup was dramatic yet not too much. She was beautiful and ultimately intimidating.

"You both look amazing," I said honestly, my eyes wide.

"And when we're done with you, you're gonna look just as hot," Rose confirmed. I simply rolled my eyes.

I quickly changed into my dress and the girls pulled me back into the chair where Alice pulled out the rollers and Rosalie started on my makeup. Alice began pulling strands of hair away from my face and pinned them up. It didn't take long until they both finished and stepped away so I could see.

I didn't recognize the girl staring back at me. Her hair hung in large, loose curls, most spilling down her back, but pieces fell around, framing her soft face. Her skin was smooth and free of any foundation or blush. Her lips were full and lovely in pink. And her cheeks took on a lighter shade of that pink as she looked on.

But it was her eyes.

Who knew that brown eyes could be that beautiful? Thick, dark lashes fanned out delicately. With a touch of shimmering eyeshadow and a little eyeliner under her bottom lashes, out came so much wonder and beauty in her wide, sparkling eyes.

This was me. This was _me_.

The girls squealed with excitement as they looked me over. I stood up and looked at the three of us in the mirror. For once, I actually felt like I belonged there, in between these two women with beauty that was almost otherworldly. I couldn't help but smile.

There was a knock at the door and we pulled ourselves away from the mirror to go answer it. Suddenly, I was unsure. I didn't know if Edward and I were still going to the dance together. In fact, I didn't know what we were and I didn't know what I would do if he walked through that door.

But my worries were unnecessary. Emmett and Jasper walked in, looking very handsome in new suits. But my date was a no-show.

They greeted the girls enthusiastically and I stood back, waiting patiently.

"Where's Edward?" I asked quietly.

Jasper shrugged. "We haven't seen him since last night." Seeing the devastation on my face, Jasper wrapped an arm around my shoulder and squeezed gently. "Sorry Bells. You look beautiful by the way."

I half-smiled, shyly looking up at him. "Thanks Jazz."

"Let's get going, then, and have some fun," Rose said, trying to lift the solemn mood. They agreed wholeheartedly and started to leave. I hung back.

"You coming Bella?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, I just need to grab something from my room. Go ahead and I'll catch up."

She shot me a look of concern, but I shrugged it off. They filed out and I went to my room to calm myself. I could feel the panic and hurt rising. I grasped the letter he had written and read it again.

Why wasn't he here? We needed to talk and the sooner, the better. He needed to explain what was going on in his mind. He needed to be here.

I dropped the letter shaking my head and hurried out to go catch up with the rest of them. In my rush, I collided with something large and hard. I teetered in the ridiculous heels the girls put me in, but strong arms wrapped around me before I could topple over.

My head snapped up and I was met with warm yet careful green eyes. Soft lips curled into a small smile and a gentle hand came up to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind my ear.

"Careful there," Edward murmured. "Don't wanna hurt that pretty face."

I stepped back and he let me go, but his hands hovered over my shoulders still.

He was in a black suit with a crisp white shirt and a dark blue tie that matched the colour of my dress. His hair was in its usual disarray and he looked me over cautiously.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, unable to keep my voice from shaking slightly.

"I'm here to take you to the dance, of course," he answered smoothly, yet his eyes still assessed me with caution.

I stared at him for a moment, shaking my head. Then I wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him tightly, surprising even myself. He stiffened for a moment before relaxing and putting his arms around me.

"Sorry," he said in my ear.

"Me too," I replied. "We still need to talk."

"I know."

I pulled away and went to check myself in the mirror one more time. I fixed my hair carefully and then grabbed my phone. Edward followed me quietly out the door.

He grabbed my hand and stopped me. "I just need to tell you how stunning you look tonight, Bella."

My face heated up quickly. "Thanks," I whispered. He let go of my hand and we continued our walk.

The air was cold, but I pretended it didn't bother me. My light cardigan did little to protect me against the frigid winter evening. We walked quickly to the hall where the Snow Ball was being held. Neither of us said anything. There wasn't much to say.

We could hear the music long before we got inside. Edward grinned at me.

"Ready?" he asked.

I nodded.

Right when we got inside, I spotted Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, Mason and Jessica standing and talking. Alice spotted me first and broke into a huge smile when she saw Edward by my side. She danced over to us and gave us hugs.

"Come on, Bella. Let's dance." She grabbed my hand and I groaned as she pulled me onto the dance floor. I could hear Edward's hearty laugh behind us. Rosalie joined Alice and me. I rolled my eyes, but danced anyway. Whatever makes them happy...

After a few songs, we came back to where the boys had sat down at a table. Mason and Jessica sat at the same table, but they mostly kept to themselves, ignoring us as they talked. The girls draped themselves on their boyfriends' laps while I took an empty seat next to Edward. He raised an eyebrow at me and patted his lap.

"It's always open you know, Bella." His mischievous smile became more pronounced as he saw the look on my face. I slapped his arm.

"Grow up, Edward."

After getting some drinks and relaxing a bit, we decided to pull the guys up to dance with us. They seemed adamant about staying seated, but some pouting and sad eyes on our part worked quite well in getting them up.

I was surprised at how much rhythm and natural movement they seemed to possess. But then again, these were probably the most beautiful people on Earth. Of course they were naturals at everything too.

I laughed as the guys showed us the dance routine they had done once long ago as kids.

"Hey, don't make fun," Edward said as he nudged me. "Esme was a cruel mother and made me and Emmett go to interpretive dance classes until I was thirteen. It was so scarring, I'll always remember every move."

"They even forced me to learn it too," Jasper told me.

Everything seemed to be going great. Then, a slow song came on. I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't particularly comfortable with dancing with Edward so I started to go back to our table.

A hand wrapped gently around my wrist and I was pulled against Edward's chest. I tried to protest, but he put a finger to my lips.

"Hey, you forced me to get up here so now you're staying with me."

I sighed and put my arms around his neck as the music continued to play.

_You're in my arms and all the world is calm._

The music playing on for only two.

So close together and when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive  
  
Edward smiled and I internally rolled my eyes at the song. He twirled us around and I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that it felt like we were a scene in a movie.

_Our life goes by, romantic dreams must die_

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew.

_So close was waiting, waiting here with you _

_And now forever I know_

_All that I want is to hold you so close  
_  
He danced us around and stared into my eyes, never once breaking eye contact. I let myself lean in to him and relax. In his arms I felt comfortable.

_So close to reaching that famous happy end_

Almost believing this was not pretend

Now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far, we are so close  
  
Edward leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to sing."

I giggled. "Yes. This is nothing short of a fairytale."

"Well you do look like a princess," he said. My face heated in embarrassment from the compliment and he smiled.

We kept moving gracefully to the music. Edward seemed to be slightly distracted, almost as if he was trying to make up his mind about something. All the while, he kept his eyes on me and smiled every so often.

As the music flourished, Edward's face changed. He seemed to have resolved his issue and pulled me slightly closer. And all I could do was stare at him in wonder and awe. It hadn't really crossed my mind since the day we met, but he was flawless in his looks. He could be with any other girl here. But he was dancing with me.

_We're so close to reaching that famous happy end._

Almost believing this was not pretend  
  
Edward stopped us there. He stared at me for a moment then shifted closer. His thumb brushed my cheek softly. I was confused, but I stayed where I was.

_Let's go on dreaming, for we know we are_

Then he began to lean in. I was frozen in place. My heart was racing.  
His intentions were clear.

_So close._

He came closer. My arms were still around his neck and I unconsciously leaned in.

_So close._

He was mere centimeters away. I needed to stop this. At the last second I came to my senses. I pulled back and put a hand on his chest gently.

_And still so far.  
_  
"I'm sorry, Edward. I can't," I whispered.

He nodded silently and I leaned my forehead against his. His thumb still stroked my cheek as the song ended.

Once a new song came on, Edward released me. "Thanks for the dance," he said, kissing my forehead. He avoided my gaze now, but I could see the emptiness in his eyes. He walked away and I stared at his retreating figure, dumbfounded. This wasn't right.

I looked back to Rosalie, Emmett, Alice and Jasper. They had apparently watched our scene and they all wore mixed emotions on their faces.

I caught up to Edward as he walked away and grabbed his hand. He spun around. His expression was detached as he stared at me wordlessly.

"Come outside with me?" I asked quietly. He simply nodded.

We climbed some stairs that led out to a large balcony. A gust of air blew as we stepped into the night and without hesitation, Edward took off his suit jacket and put it over my shoulders.

"Thanks," I whispered. He didn't reply. I let my eyes roam over his features as he stared at the bright moon. His hair that had gotten even messier as the night went on, but it still looked amazing. His eyes shone, but his jaw was clenched and full of tension.

"I'm sorry," he said, not looking at me. "I shouldn't have thought that you would want to... I mean, it was stupid."

I put a hand on his arm. "No, Edward. Don't apologize. A part of me... really wanted to." He turned to me then, a look of pure shock on his face. "But if we had, it would've opened up things. Things I'm not ready to face or talk about yet."

"What are you talking about, Bella?" he asked seeming slightly frustrated.

I sighed. "Edward, you're my very best friend. And even though you're a complete jerk at times, you're still my best friend. But the loss and pain that I went through when we fought and everything I've been feeling tonight with you being so... perfect..." A smile slowly spread across his face. "Well, a part of me is realizing that I want to be more than just your friend."

His smile faded and his eyebrows pulled together. "Then what's holding you back?"

I looked up at the sky as I answered him. "Lots of things, I guess. There's the fact that I feel like I know virtually nothing about you. You're hiding a lot of things and I understand if you're not ready to tell me, but a relationship is built on trust and the truth… And then there's me. I came to this school feeling so broken and alone because of different reasons. I'm working on figuring myself out and trying to feel whole again."

"Can't I help with that?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head. "I can't have a boy try to complete me. I need to find my own strength and complete myself. It's not fair to you or me any other way. It's hard enough being a good boyfriend. It shouldn't be your job to make me a good girlfriend as well."

"I wouldn't mind," he mumbled.

"Yes you would. And I can't stand the idea of you hating me," I said honestly.

"Don't worry. That'll never happen."

We were both quiet for a while.

"What are the reasons?" he asked suddenly.

"What?"

"What are the reasons that make you feel so unlike yourself?"

"Edward, I don't really want to-"

"Relationships are built on trust and the truth, Bella," he reminded me. "Do you trust me?"

"I want to," I whispered, looking down.

"I see..."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a moment. "My parents divorced when I was very young," I began.

"Yes, you told me that," he said cautiously.

"I was fine with it," I continued as if he hadn't said anything. "I had twice the presents on holidays, two houses, lots of money, clothes." I acknowledged his look of surprise. "Yes, I was extremely shallow, but that didn't bother me. Everyone liked me anyway... But I realize now that it's the association with me that gained them popularity that they were really there for rather than my friendship."

I went on to tell him the story that I had already told his family and closest friends. The story that had brought me to this school and to this moment.

He was quiet after I finished. I stood anxiously, my hands pulling at Edward's suit jacket as I waited for him to say something, anything.

"I wish I could read your mind," he mumbled, resting himself on the rail of the balcony.

"Why?"

He stared at me, his green eyes intent on my face. "Because then I could figure out why you're afraid of people finding out the most selfless, kindest and loving act I've ever heard of."

I blushed at his words and looked away. "Bella," he said, carefully bringing his fingers under my chin so I would look at him, "you are so good." He shook his head. "You don't belong here, a place that only cares about looks and money. You're so much better than all the drama and shit that goes on at this school."

"But if I wasn't here then I wouldn't have met you or Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett and even Mason."

An adorable crooked smile appeared on his face then. "Just because you're too good to be here doesn't mean I'm not glad that you're slumming it."

He hugged me then and I relaxed in his arms.

"I feel like I haven't told you enough how beautiful you look tonight," he said softly.

"You've mentioned it."

"Well you are. Absolutely breathtaking."

My face warmed again and I was glad he couldn't see. "That means a lot, Edward. Thank you. And I bet you get people telling you everyday how handsome you are, but you look really good. Really."

He squeezed me tighter. "Means more coming from you."

I pulled back after a moment and smiled up at him. "Ready to go back?"

He hesitated. "Don't we have a few more things to discuss?"

I frowned. He wanted to talk about his behaviour the day before, but I knew I was just emotionally drained for the day. "Not today. Please? I don't want to ruin this. But we'll get to it. I promise."

He nodded and led me back downstairs. Our friends were sitting at our table, seeming quite anxious. I smiled at Alice and Rose as we made our way toward them, letting them know it was okay. We sat down and thankfully no one asked about what had gone on.

Edward relaxed a bit as well and his arm rested on the back of my chair easily. I smiled to myself, glad that nothing had changed.

I noticed Tanya chatting with some friends a ways away, but she kept sneaking furtive glances at Edward. I nudged him and nodded toward Tanya inconspicuously.

"Looks like someone's interested," I pointed out.

Edward looked over. "Tanya? Yeah she's pretty cute and nice," he replied nonchalantly.

"Why don't you ask her to dance or something?" I suggested, knowing how desperate Tanya was for his attention.

He seemed puzzled. "You don't mind?"

I shrugged. "Why would my feelings matter anyway?"

"Bella, you know how much your feelings matter to me." He looked serious and I felt a little bad about my words.

"And I feel fine about this. Go talk to her. I know she would love it." I smiled at him reassuringly and he got up slowly and walked over to Tanya. Her face brightened when she saw him and she was beaming.

"You're really okay with this?" Alice leaned over to ask me.

I shrugged again. "I just want to be his friend right now so I kind of have to be... Plus look at how happy Tanya is." A slow song had come on again and Tanya was positively euphoric as he spun her around. Her joy seemed to be infectious and a tiny smile graced Edward's lips.

"You'd make him happier," Rosalie said quietly.

I turned away from the scene and stared at the table. "I can't think about that right now. There are still things that I need to work out. That we both do."

My eyes wandered back to the couple dancing in front of me. I was confused. There were so many mixed emotions going through my mind.

I didn't know what to think or even when to catch my breath. Things were so upside down and wrong.

"He won't wait forever you know," Alice told me.

I watched Edward's smile become more pronounced as he danced with Tanya.

"I know."

**Hope you liked. Maybe next chapter won't take so long if I get some motivation from reviews!**

**Check out my new story if you like as well**

**~Kara**


	11. Boundaries

**Hi... Yeah so I've actually had this chapter done for a while. I just didn't get around to posting it. Bad, I know. Enjoy anyway :)**

**Not Mine Unfortunately.**

* * *

**Wicked - Idina Menzel - I'm Not That Girl**

**(LOVE THIS SHOW BY THE WAY. AMAZING)**

_Hands touch, eyes meet_

_Sudden silence, sudden heat_

_Hearts leap in a giddy whirl_

_He could be that boy_

_But I'm not that girl_

* * *

Bella POV

"What are you doing for the holidays, Bella?" Jasper asked as we all sat in the lounge.

"Um, I'm not really sure yet," I replied. "I really want to go back to Phoenix, but my mom and stepdad can't afford to fly me in right now."

"What about your dad?" Edward asked. He sat beside me, but was quite stiff and awkward. Normally, he would've had an arm on the back of the couch behind me or maybe our legs would've been touching in some way. Ever since the dance, though, he had been spending more time with Tanya. They weren't exactly dating, but their budding relationship was causing some unease between us.

"I was thinking about that, but he'll most likely be working the entire time I visit. It would be the same as staying alone in a hotel somewhere." I looked down at my intertwined fingers. It was extremely depressing to realize that I would probably be spending Christmas alone. I was contemplating asking Charlie to pay for a trip to Phoenix, but I knew he'd be upset and hurt that I didn't want to see him even though I'd hardly see him if I was there anyway.

"That kinda sucks, Bells," Mason said across from me.

I shrugged. "I'm used to it. I've had to grow up with it so I could have the life I'm living."

"Yeah, but you've had a shitty life," Emmett commented.

Rosalie cuffed over the back of the head, cursing and caking him an idiot. He flinched and mumbled out an apology to me.

"It's okay. It's true. I don't really care anymore. I'm happy right now so that's all that matters."

Alice, curled up beside Jasper, was surprisingly quiet. I knew something was up. "Alice, you have that look on your face."

She looked up at me, shocked. "What look?"

"You know, that look. The one that says, 'I'm about to do something that I won't let you refuse.' I hate that look," I told her.

She blushed, looking slightly embarrassed. "Well, I was thinking of asking you something."

I didn't hold back my frown. "What?"

"Well, I was just thinking that maybe you could spend Christmas with us. We have that house in the city and our parents are coming in..."

"Hey that's a good idea, Ali," Edward commented. Mason shot him a look that I didn't understand. Edward ignored him.

"I don't know, you guys," I said unsure. "I really don't want to impose. And I really don't want to make your parents feel obligated to have me stay."

"Nonsense Bella," Rosalie said with a dismissive wave. "Carlisle and Esme are the nicest people I know. They'd gladly say yes in a heartbeat."

"And I know they're just dying to meet you," Alice cut in. "So you have to come."

"We'll see," I said. I looked at Edward who was grinning at me. "What are you smiling at, Romeo?" I shot.

His smile faltered, then fell from his face. "N-nothing. I just thought you coming would be really f-fun..."

"Right," I said, standing up. "I'm gonna get some water."

"Ooh, get me one too!" Alice exclaimed.

"Me too!" added Rose.

"I'll have a Coke if you're already going," Jasper said.

I tapped my foot impatiently. "Will that be all?"

Emmett bit his lip in thought. "If I order nachos, will anyone else have some?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not gonna happen."

I quickly got our drinks, cursing under my breath as I tried to juggle them all. Walking past the hall that led to the elevator, I heard a harsh conversation; two very familiar voices were arguing. I stopped to see if anyone across the room where our group was sitting was looking my way. They weren't and I noticed Edward and Mason were missing.

"I knew you couldn't help yourself. I just knew you'd never have self control," I heard Mason's frustrated voice say.

"I told you before, it's my business. I know what I'm doing. Stay out of it," Edward replied with just as much venom.

"I can't when you're about to royally fuck things up."

"What are you talking about?" Edward said, obviously annoyed.

"Either make a decision about your relationship with Tanya or stop blurring the lines with Bella. You're just gonna hurt her and she doesn't deserve it. You know that."

I watched as Mason came out of the hall and went back toward the rest of our friends, thankfully not noticing me. Edward followed a moment after and I waited a few seconds before coming along behind them.

I set down everybody's things and sat down slightly farther from Edward than before. His expression was one of anger, but when he looked at me, he seemed to be in pain. I hated seeing him like that.

Everyone else was busy with discussing holiday plans so I took out my phone and typed a quick message.

**Please don't fight about me.**

I hit send and seconds later, Edward's phone vibrated. He shot me a suspicious glance before reading the message. I watched his face fall a bit, but he responded quickly.

**So you heard... I'm sorry.**

**I don't want to see you lose your best friend because of me. I'm not worth it.**

He stared at me after reading the text. His deep green eyes probed mine and I felt my heart pick up in speed.

"Either way I'm losing a best friend. You or him," he said softly, his velvet voice breaking slightly.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I argued. "We need to set proper boundaries on our relationship anyway. I'm your friend. That's it. You don't have to make a hard choice."

He nodded slowly and turned his attention away from me. I bit my lip and chanced one more long look over every one of his glorious features before locking away all my feelings for however long we needed.

"So Bella, Rose and I are wearing Emmett and Jasper's other jerseys for the game tonight," Alice whispered to me as I worked on trying to fill one more page of my sketch book. "You should wear Edward's."

It was the first home game of the basketball season and I could actually feel the spirit and excitement in the air. Though I hadn't been here last year, I learned that basketball was extremely important at River Heights and probably their most celebrated sport. The school had been completely decorated with white and royal blue, our school colours. There were blue and white streamers, posters, balloons... people. It was strange.

Since the guys had two sets of jerseys, one for home and one for away games, the girls thought it would be fun to wear their other jerseys to the game.

I glanced at Edward next to me who was trying to work on yet hide the sheet music he was writing out at the moment. His unruly hair flopped over his right eye and his tongue peeked out ever so slightly from between his smooth lips. He looked utterly adorable.  
_  
__Wait. No, no, no._

_My friend. Only my friend._

"I don't think that would be a good idea. Plus, Tanya will probably want to wear it anyway."

She pulled a face at Tanya's name and I sighed, a little frustrated. "Look, I know you're not a fan of Tanya, but she's in his life now so you'll just have to deal with it," I half-hissed at her.

"I have nothing against Tanya," she replied shortly. "I just don't think they're right for each other. I mean you and Edward are just so per-"

"Stop Alice," I said louder than I had intended to. Edward's head shot up and his face was concerned when he looked at me. I quickly shook my head at him with a small smile before returning to my hushed conversation with Alice. "We both have too many issues. It would never work. And you're acting like he's going to be with this girl forever. We're in high school. You know, there is a possibility that you won't find the person you want to spend your life with at seventeen," I finished in a bitter tone. She was so blind about love. Just because the right guy for her was always right in front of her, didn't mean it was that simple for everyone.

She looked me straight in the eye. I suddenly felt smaller than her. "Yes, and there's also the possibility that you're letting the right person just slip away."

I ended the conversation by turning back to my work. From the corner of my eye, I saw her shake her head.

"By the way," she whispered. "I asked my parents and they'd love to have you for Christmas, if you're interested."

I didn't answer.

Classes flew by and all too soon, it was lunch, my least favourite time of the day.

I walked in the cafeteria with Mason as always. Even though it had been going on for a few days now, it still bothered me to see Tanya sitting in my seat, with Edward's arm flung over the back of her chair like it had always been over mine.

Our lunch table had become crowded lately with the addition of Jessica and Tanya sitting with us now. And even though Edward and Tanya hadn't yet become entirely exclusive, in reality, I was the only really single person sitting there. Everyone else was comfortably snuggled up to their significant others while I huddled in on myself, feeling alone and ultimately unwanted.  
_  
__You brought this on yourself_, I chanted in my head. _He wanted you and you turned him down. This is your own doing.__  
_  
I picked at my food and waited for the bell to ring.

Biology wasn't any easier. We were working on another lab and the conversation between Edward and I was incredibly awkward and forced. By gym I had realized it was just easier to ignore him completely.

Mason and Edward stayed behind after school to begin warming up for the game. As I left school, Alice and Rose ran up on either side of me, causing me to jump and drop my books.

"So Alice and I have come up with a solution for what you're gonna wear for the game," Rosalie said after they finished laughing.

I gathered my books and continued walking with them. "Seriously, can't I just wear this?"

Alice looked as if she had just watched me kick a three-legged puppy off a bridge. "No, you can't just wear that! This is a big deal and if you show up without any Kodiaks gear, you could be shunned for the rest of the school year."

Both of them grabbed me roughly by the arms and literally dragged me back to our dorm. Rosalie shoved me down on the couch while Alice skipped off to her room. Rose gave me a death glare and I didn't dare to move.

She ran off and I heard them talking, fabric being ripped and cut. I cringed at the thought of what they might be putting me into. I waited for around 15 minutes, watching TV to pass the time.

"Bella!" Alice sang as she danced back over to me. "We have your outfit!"

Rosalie held up a pair of white shorts and dark blue leggings. I frowned and my eyes wandered over to what Alice was holding. I was horrified.

It was a royal blue, very tight looking, very deep v-neck with 'Kodiaks' printed across the front. At both sides, large wedges of fabric had been cut out to show skin.

"I thought this was a basketball game, not the porn star awards," I said, completely taken aback.

"Nonsense Bella," Alice said, waving me off nonchalantly. "This is perfect for school spirit."

"And I'm sure the attire at the porn star awards would be much more formal, yet a lot less fabric," Rosalie added, grinning.

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, I really don't think this is appropriate..."

"Bella, when you come to the game dressed like this, you'll look like a nun compared to the rest of the girls. Trust me," Alice said.

I groaned. "Why do you do this to me?"

I snatched the outfit from them angrily and took it to my room. I looked at it once more before sighing and slipping it on. I was afraid to look once I had it on. I chanced a peek through squinted eyes.

It was... well... it wasn't awful.

My face burned at the prospect of wearing this out in public, but it did look kind of good.

"Hot," Rosalie stated.

I whirled around in shock. "You could at least knock!"

"We're all girls, Bella," she said simply. Alice skipped in behind her, her eyes alight with curiosity.

"It's perfect!" Alice squealed, absolutely delighted.

"Yeah, if I'm working the night shift downtown," I shot back.

"Oh, hush up," she said, waving me off again. "It looks good. You just need some finishing touches."

They sat me down and Rosalie began pulling my hair up while Alice mixed some black goop with her finger.

I gave her an odd look. "War paint? Really?"

"Shut up. It's cute," she said before wiping it along my cheeks.

Rose had pulled my hair up into a high ponytail with a blue and white ribbon. They scampered off to go get themselves ready and I threw myself on my bed.

"Didn't think it would take an hour and a half to get ready for a basketball game," I muttered to myself.

"Ok, Bella!" Alice shouted about ten minutes later. "We're ready!"

"Now get your ass out here so we can go!" Rose chimed in.

I took one last look in the mirror and started to leave. Something caught my eye and I looked again, turning to see what had caused me to stop. On the back of my shirt the number 14 - Edward's number - had been printed across. I shook my head.

"Edward's number?" I said as we left our dorm. "Was that really necessary? I mean, Tanya's already worried enough about my relationship with him as it is. Are you trying to torture her?"

Alice at least looked guilty. "We didn't think it was that big of a deal..."

"Plus," Rosalie cut in, "who really cares about that annoying thing anyway? The way she drools over Edward is disgraceful."

"I care," I said angrily.

"No you don't," Rose argued. "Face it Bella, you wish she was out of the picture just as much as we do."

"If that was true, then why would I have gotten them together in the first place?" I retorted.

"Because you're afraid." She had stopped walking and I whirled around to face her. "And you have every right to be. Relationships are fucking scary. You don't know if it's going to last a week, a month or a lifetime. And when it's someone you really care about, you're so afraid that you're going to screw things up that you let go of one of the best things that ever happened to you."

"You don't know what you're talking about." I left them behind and continued on my way to the game.

"You're being selfish," she called, catching up to me with Alice right on her heels. "You don't want a relationship because you're afraid of it not working and losing him. So you're keeping him at a distance to still have him."

"Both of you are hurting Bella," Alice said quietly.

"And you're slowly losing him."

"I can't talk about this anymore," I said quickly. I was afraid I was going to burst into tears right there. "I came here for a basketball game, not a therapy session."

"It's a two-for-one special today," Rosalie said, putting an arm around my shoulder and giving it a squeeze. "I'm fucking freezing by the way, so let's hurry up."

I laughed, realizing we were all standing there in our ridiculous short shorts and leggings, having a deep conversation while freezing our asses off.

We ran the rest of the way to the gym and got there just in time for the beginning of the game. We found a good spot in the bleachers and the Alice and Rose waved to get their boyfriends' attention. As they took positions on the court, Edward glanced up and caught my eye. He smiled and returned his attention to his team.

I looked around the gym and realized that Rosalie and Alice were right. The outfits some of the girls were wearing to show 'school spirit' were horrifying. I didn't think there was enough fabric to even call it clothing anymore.

The guys had gone on and on about how important this game was. Both teams were undefeated and this was the first time the rival schools were facing each other. Personally, I thought the whole thing was a bit ridiculous, but to voice such an opinion would be social suicide, according to Alice.

As soon as the game started, it was insane. Every point scored earned a massive cheer from one side of the bleachers or the other.

I found it to be somewhat entrancing watching Edward on the court. He darted around like lightning, stealing the ball whenever the slightest opportunity arose. He was graceful on his feet and the way he led the team without needing to say a word was incredible. They knew exactly what he wanted them to do from just a look. I watched on in awe.

The rest of the team was great as well. The tall and menacing players like Jacob and Emmett were a huge asset while players like Jasper and Tyler were fast and agile. No one seemed to be able to keep up with them. Edward and Mason were the all-around players who, I knew from experience played as if they were one unit.

Then there was scumbag Mike Newton who I had to admit was still a good player and a couple other guys I was unfamiliar with, but equally talented.

The other team was just as good and they put up a fight. Just when you thought, we had the upper hand, they'd somehow get the ball and continuously score. It was frustrating and I had never been so edgy when it came to a school sport.

The other team was up by two and they had the ball. In the last seconds of the game, it seemed that there was no chance for the Kodiaks. Alice and Rose were screaming on either side of me. It scared me how much they were into the game.

The point guard for the other team brought the ball up slowly. The shot clock was running out and I knew that he'd score again if given the chance.

I watched Edward carefully, trying to see what his next move would be. He turned his head slightly to the right and Mason moved up, leaving his check and setting the play in motion.

Edward cut back and up in a U-shape and Mason sprinted for the point guard. The posts ran across in an X as Mason stole the ball and headed back up the court. The crowd exploded as Mason did a lay-up and easily scored.

The other team got the ball again and the point guard moved up carefully this time, making sure no one got the ball. Edward was on him quickly, but the guy cut around Edward, leaving him scrambling.

The rest of the team was covered and there was no room to move in so he went up for the shot. Everyone held their breath as the ball made an arc toward the basket. It bounced off the rim looking as if it would come down again and get in.

It was just slightly off and fell into Emmett's waiting hands. He whipped it hard to Edward who was speeding like a bullet to the opposite end of the court. Edward caught the ball and neatly tossed it in the hoop in the same jump. The crowd exploded and rushed the court.

It was pure madness as Alice and Rosalie pulled me down the bleachers at lightning speed. I didn't even have time to fear falling down them. They pulled me along until they got to Emmett and Jasper who grabbed up the girls, kissing them enthusiastically.

I stood awkwardly for a moment until a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist and spun me around. Knowing it was Edward, I laughed and slapped his arms. The jolt I was feeling when his skin touched mine was like nothing I had ever felt before. Finally, he put me down again.

I spun around to face him and he smiled and winked at me. "Thanks for coming. Love the outfit by the way," he said in his deep velvety voice before running off and leaving me blushing and flustered.

But I saw him run up to Tanya and hug and kiss her. All those fluttery, happy feelings went away just as quickly as they came on.

He has a girlfriend, get over it, I scolded myself.

Mason came up with his arm around Jessica. I held polite conversation, but hated being the only one around who didn't look so god damn happy because they were in a relationship.

You wanted this, I reminded myself angrily. Stop blaming others for your inability to be a stable person.

I felt like crying in that moment, but held it back as Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rosalie, Edward and Tanya came up to join the conversation. They were all chatting, thinking of going out to celebrate when the point guard from the other team came up with a sleazy smile.

"Nice game, guys," he said before turning his creepy expression toward me. "Hey there, beautiful."

I crossed my arms in an annoyed matter. "Hey."

"Couldn't help but notice you in the crowd," he began.

"Uh-huh," I said absently, looking at my nails.

"And I couldn't help but figure that you'd look great wearing my number." He grinned at me and I heard Emmett snicker.

"That's great and all, but puke green? That's not really my colour."

He seemed taken aback by my answer. "Wow, usually the pretty ones aren't so cold."

"I'm actually a lovely person," I responded, smiling sweetly.

"Well maybe I can get to know this lovely personality over dinner some time."

"I'm busy," I replied.

"I didn't tell you a day," he said, slightly confused.

"Yes, well I'll be busy every time."

Emmett laughed loudly. The rest of them were trying not to be so obvious, but they weren't succeeding.

"Now run along so you can hit on the next thing you see with a pulse," Edward added.

"Fuck off, Cullen," he spat before storming off.

"Nice chatting with you!" I called after him.

Everyone started laughing and Emmett smacked me on the back. The force of it knocked me off balance. I was caught before I could topple over, but it wasn't by who I expected.

I looked up and Jacob was grinning down at me. "Still clumsy as ever, eh Tiny?"

I blushed. "Shut up... and thanks," I added grudgingly.

"Watch yourself next time. I won't always be around to catch you," he called before jogging away.

I turned around and saw that Edward's arm was outstretched toward me. I realised that he was about to catch me when I fell, but Jacob had beat him to it. His hand dropped back to his side.

"Sorry about that, Bells," Emmett said, but he really didn't seem apologetic.

"Sure Em," I answered.

It was still pretty noisy and crowded in there and everyone seemed to be getting tired of it.

"The Hole?" Edward suggested.

They all agreed and started to leave. I kind of fell behind and Rosalie and Alice turned to see what was wrong.

"Look, I'm probably just going to head home. I'm kind of starting to feel a little out of place."

"Aw, Bells don't be like that," Alice whined. "It's not like we're going to be all couple-y around you. Rose and I won't even sit with the boys."

"No that's okay," I replied. "I'd rather just go home. I have homework still and I don't want to be up too late."

"Suit yourself, Grandma," Rose snorted before walking off with Alice.

I sighed and quickly headed back to my dorm, going around a different way so as not to have to walk with that group anymore.

I jogged all the way there because I was frozen in my stupid, little outfit with just a jacket covering me.

Once I got in, I headed straight for a shower. The warm water was relaxing and it soothed me. The pains in my muscles seemed to wash away, but the ache in my chest remained.

Lately, I'd been feeling so conflicted and stressed. By doing the right thing and letting Edward go, I thought I would feel so much better. I thought I'd feel free.

Instead, all I felt was pain, sadness and confusion. I had finally gotten to the point where I was truly happy and it all gets thrown away because of some guy I just couldn't stay away from.

_Why am I so stupid?_

Once I got out of the shower and dressed, I grabbed some leftover Chinese food from the night before and went to do some homework.

Almost immediately, my mind began to wander. And no matter what I thought of, it always tied back to Edward.

I couldn't shake him from my mind. The boundaries we had set were already painful. I couldn't keep up the facade.

Without thinking, I dialed my mother and waited impatiently for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" my mother spoke softly.

I cringed, hoping it would have been Phil to answer. "Hi Mom. It's Bella."

"Hi, sweetie. How are you?" She seemed surprisingly happy to be speaking with me.

"I'm... I'm good, Mom. How are you?"

"Busy as ever," she laughed. I had to pause for a moment. It was difficult to grasp that this was the same woman who hardly ever spoke to me anymore.

"Oh, well I hope you get some time to rest. So, I spoke with Phil a while ago and it looks like I'm not coming in for Christmas?"

"I'm so sorry, honey. Things are just a little tight right now. I don't think it's going to work."

I masked my disappointment with a bright, fake tone. "It's fine. No worries."

"I've spoken to your father and he said he'd be happy for you to stay with him. I'm just not sure how much he'll be around because he started a new project..."

"Well there's another option," I blurted. I smacked my forehead, screaming at myself for saying anything.

"And what's that?" she asked curiously.

I kept smacking my forehead as I continued. No backing out now. "Well my roommate's family actually has a house here in Chicago. They invited me to stay with them for the break."

"Who is going to be there?" she questioned.

"Alice Cullen and her brother, Emmett," I began. "Their cousin Edward and their good friends, Rosalie Hale and Jasper Whitlock."

"Will there be adult supervision?"

"Of course, Mom. And they're all really good kids."

"I bet they are. I've never known you to hang around any bad eggs. Such a good girl," she said warmly.

"So what do you think?"

The line was silent for a while. "Well, it's better being alone during the holidays," she said reluctantly.

"It's not a big deal," I said, backtracking. "I don't need to go."

She sighed. "I want you to have a good Christmas, Bella. At this point, your father and I can't really provide that for you. It's really alright with me for you to stay with them. Talk to your father when you get the chance and see what he has to say."

A part of me was cheering while another part of me wanted to strangle my celebrating part.

_This doesn't mean you can throw away the boundaries you've set with him. If anything, you'll have to be stricter!_

"Okay. Thanks Mom. Could you tell the kids? I don't think I can," I said quietly, my eyes watering.

"Of course, Bella. I'm sure they'll understand."

I knew they wouldn't. They'd feel abandoned.

"Right. I'll talk to you later then."

"Alright. Love you," she said, her voice sounding strained.

"Love you too," I responded quickly in a monotone voice. "Bye."

I hung up and sat up, wrapping my arms around my knees. I wasn't sure how I was feeling about talking to my father. Knowing he'd do anything to please me, he'd say yes. It didn't feel right to be excited, but I couldn't help but feel it a little.

"Oh, hey ma bitch!" Rose shouted as the door swung open. She and Alice broke into fits of giggles.

I stared at them, my eyes wide. "Are you two drunk?"

"Naw, bitch. It's just an after-game high. You'd be experiencing one too if you weren't such a lil' bitch," Rosalie half-yelled, throwing herself on the couch next to me.

"Great. Now can you please stop calling me a bitch?"

"Sure... Bitch." And the laughter started again.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm slightly concerned for your sanity at this point," I told them. They ignored me and continued laughing.

"Sorry, sorry," Alice said after they had calmed down some. "We get sort of crazy after games."

"You don't say," I muttered.

"You still shoulda come," Rosalie said seriously.

"I just wasn't feeling up to it. I had to call home anyway. Oh, and you'll be happy to know that my mother is okay with me staying with you."

Alice squealed and clapped her hands. "Yes! This will be so fun!"

Apparently I didn't look too happy because Rosalie smacked me. Hard.

"Okay, Debbie Downer, let's not look so excited," she ranted sarcastically.

"Rose, what th-"

"Don't you 'Rose' me," she fumed, cutting me off. "Could you just, for about five minutes, jump off the emo kid train and let yourself into the real world? I mean, come on, Bella! Every day you look like someone just ran over your heart with a steamroller and killed your dog! You don't even act like a real person anymore. You mope around, crying over a relationship you fucked up and are too chickenshit to fix! Either do something about it or move on! Stop being so goddamn, fucking depressing!"

"Fuck off," I said, storming off to my room.

"Nice going," I heard Alice say to Rosalie.

I slammed the door and let myself cry for a moment, feeling the sting of every word sink in. It wasn't the attack at me that had been upsetting. It was that every harsh, blunt word was one hundred percent true.

I let the tears stream for a very long time. When my phone buzzed in my pocket, I jumped.

I scrambled to check it and saw that it was a text from Edward.

**Missed you after the game :(**

I frowned.

**Yeah. I had stuff to do. Sorry.**

His reply was quick.

**What kind of stuff?**

**Calls to make. Figuring out Christmas plans.****  
**  
**And?**

I was becoming annoyed at his eagerness.

**Got room for one more at the Cullen household?**

**For you? Always.**

I was pissed now. He wasn't making this any easier. I dialled his number and waited for him to pick up.

"Bella?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah. Could you stop that please?" I snapped into the phone.

"Care to clue me in here? Stop what, babe?"

"That," I yelled. "Stop with the names and the romantic little remarks. They're not for me! We talked about this boundary thing before. You have someone in your life that you can say those things to. But it's not me. So just stop."

He was quiet. "Alright... And may I ask why you're freaking out like this? We are both capable of normal adult conversation."

"I had to realise some things today, Edward. And I'm just not doing well. I'm sorry. I've gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye Bella. I-"

I hung up the phone and dropped my head into my hands. I heard a knock on the door and looked up to see Rosalie peeking her head in.

"Hey," she said, unsure.

"Hey."

She sighed, looking uncomfortable. "Look, I'm sorry about what I said. It was out of line."

"No, no, Rose. You were right. Really right. And I know what I have to do know. So thank you." I smiled at her and she stared at me before slowly nodding and leaving the room.

My phone buzzed again and I saw it was another text from Edward.

**I miss you.**

I almost burst into tears again.

I knew exactly what I needed to do.

It was time to move on.

* * *

_Blithe smile, lithe limb_

_She's who's winsome_

_She wins him_

_Gold hair with a gentle curl_

_That's the girl he chose and heaven knows_

_I'm not that girl_

* * *

**Hope you liked. Next chap is complete so it will be up soon!**

**~REVIEW!**


	12. Moving On

**Totes magoates did not mean to take so long with this update. Chapter has been done since before last update, but stupid laptop died and had to wait to get a new one. Sorry but enjoy anyway!**

**Oh and hope that whoever's gone to see Breaking Dawn Part 1 enjoyed it!**

NEVER SHALL BE MINE!

* * *

**Kris Allen - Can't Stay Away From You**

_You break me down every time you make a move  
Without a sound, girl you make me come unglued  
And I don't know what you did to me  
And I don't care what the doctors say_

_Cause no matter what you do_  
_I can't stay away from you, oh, oh_  
_I can't stay away from you_

* * *

**Bella POV**

I sat cross-legged in the center of my bed with my phone at my ear. I gnawed anxiously at my lip as I spoke with my father.

"Are you sure it's okay, Dad? I mean I don't have to go. I can spend Christmas with you."

"Bells, it's alright. I'll be fine. I'll hardly be home anyway and I don't want you feeling lonely during the holidays. Stay and have fun with your friends. Carlisle and Esme sound like lovely people and I'm sure you'll have a great time."

"Yes, but I don't want to leave you-"

"Bella," he said firmly. "Stop worrying. Let yourself have fun for once."

I sighed. "Thanks Dad. You'll still call though, right?"

"Of course. And I'll be sending your gift to the house." I could hear the smile in his voice.

I frowned. "You didn't need to get me anything..."

"Yes I did. I'm your father," he replied. "And I know you'll really like this gift so no arguing." There was something odd in the way he said that, but I didn't pay much attention.

"Fine," I said glumly.

"Alright, I've gotta go now. Love you, kiddo."

"L-love you too, Dad." No matter how many times I said it, the words never seemed to get easier.

He hung up and I put my phone next to me. I worked a little on a math assignment due after the break before getting ready to meet everybody for dinner.

I brushed my hair out and threw on my jacket, not bothering to do any more with myself. Putting my hood up against the wind, I started walking to the small pizzeria we were all meeting up at.

When I got in, I looked around and spotted a mess of auburn hair, telling me that Edward had already gotten us a table. Also noticing that he was the only one there, I steeled myself for the awkwardness that was sure to come.

"Hey," I said, sliding into the U-shaped booth. He looked up from his menu and smiled politely.

"Hi. Anybody else here yet?"

I took off my coat and took a longer amount of time than needed to place it next to me. "Nope, just me."

"I see."

I drummed my finger on the table, trying to think of something to say that would fill the awkward lull of conversation. Luckily, our waiter came over to get our drink orders. He was desperately trying to flirt with me for some reason, but I made no attempt to show I was interested. As he left, Edward gave him a cold look and my heart fluttered at the thought of that bothering him.

_Stop it_, I chastised myself silently. _You don't get to feel that. You're moving on._

"So..." Edward began, "have you made up your mind about staying with us for the break?"

I nodded, thankful for the topic. "Yup. Looks like I'll be spending Christmas with the Cullens."

He smiled. "It does tend to get crazy in that house, though. Jasper's and Rosalie's parents are coming in so it'll be busy. But it always smells great in there. They're always cooking something." Suddenly, he looked slightly discouraged. "But they have that stupid 'look don't touch' rule."

I laughed. "I'm sure that must just kill you three guys."

His eyes twinkled mischievously. "Well, it took a while, but we have a fool-proof way of getting to the food without anyone ever getting suspicious. If you take just one of everything, no one is any the wiser."

I shook my head, but couldn't keep the smile off my face. "Only you, Edward. Only you would do a B&E on your own kitchen. I can just imagine you, Jasper and Emmett staying up until three in the morning, making floor plans and whispering your plots to each other."

He chuckled, but his laughter was cut short when he looked at something over my shoulder. He swallowed. "Hi Tanya."

Tanya stood at the end of the table smiling tightly at us both. "Hello Edward. Bella," she acknowledged me with a short nod. The sudden change in the mood was staggering.

"Hi Tanya," I said with a smile, desperately trying to lighten the mood. "I didn't realize you were coming."

She slid in beside Edward, but kept a small distance between them. "Yes, well it seems Edward has failed to share a couple of things then." She looked at him accusingly. "I didn't know Bella would be spending the the break with your family."

"You see, Bella has a complicated family situation right now and we're just trying to help her out," he tried to explain.

I shot him a look, slightly offended. "I'm not a charity case, Edward." I turned my attention to Tanya, ignoring his bumbling ass. "The truth is my mother and stepfather live in Pheonix and I'm not able to fly in at the moment. My father is extremely busy with a project he's doing for work and would rather me spend Christmas with my friends than at his house were I'd be alone for a majority of the time."

She sat back, crossing her arms with a slight frown on her face. "I see. I guess it's nice to know what's going on. I'm sure you'll have a great time."

Even though I was annoyed at him, I tried to keep the blame off Edward. "Yes, well I wasn't planning to stay with them, but Alice and Rosalie have been begging me to. And everyone knows how persistent those two are. They always get what they want."

She finally cracked a small smile. "Yes, I'm familiar with their methods of persuasion."

Edward sat there, smiling nervously. He ran a hand through his hair and pulled at it.

The conversation died down then and it was terribly uncomfortable. I discreetly pulled out my phone and typed a mass text to Emmett, Jasper, Mason, Alice and Rosalie.

**Hurry up and get your asses down here! Me, Edward and Tanya... You do the math. JUST HURRY UP!**

"So, Tanya," I said with a smile, "what are your plans for the holidays?"

"I'm going to Florida with my family."

"Ooh, warm. I like it."

"Yes, well we do it every year though I'd much rather be in Paris or Venice."

"I see."

There was nothing to say again and I braced myself for another uncomfortable moment. I looked to Edward who seemed almost sick. Then, his face lit up at something over my shoulder and I heard the voices of the rest of our friends coming behind me. I grinned when I saw them and then shot each of them an angry, "what took you so long?" look.

Emmett grinned at me, a wicked look in his eyes. I glared at him and he barked a laugh.

They all slid into my side of the booth, pushing me down and around it until I was right beside Edward. My face turned completely red when I saw Tanya's slightly horrified face. I tried to slide away, but with Emmett's giant body on my other side, there wasn't much room anyway.

After the initial awkwardness, it wasn't all that bad. The guys were able to crack a few jokes that even made Tanya loosen up. I could feel the relief rolling off of Edward in waves.

We ordered our food and the waiter kept making eyes at me. It was on the verge of creepy now.

Emmett looked as if he was about to burst and Edward seemed to be struggling to stay indifferent. I smiled to myself, but then beat myself down again for the satisfaction.

"Jeez Bella, you attract creeps like nothing I've ever seen before," Jasper said with a laugh.

"It's a talent of mine," I replied sarcastically. Emmett laughed and punched my shoulder, earning a yelp of pain. I pouted and rubbed the sore spot while he chuckled again.

Alice sat up and cleared her throat. "So, Bella, I've gotten gifts for everyone else except you. What do you want for Christmas?"

"Nothing, Alice. You know that I don't like getting things."

"Well that's not fair, Bells," Edward argued. "We still wanna get you something." Tanya cleared her throat and Edward smiled meekly at her.

"Come on, whaddaya want?" Emmett asked impatiently.

"Nothing, okay?"

Before they could argue, the waiter came round again for drink refills. He winked at me before leaving again.

"...On second thought," I began, completely repulsed, "get me a bodyguard."

They laughed and Edward put a hand on my knee. After realizing what he'd done, I tensed. His eyes widened in realization and his hand shot back as if I were poisonous.

I looked around the table to see if anyone noticed. I didn't get any indication until my eyes fell on Tanya. She was fuming.

"Can I get out please?" I asked motioning to Tanya and Edward. They got up and I slid out quickly and headed to the bathrooms. I stood around for a while, washed my hands three times and looked at myself in the mirror.

I really looked like I needed a vacation.

When I came back out, our food was just being set down. Instead of returning to my original seat, I sat down beside Mason who was the last one seated at the booth.

He smiled and made room for me before shooting a menacing glance to the waiter as he looked me over again. I chuckled under my breath.

Everyone was having their own conversations as we ate and Edward was desperately trying to get Tanya to say more than two words to him.

"How've you been lately, Bella?" Mason asked as he ripped apart pieces of pizza and popped them into his mouth. "I feel like we never talk anymore."

"Mason, I see you every day. We talk all the time."

"Yeah, but we haven't had a real talk since... well, for a long time."

"That's true." I paused. He motioned for me to continue on, obviously wanting me to answer his earlier question. "I'm fine I guess. I mean, I'm a little bummed that I don't get to see my family for the holidays. I was really hoping to get back to Phoenix for Christmas, but whatever. Maybe Spring Break or something."

"I'm sure it'll all turn out fine." His smile was warm.

"At least call me later," Edward said to Tanya while we got ready to leave the restaurant.

"Fine. Bye, Edward. I had a great time. Thanks everyone," she answered quickly with a wave before leaving.

"She's lying," Mason whispered to me. I snickered, but secretly felt bad for Edward's misfortune.

"So do you guys wanna come over to our place to hang out?" Jasper offered.

"I can't," I answered sheepishly. "Haven't even started packing yet."

"Bella!" Rosalie was outraged. "We leave tomorrow!"

"I know, I know," I said, putting my hands up innocently. "I'm getting to it."

"Getting to it," she muttered to herself, shaking her head.

"Simple solution," Edward said. "We go to your place."

"We always host," I complained.

"Shush Bella. That's a good thing," Alice said smugly. "That means we're better."

"Better my ass," Emmett shot back.

"Em, everything's better than your ass," Jasper responded.

"I bet Rosie here would beg to differ," Emmett said, grinning hugely. "Tell 'em Rosie."

"Idiot," she said sourly.

"Well, I've gotta go," Mason said. "And I probably won't see you tomorrow so have a good vacation and shit."

He gave manly hugs to the guys and quick ones to Alice and Rose. When he came over to me last, he winked before leaning down and giving me a long hug. I peeked over his shoulder and saw Edward clenching his fists. Mason released me and kissed my cheek before passing Edward with a grin. My face was red, as always.

"You have a girlfriend," Edward hissed to him, attempting yet failing to be somewhat quiet.

Mason smiled cheekily. "So do you." He cocked an eyebrow, daring Edward to respond. After a short silence, he laughed and with a final wave, left.

**Edward POV**

That asshole. He was lucky Jessica had left on vacation already.

I looked at Bella who was blushing adorably and that calmed me down a little bit.

I hated the way we were sacrificing our friendship. I couldn't even hug her or touch her in a way that friends should be able to do. We barely knew each other now and I couldn't stand it. I didn't want my relationship with Tanya to compromise our friendship anymore.

We walked to the girls' dorm and began talking about the upcoming vacation.

"So," Bella said as she took off her jacket and sat down on the couch, "Edward told me a little about what to expect tomorrow. Anything else I should know?"

"Well, our dad is going to think you are a stand up young lady and a role model our mother is going to love you the second she sees you," Alice responded as she snuggled into Jasper's chest. I smiled and nodded in agreement, knowing how Carlisle and Esme were.

"My parents will probably greet you and chat politely for a few minutes, but ultimately ignore you for the rest of the time," Jasper said, frowning.

"That's... comforting," Bella replied, her face sour.

"My mother will tell my father how beautiful you could be with a little work. And my father will reply with, 'just leave the girl alone. She's not your daughter,'" Rosalie told her.

"Wow, you guys. Way to make me feel excited about this," she said sarcastically.

"You'll be fine," I said. "You'll have all of us and we'll make sure it's unforgettable."

She seemed to take comfort in that and smiled softly.

"Oh, and you'll get really fat," Emmett added.

She seemed to think he was joking and laughed. When she realized no one else was, she seemed alarmed.

"The food's really good," Emmett said seriously, his eyes wide.

She looked to me and I just shrugged at her, smiling.

I woke up the next morning feeling uncomfortable and sore. I realized then that I had fallen asleep at the girls' place while sitting on the couch. I blinked and tried to rub my eyes.

My left hand was stuck under something soft and warm and I looked over to see Bella leaning against me, breathing deeply. Carefully, I tried to slide my hand away without waking her. When she began moving, I froze.

She didn't wake though. Instead, she slid closer, laying her head on my chest and wrapping an arm around me.

Fuck me.

I stayed rigid and laid my head back to stare at the ceiling. It seemed like hours that I sat there. My muscles were screaming at me to relax.

I looked around to see everyone else sprawled out, sleeping quietly. I glared at them even though they couldn't see, jealous of how comfortable they looked.

Bella moved again, a small sigh coming from her lips. Slowly, she lifted her head and her wide eyes met mine.

"Good morning," I murmured with a grin. "Sleep well?"

Her face became red in a second and I couldn't help but chuckle. "S-sorry about that," she got out through her embarrassment. She slid away and sat up beside me.

"No problem. I didn't mind," I replied. No need to tell her that was probably one of the most uncomfortable moments I've ever experienced and how I desperately wished it didn't have to be this way.

She rolled her eyes. "Of course you didn't. But I'm sure your girlfriend wouldn't be so appreciative."

"She's not my girlfriend," I said instantly.

"Well she's close enough without it being official. What are you waiting for anyway? Why don't you just ask her to be your girlfriend and stop beating around the bush?" Seeing the look that must have been on my face, she tried to backtrack. "Not that it's any of my business..."

"It's not as simple as you think," I said flatly. "And no, it's not your business."

She looked down at her hands. "Sorry." She seemed so sad and vulnerable and I broke down.

"It's fine," I sighed, frustrated that she had so much control over me. "It's just a complicated situation."

"I can understand that I guess." She lied.

"Well, I guess she is my girlfriend, but I don't know if I really want that." I wasn't sure why I was telling her this, but it seemed to just come out.

"So you're breaking up with her?" Bella's voice seemed somewhat hopeful and I frowned. What the hell did that mean?

"Not necessarily," I answered. " I mean, she's great and all, but it's affecting our friendship and that makes me uncomfortable."

"Well, you can't have it both ways, Edward," she said tiredly.

"Why the hell not though?" I said a little too loud. I lowered my voice as not to wake the others who were still snoring soundly. "Why can't I have both? What's so wrong about what we had?"

She sighed, seeming annoyed to have to explain. "We were always crossing lines in our friendship, Edward. As unfamiliar with the female mind as you are, you should still understand that you can't do that to Tanya. You can't make her wonder about your relationship with another girl. It hurts, Edward. We wonder if you're not happy, we wonder why you act the way you do with her... It's just how we think. You make us wonder why we're not good enough... You just can't do that to her. And I don't want to play around with us anymore. I'm ready to move on because I can't live like this." Her lip quivered and she looked away.

I cupped her chin and turned her face back to me. "But I just can't stand this distance between us, Bella. It hurts."

"I know," she replied, closing her eyes.

"Then can't we just go back to being us, just for the break?" I pleaded, my lip jutting out slightly in an attempt to break her.

"I don't want to feel like the cheap whore who you're cheating on her with, Edward. I want to get over this."

Her words sent an odd pang through my chest. An unfamiliar pang and I didn't like it in the least.

"I'll never make you feel that way. I promise. I just need..." I trailed off, unable to explain.

Something about my expression seemed to change her. "I know. Me too."

She leaned her head against my shoulder and closed her eyes again.

I felt conflicted. I couldn't describe what I was feeling. I couldn't believe I was actually feeling anything at all.

But it went away as fast as it came on and I relaxed and closed my eyes for a few more minutes of sleep.

"Shit shit shit shit shit!" I was awoken by the sound of Bella cursing as she jumped up and rushed to her room.

Everyone was starting to get up then. Alice gave me a confused look as to what was with Bella. I shrugged and went down to where Bella had disappeared.

I walked in to see her frantically stuffing clothes in a suitcase and I sat down on her bed, smiling.

"We leave in forty-five minutes and I haven't even packed," she got out between mounds of clothes being tossed out of her closet.

"If you need help..." I started.

"Get out, ass," she said, throwing a shirt in my face. I grabbed it and held it up. It was a purple tight looking, deep v-neck.

"First thing I'll help with is telling you I really think you should throw this one in there, too," I said, tossing it in her suitcase.

She glared at me, but left the shirt in there. There was the pair of white shorts that she had worn to the game laying on the floor. I tossed those in along with a short black skirt.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "It's the dead of winter."

"Yeah, but you're so hot." I winked at her.

She blushed and rolled her eyes at me. "And you're so lame. Now get out, Romeo."

She walked past me and I grabbed her around the waist. She shrieked as she fell onto the bed beside me, laying flat on her back.

I propped myself up on one elbow and stared at her, smirking. She put a hand on my face and pushed me over before sitting up.

"You're such a distraction," she complained.

"You're welcome."

She smacked my chest before getting up to finish her packing.

Rosalie walked in then with her stupid judging eyes and looked disapprovingly at the mess and the fact that Bella was still packing.

She shook her head. "I knew this would happen. Hurry up, Bells, we have to leave soon. And go home Edward. Go clean yourself up before we go. I don't think Carlisle and Esme would appreciate you smelling like a barn and looking like you just stumbled home from a drunken night."

"Screw off, Rose," I muttered before passing by her and leaving their dorm.

It was only then that I thought to dig my phone out of my pocket and check for messages.

Three missed calls from Tanya.

Shit.

I dialed her number and waited for her to pick up. Finally, after the fifth ring, she answered.

"What, Edward?" Her voice was clipped. She was pissed.

"And good morning to you, too," I shot back as I stepped into the elevator.

"Well, what do you expect me to say?" She said, clearly angry.

"I know," I sighed. "Shit, Tanya, I'm sorry."

"Where were you last night? You told me to call..."

"I know. I fell asleep. Really, I'm sorry."

"What do you want me to say? I'm pissed off, Edward."

"Say you'll forgive me because I'll never ever do that again?" I answered meekly.

"I'll talk to you later."

"No! Tanya, wait. Just talk to me. Come see me before we leave. I'll meet you in the parking lot, okay?"

"Fine. When?"

"Twenty minutes?"

"Sure."

"Okay, thanks Tanya."

She hung up without answering and I went down the hall to my dorm and quickly threw open the door.

"You look like shit," was the first thing I was greeted with by Jasper.

"You smell like shit," was the next greeting from Emmett.

I ignored them and went to go shower. Thoughts of Tanya and Bella swirled through my mind. I was so. Fucking. Confused.

A slam on the door startled me. "Ten minutes, man!" Emmett shouted and I shut off the water and got dressed.

I went to my room and grabbed my suitcase. I looked around for anything else I needed, threw on my jacket and followed the guys out the door.

"This is gonna fucking epic," Emmett said as we made our way downstairs.

"I'm just happy to get out of here for a couple of weeks," I said.

"Doesn't mean you get to leave all your problems behind though," Jasper had to remind me. "In fact, ones coming with you."

"Bella's not a problem," I replied.

"While you're with Tanya, she is."

"I've already got that, okay? I don't need you guys constantly reminding me too."

"Whatever man. Just saying."

We walked over to the parking lot where we were met with the three shining smiles of Bella, Rose and Alice.

Alice was bouncing with excitement of course. Rosalie was laughing as she watched her friend. Bella was sort of off to the side, rubbing her arms, shifting from one foot to the other.

"Excited?" I asked her.

"Well if you call feeling so jittery that you could just vomit excited, then yeah, I'm pumped," she answered.

I tugged playfully on her scarf and looked around, remembering that I had to meet Tanya now as well. She was making her way toward us and I turned to meet her.

"Hey Tan," I said, taking her slightly off to the side.

"Edward, I don't have a lot of time," she said.

"Okay, well I just want you to know that there isn't anything going on between Bella and me. Never has been, never will be."

She still looked anxious. "I believe you. It's just the way you two are together..."

I put a hand on her cheek. "Doesn't affect the way I feel about you," I said smoothly. "Promise."

She put a hand on either side of my face, positively beaming. "I was just worried, but I know I can trust you, Edward." She kissed me then, long and slow. And as much as I was enjoying it, I couldn't help but wonder what Bella must be thinking right now.

**Bella POV**

I was so glad Edward couldn't tell what I was thinking right now because then he'd see how much I wanted to tackle Tanya and rip her hair out.

So much for moving on.

My feelings were unfair. I had made where he and I stand in our relationship clear. I was just being selfish trying to keep all of him like this. And deep down I knew it was an even bigger mistake to bend the rules on vacation.

I turned away from the scene and tried to join the conversation that the others were having. I still had to eavesdrop when Tanya began talking though.

"I'm really glad we could work this out," she told him happily.

"What can I say? You're my girlfriend. I'd do anything to make things work," he responded. I almost gagged then because it was just too much. It amazed me that he got away with so much.

"Bye Edward," I heard her say, an obvious smile in her voice.

"See you, gorgeous."

I swallowed, trying to hold back tears that decided to show up and torture me in that moment. I was cold, tired and I had never felt so alone.

Hooray for winter vacation...

Just then, a limo pulled up with a jeep just behind it. The driver of the jeep got out and took our bags, piling them in gently.

The limo driver opened the door and we all slid inside. I was internally rolling my eyes at the ridiculousness of the situation, but I didn't dare say a word.

It was extremely roomy, but for some reason when I tried to slide down, Edward stopped me and pulled me back next to him. I looked at him questioningly.

"I finally get to be normal with you. And this is normal for me," he said simply.

"Well, I'm not so sure I feel particularly comfortable with this when you just fed all that bullshit to Tanya," I told him honestly.

"I don't know why I did that. I just have a hard time being honest..."

"That's obvious."

"But I can be honest with you. I can honestly say I want nothing more than for you to sit beside me right now and lean your head on my shoulder like you always used to do."

I suddenly became very aware that, as we started pulling out from the school, the rest of the car was silent, everyone listening to our private conversation.

My face became very red and I hid behind my hands.

"Do it. Do it. Do it," Emmett idiotically began to chant. I was assuming that Rose would reprimand him, but instead she joined in until they were all chanting.

I couldn't hide my embarrassment. I glared at them and muttered, "I hate you all," before sitting back and resting against Edward. They cheered stupidly and I just shook my head at my strange friends.

I was brought back to the conversation I had with Alice and Rosalie the day of the game. And even though I wasn't in a real relationship with Edward, I understood. I was terrified that one day he'd just walk out of my life. I was terrified of hurting him and being hurt. But I knew I couldn't give up on something this important. I couldn't just move on. So I was jumping in head first. And it was fucking scary.

But I also knew that it was so worth it. What I had with Edward was just so important and I couldn't ever let it go.

For the rest of the ride, everyone talked excitedly and I became more and more anxious. Edward rubbed my arm, trying to calm me.

Eventually, we pulled onto a large drive and if Edward wasn't there comforting me, I would've been practically passing out.

The limo came to a stop in front of an incredibly beautiful large house. I was in awe. Emmett, Rose, Alice and Jasper all scrambled out as fast as they possibly could. Edward stayed with me until I felt sort of ready.

When I got out, a lovely woman with caramel hair, warm hazel eyes and a soft smile and a very handsome man with sharp blue eyes and striking blond hair were waiting to greet us.

"Edward!" the woman said happily, embracing him tightly.

"Hi Esme," he responded, hugging her just as firmly.

"We've missed you, son," the man said as he hugged Edward after.

"I've missed you guys a lot, too," Edward replied.

I stood there somewhat awkwardly and unsure of what to do next. Everybody else was standing around, unable to contain themselves in their euphoric state.

"You must be Isabella," the woman, Esme, said afterwards. I smiled at her.

"Yes," Alice cut in. "Mom, Dad, this is Bella Swan. Bella, this is my mother, Esme and my father, Carlisle."

"Pleasure to meet you," I said sweetly, shaking their hands.

"We've heard so much about you. It's fantastic to finally meet you," Carlisle laughed.

"Oh, I'm sure everyone will adore you, Bella. We'll go get them." She winked at Carlisle and they hurried inside. I stood there, confused. I wasn't really sure why they were making us stand outside in the below freezing weather, but their house, their rules.

The front door opened again and everyone turned to see who was coming out. Edward, who was standing behind me, put his hands on my sides and leaned down.

"Merry Christmas," he whispered in my ear.

It was then that I saw someone coming outside. I shook my head, thinking my eyes deceived me before looking again. I wasn't wrong. I gasped, my knees nearly buckling. Edward kept a firm grip on me.

It didn't make sense. This was something I never expected. I opened my mouth, trying to find words.

"Mom?"

* * *

_ There's something about the way you make me feel_  
_I'm ready to confess_  
_They checked my heart and it's terminally ill_  
_Baby, I'm a mess_

_I'm done trying to deny_  
_That without you I'll be alright_

* * *

**So whadaya think? **

**Review and let me know!  
**

**~Kara **


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